To be afraid of teenage boys

[JustanAunt]

This is something that is starting to affect my life.

I have a dog that I obviously take on frequent daily walks but everytime i see a group of teenage boys, its like my blood runs cold and i start to internally panic. No one would think I was having a fear response by looking at me as I am a calm person (on the outside), but I can feel my anxiety growing when I take my dog out

Heres my basic reasoning as to why I find them scary:

1. they are physically stronger than me, especially in a group
2. they are immature and prone to do and say stupid things
3. they can egg each other on in a group and seem to want to appear tough or funny, so I fear things escalating as no one in the group would want to be the one to de-escalate

I have had some run ins with local teens, nothing physical, just having insults hurled at me.

Am I alone in this weirdly specific phobia? I try and avoid them, but doesn’t always work (such as last night when they were circling the area outside my flat entrance), just feels a little pathetic as a grown woman

The chance of them attacking you is vanishingly small. The chance of one of them being attacked is relatively high. Try to regard them as large children who are trying to act big.

I said “I am the exact same”. Just showing the OP she’s not alone 🤷‍♀️

All people want to be liked. As a teacher, I would say they aren't as feral as you think or they wnt to appear. If it's always the same group f kids,
I'd be tempted to engage with them, say a cheery HI, introduce yourself, buy a massive bag of sweets, and say " I've got these left over from Christmas, thought you might like them" show you are not afraid, you see them as people and if they see you as a human with a name, they are less likely to bother you.

Obvs working with them has given me confidence

I see the local ones and feel ready to say 'hey, I think I know one of your parents! Hope they are well' if I see s as my wrong doing

Puts fear of god in them I hope! 😃

*any

I had this as a young woman, had a few run ins with chavvy teenage boys, getting insulted etc. the fear has kind of gone away as an adult since having kids but I totally get it

I always warn my son that this is the effect his pack of mates have on others - he was horrified as they really are just a harmless bunch of wallies but they don’t know their own size and strength now they’re all 15 rather than 10! They’re loud and take up a lot of space but they’re harmless. But I know all kids aren’t like this - and those are the kids my son and his friends are fearful of 😢

@CreateHope

Yes that's an interesting 🤔 very insightful good points you have made too.

Pass a law to prevent youths congregating?

I’ll not write a sarcastic response, but just say this is batshit crazy of the highest (and most fascistic) order.

Just for starters, who would police this? My son was waiting with his mates at the bus stop this morning. He wouldn’t have been expecting a baton charge from the (sadly now-disbanded) SPG.

So once they leave 19 and hit 20th birthday they can all congregate again then??

Batshit

There’s absolutely nothing weird or illogical about this at all OP. Gangs of teenage boys are intimidating. They hang around the park near me all dressed in black with hoods up always loud and yobbing about up to no good. They enjoy being intimidating. I walk past on my guard every time especially if I have my little dd with me.

I know the type of teenage boys you mean. The ones with hoods up, hang around town vaping, every other word is F!

I try to not let anyone intimidate me but I also wear hijab and you'd think I would be the target of their jokes or silly comments. But I feel younger people respect the hijab, more than older people. And they less stare and dont make comments. I am a white Muslim so I'm a minority and people stare at me like I have a traffic cone on my head and wearing a flashing light sign saying : " I have just come from Jupiter! And I eat snails raw off the street, please stare at me!!!!! "

But saying that, I do worry one might grab and pinch my phone as they cycle past, so I quickly put it away or keep it in the pram pouch which is hidden.

I have a teen myself. Getting ready for GCSE'S and he is a home bird. Loves being home playing games, reading, puzzles cooking etc. So not all are bad eggs

As a mother of 2 boys (and a girl) who are 15, 18 and 21, this really saddens me. You are being irrational and judgemental.

