Page 7 | Would you date again if you were suddenly single?

PoliteTurtle · 2024-02-16T00:51:29+00:00

Sorry, I realise this could be abit of an insensitive question so I’ve tried to phrase it correctly… Say for example you just found yourself as you are now but single - would you be able to move on from your partner? I’m genuinely curious because I’d ever date again! YABU ; I would move on YANBU ; I would stay single

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 19/02/2024 19:09

MariaLuna · 16/02/2024 01:16

I'm older and frankly can't be bothered with men just looking for "a nurse with a purse". WTF happened to men in the 21st Century

Have a fab life, DS off out into the world, I live my own life. Going out solo is my thing, in the afternoons. Art Galleries, local terrace cafe, film matinees, chilling out at home, taking a walk in the neighbourhood or a park, reading a book, treating myself to dinner (cooking, or a delivery). Helping friends who need someone to bring them to a hospital appointment, etc.

I love my life.

Your life sounds great 👍

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 20/02/2024 22:45

WestwardHo1 · 19/02/2024 17:58

Yeah it's the online part of it that makes me shudder. I mentioned earlier in the thread that I met my current DP very soon after exH and I split - well, actually I met him before we split up and liked him, and just at the time when I was starting to think maybe I was in the mood for some company, there he was in the same situation. We knew each other from a sports club we're both in, and it happened organically like you described. We're still together four years later, but don't live together. It's nice, though lockdown was terrible. Someone else mentioned the physical contact thing - that's really important to me and without any kind of touch it makes me feel very lonely. I don't have children so there are no hugs other than when I see him. I wonder if everyone who's saying they wouldn't bother again know what it's actually like to go without physical touch indefinitely?

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But you're not got going to be 'without human touch indefinitely' necessarily - my H is not the only one who ever touches me. If you mean without sex - i'm good with that and similar to a previous poster am also not keen on being touched in general so not a problem.

Strokethefurrywall · 20/02/2024 22:52

CommentNow · 19/02/2024 19:07

Could I move on? Yes.
Would I stay single by choice? Yes.

Tbf I'm only in a relationship because I love him and hes good to me so I choose to be with him. I wouldnt be pursuing a boyfriend in general, I'd rather be single.

What she said. Been with DH for over 16 years, and the idea of dating anyone leaves me cold if anything were to happen (irrespective of how I suddenly find myself single).

Might consider a few dates as an ego boost but definitely wouldn't want any long term relationship. That being said, I'm 44 so might have thought differently if I was mid-30s.
At 44 I don't think I'd need anyone to "share life with" because I already had the one I wanted to do that with.

Meangirl6 · 20/02/2024 22:53

Nope

Beezknees · 20/02/2024 22:54

I have been single for 15 years. Not celibate, as a woman sex isn't exactly difficult to get although I've only had a handful of sexual partners in that time. But I don't want a relationship. I'm not touchy feely and I don't like physical contact outside of sex so I'm not bothered about hugs and stuff. I DETEST sharing a bed. I do have teen DS living at home so I'm not completely alone in that sense but I'm happy in my own company.

bingoringo4 · 20/02/2024 22:54

Good god no, me and my partner broke up for a year, I dabbled on tinder bumble and omg it was painful. I never met anyone but the whole process of talking to new people was horrendous. The talking stage is not for me. Thank god we got back together and I'd be did split for good I would just stay single.

Original poster

PoliteTurtle · 21/02/2024 11:12

WestwardHo1 · 19/02/2024 17:58

Yeah it's the online part of it that makes me shudder. I mentioned earlier in the thread that I met my current DP very soon after exH and I split - well, actually I met him before we split up and liked him, and just at the time when I was starting to think maybe I was in the mood for some company, there he was in the same situation. We knew each other from a sports club we're both in, and it happened organically like you described. We're still together four years later, but don't live together. It's nice, though lockdown was terrible. Someone else mentioned the physical contact thing - that's really important to me and without any kind of touch it makes me feel very lonely. I don't have children so there are no hugs other than when I see him. I wonder if everyone who's saying they wouldn't bother again know what it's actually like to go without physical touch indefinitely?