@JustanAunt

I live in whats classed as a quite a rough area too,

A murder happened several years ago outside a local pub down the rd from me,
to with eighteen year old boy the victim and drugs and jealously issues between the offender,

I can relate to aspects of your post the unpredictability the loud bravado messing about
Most teenagers are OK,

It's only the few who hit the news for something disturbing that's happened that we hear about mostly,

when i go into corner newsagents everyone is usaully polite well mannered

I rember once i dropped a tin of cat 🐈 food on the floor i walk with a stick cause of Rumertoid athritis ect,

I went to try and pick up the tin of cat food,

Bless him random teenager boy saw what happened and didn't want me to strain myself or fall over,

Teenager boy picked up the tin of cat food for me,
obviously i thanked him
was really impressed by him,

When I go out and about locally teenager boys or girls will say sometimes
or
occasionally hi 👋 or evening to me
Out of curiosity i think,

I don't really understand this. I see teenage boys as older children, I know a great many of them and they are about as scary as a teddy bear. They're mostly complete muppets, they want to fit in, they're not out to hurt people and they're still very young and vulnerable. I can't understand being afraid of them. I think it's downright weird that we treat children as though they're made of spun gold until they hit their teens, at which point they become the enemy and their very presence in a public place is "antisocial behaviour". They are just people.

Lone men who follow, leer at and deliberately intimidate women - that's a problem. They are usually well past their teens.

I was afraid of teen boys till I had a couple of my own, I don't seem to have a problem with them being rude or aggressive, but I can see where you are coming from.
I've found most seem to be very helpful, helping to reach things in shops or pick up stuff I've dropped.

I feel the EXACT same! And I get that statistically they aren’t likely to attack me. But for me, it isn’t about them attacking or harming me, it’s just about them being silly and showing off and using me to do that.

Once I walked past a group of teens and as I walked past one of them took my hat off my head and put it on his own and was showing off to his mates. I didn’t know what to do. They weren’t hurting me but like… what do I do in that situation? I just want to walk home in peace. Or sometimes they’ll just shout stuff at you making fun of your clothes or whatever. Harmless really if you ignore it, but it still gives an automatic feeling of dread when you see them in the street and have to walk past them

😂😂😂 Are you ok?!

This is one of the most batshit crazy comments I have ever read on MN and I have been here a while!

This. The worst you’ll get is Billy Big Bollocks type bravado.

Though I can see why you would have to steel yourself if they have verbally abused you OP. It’s normal that that would increase your anxiety. You should be able to walk around your own community without that crap.

This thread is actually quite sad. I don't live in the best area but the teens round here aren't all yobs out to make trouble.

Where are you all living!?!

I think it depends on where you live. If it’s an area where there is a lot of crime, gang culture and knife crime yanbu. Most areas aren’t like that though and the majority of teen boys just mess about with their mates and get a bit noisy.

I don't fear them. The best thing you can do is to walk with your head held high and ignore them. If you cower in front of them, they are more likely to take notice.
I've shouted at teenagers before though when they were ganging up on a younger boy. Statistically, the chances of a group of teenagers stabbing or badly hurting a middle aged woman walking her dog, are tiny. If you shouted at them, they'd either shut up or call you a fat, old bag. Because that's how they see most women over a certain age. Don't let them get to you. You're the grown up. It's worse to live in fear, than to worry about some little scroat insulting your appearance.

I'm a secondary teacher of over 10 years. I can assure you, most teenage boys are absolutely lovely. It is very rare I've come across a bad 'un. And I'm short, chubby and usually trying to make them do things they don't want to do (their classwork!) and they are fine. I agree the knife crime / gang stuff is quite scary but if you're not involved in gangs yourself I doubt you'd even be on their radar. And if they do say something horrible, well honestly who cares what they think. Although in my own experience, you're far more likely to get a mouthful from a grumpy middle aged man than a teenage boy.

Since I had a boy that age I usually just see them as a group of young boys having fun (and doing a lot of posturing). Before that I was a bit wary.

Sounds like Nicola Sturgeon !.