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Being single doesn’t mean I won’t have physical touch in my case, for one I have kids so they’re always around.
I definitely wouldn’t be looking for a romantic partner, and I would most definitely stay single, but that doesn’t rule out doing it with someone (although I shudder at the thought of that tbh… sex doesn’t rule my life and I could live without it)

OP posts:

WestwardHo1 · 21/02/2024 14:24

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 20/02/2024 22:45

But you're not got going to be 'without human touch indefinitely' necessarily - my H is not the only one who ever touches me. If you mean without sex - i'm good with that and similar to a previous poster am also not keen on being touched in general so not a problem.

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No I'm not just talking about sex, though there isn't anything wrong with it being important to you. I'm talking about everyday human contact - a hug if you need/want one, a shoulder rub, a pat on the back, someone to scratch an itch you can't reach on your back! That kind of thing. Living on your own if you don't have children, (or even adult ones who live somewhere else) mean that those kind of physical interactions humans often crave aren't forthcoming. Not everyone has those kind of close friendship groups either. This being a parenting website most people have kids of course - but not everyone does.

peachgreen · 21/02/2024 14:29

Before DH died I would have (rather smugly) said that if I couldn’t be with him I’d rather be alone, he was a better man than the rest and could never be replaced etc etc. Then he died and the reality of being alone for the rest of my life felt very different to what I had imagined.

I felt ready to start dating after 18 months, met DP and am now very happy 3.5 years in. It’s not the same as it was with DH, but it’s as good, just in a different way.

I think hypotheticals like this aren’t that helpful because you can’t actually know how you’ll feel until you’re in that situation.

peachgreen · 21/02/2024 14:50

Also unlike PPs experience, I really enjoyed dating! I didn’t take it too seriously and had loads of fun.

Wellhellooooodear · 21/02/2024 14:54

Not until my kids were grown up. I wouldn't want to introduce a random man into their lives. Also if I'm honest I couldn't be arsed and think I'd be way too uncompromising and set in my ways and I certainly couldn't see myself tolerating someone else's children.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 21/02/2024 15:04

Hopefully nothing will happen to my husband or to us for us to split up, but if it did i couldn't be arsed with dating again, wouldn't want to share my house with anyone else, wouldn't want to disrupt my daughters life, i have a good social life with great friends so wouldn't be lonely, plus it's such hard work! and you hear of these crappy men, wouldn't want to risk to agro.

Diamondcurtains · 21/02/2024 15:17

Absolutely stay single. I’m early 50’s, married fir 30 years and couldn’t imagine ever wanting to meet anyone . I just couldn’t be arsed.

fussychica · 21/02/2024 15:46

Well I can't imagine dating again as DH and I have been together for over 50 years. He's irreplaceable and I don't think I could be arsed with all that meeting another man involves. That said I'm also not great at being totally alone for long periods so who knows.

BarbaricPeach · 21/02/2024 16:58

Nope. The only reason I'm in a relationship now is because I was lucky enough to meet someone who aligned with me in all the important ways. Literally all of them- we've never disagreed about anything other than very petty niggles or things that are very easily compromised on. The chances of me finding someone else equally as compatible are basically zero, so I would be happier single and doing what I pleased.

MrsToothyBitch · 21/02/2024 17:20

Date yes, live with- not sure! I met DH through OLD so would probably eventually dip my toes back in.

Mrsfoxtrot · 22/02/2024 01:41

peachgreen · 21/02/2024 14:29

Before DH died I would have (rather smugly) said that if I couldn’t be with him I’d rather be alone, he was a better man than the rest and could never be replaced etc etc. Then he died and the reality of being alone for the rest of my life felt very different to what I had imagined.

I felt ready to start dating after 18 months, met DP and am now very happy 3.5 years in. It’s not the same as it was with DH, but it’s as good, just in a different way.

I think hypotheticals like this aren’t that helpful because you can’t actually know how you’ll feel until you’re in that situation.

I totally agree with this. Adjusting to being alone after a relationship is different for everyone and may depend on the circumstances. Nobody actually knows how they will feel until it happens. It’s easy to think the person you love now is the only one for you and without them you'd prefer to be alone but it’s quite different actually being in that situation.

itsbrutalouthere · 22/02/2024 02:26

Unless someone really kind with no red flags came along, I am happy to be and stay single. Almost 3 years and I'm fine with it. I don't miss anything about being in a relationship.

Meadowfinch · 22/02/2024 02:37

I've been single for 7 years. I have a reasonable social life and am open to another relationship but there are very few decent men available.

There are however plenty of weird, controlling men, men looking for a house keeper, a free nanny or somewhere cheap to live.

I have learnt to be very careful 🙂

Dweetfidilove · 22/02/2024 06:19

Single for almost 8 years. I do enjoy sex, but at this stage I’m not interested in a man living with me.
My daughter and I enjoy a nice, peaceful and mostly unbothered life, and that’s how it will remain.
When she heads off to uni in a couple years I may take up active dating, but again, no moving in.

WestwardHo1 · 22/02/2024 11:38

Mrsfoxtrot · 22/02/2024 01:41

I totally agree with this. Adjusting to being alone after a relationship is different for everyone and may depend on the circumstances. Nobody actually knows how they will feel until it happens. It’s easy to think the person you love now is the only one for you and without them you'd prefer to be alone but it’s quite different actually being in that situation.

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There is a statistic isn't there that the people who have been in the happiest relationships are the ones who look for new ones soonest after bereavement.

Sorry - can't remember the exact fact.

BardRelic · 22/02/2024 14:09

Some of this will probably depend on what your dating life was like before you were in the relationship. I know there are slim pickings out there and I know I've been very happy being single. So I suspect I wouldn't bother looking. Of course, that might change. But I just remember how soul destroying it was trying to find anyone vaguely normal, let alone someone I clicked with and fancied.

If your experience of being single was that you didn't like it much and your experience of dating was more positive then yes, you'll be more likely to try again.

barkymcbark · 22/02/2024 14:15

Not a chance. In early 50s and never been happier in my own skin. I'm married, happily so, but I wouldn't bother dating again, I'm financial stable and would happily live on my own with my dogs and my daughter. I have a few good friends and a few good hobbies. My dh works shifts so we rarely share a bed to sleep, and the thought of sharing a bed again fills me with dread.

xSideshowAuntSallyx · 23/02/2024 06:55

Someone else mentioned the physical contact thing - that's really important to me and without any kind of touch it makes me feel very lonely.

I actually can't remember the last time someone hugged me, think it was before Christmas and it was a friend of mine. Holding hands has been years ago now. It actually makes me quite sad to think about it.

But I have a couple of things I need to do before I venture into the world of dating just so I can put across the best me.

Chasingsquirrels · 23/02/2024 07:09

peachgreen · 21/02/2024 14:29

Before DH died I would have (rather smugly) said that if I couldn’t be with him I’d rather be alone, he was a better man than the rest and could never be replaced etc etc. Then he died and the reality of being alone for the rest of my life felt very different to what I had imagined.

I felt ready to start dating after 18 months, met DP and am now very happy 3.5 years in. It’s not the same as it was with DH, but it’s as good, just in a different way.

I think hypotheticals like this aren’t that helpful because you can’t actually know how you’ll feel until you’re in that situation.

PeachGreen I remember your posts when your DH died and haven't seen any mentioning dating and a partner. Lovely to see this post and that you are happy in your new relationship.

I've had 2 long term relationships end, and have restarted the romantic element of my life after both.
1st H for around 17 years from late teens till mid-30s and 2 children. He ended the marriage.
Few years later met 2nd DH and together until mid-40s. He died.
Now been seeing DP for 5+ years, don't live together but probably will do so in the future.

Absolutely agree with this
I think hypotheticals like this aren’t that helpful because you can’t actually know how you’ll feel until you’re in that situation.