Do I just give up? Am I just destined to be fat

[Sianholby]

Just coming in here as I’m just feeling down at the moment. I’m perimenopausal, just started HRT and hate the way I look.
I swim and go on our home cross trainer twice a week. I work full time and have three kids. We eat relatively healthily and I’m trying to cut down my carbs.

i just look like a whale, my belly sticks out further than my breasts. I can just can’t shift this weight.
iVe attached a photo of me currently, I want to lose the belly and the fat below my breasts that sticks out. Any tips as exercising three times a week around work and children and walking almost everywhere just isn’t doing it

Thank you.

I assume that his book outlines how to eat just 800 calories a day in a way that is less dangerous eg by specifying what to eat exactly in meal plans that maximise nutrients and balance macros optimally. So maybe it’s best if one reads the book rather than simply eating 800 calories of whatever a day, without considering the quality of calories as much. Of course the vast majority will know not to do this but I don’t think I’m cynical in saying not everyone will take this approach.

More fibre, fruit, vegetables, protein and a whole lot fewer carbs. Calorie count. No alcohol - completely empty calories. Lots of people say “I eat healthily” but if you actually counted every calorie they had over a week, they’d have an average intake of a lot more than the recommended calories per day. Frankly (but gently), whatever you think you’re doing, you’re definitely having too many calories.

Intermittent fasting and low sugar here. No diet foods, no calorie counting. I eat plenty of cheese, olive oil, occasional pasta and carb heavy dishes. Try to avoid bread on a daily basis. Black coffee only.

I eat between 12pm and about 630pm most days. It is really not hard. My middle has benefited most and after under a year, is the same size as it was when I was 18.

I found Tim Spector's books really helpful. It makes the science clear. Or listen to the diary of a ceo podcast where he interviews Jason fung- there is increasing evidence that calorie counting doesn't work, is unsustainable and an entirely miserable way to live.

@specialsauce

I honestly don't know if 'he' is promoting this or people on mumsnet are just taking the 800 cal a day out of the diabetic context and advising it on mumsnet to people who could be harmed by lowering their calories to that extent

Why have you put 'he' in inverted commas?! Dr Moseley is definitely a he!

And the Fast800 is not a plan for diabetics, although it is one that is a) based on research into diabetes and b) will certainly help people who are diabetic or pre-diabetic. It's a plan based on research done by Newcastle professors Roy Taylor and Mike Lean.

I think it is bandied about on Mumsnet, rather like the Atkins diet used to be, by people who know little or nothing about it, and who certainly haven't read the book. It's a tailored/tapered plan which starts off with a period of very low calorie eating, but then after that period of time moves on to higher calories and then to a plan based on the Mediterranean Diet.

From BBC Good Food:

The plan starts with a rapid weight loss phase: this lasts between two and 12 weeks, during which you follow a daily 800-calorie eating plan. You do this by following a moderately low-carb, Mediterranean-style diet, with lean protein sources and vegetables ...

The second stage of the plan involves intermittent fasting, restricting calories to 800 a day for two days of the week, then eating a healthy, low-carb, Mediterranean diet for the remaining five. This phase of the plan offers an opportunity to embrace home cooking, reduce processed foods and focus on vegetables, wholegrains, nuts, seeds, legumes, healthy fats and lean protein ...

Once you've achieved your goal weight, you enter the maintenance phase. This phase is designed to fit personal goals and to work with your lifestyle; you'll continue with the Mediterranean-style of eating, following a low-sugar diet with limited amounts of starchy carbs and including a weekly fast day, if needed.
^^

On three occasions in my life i've lost apx 3 stone in one go. Each time was about 10 years apart and each time was different.
(each time it only took about 6/7 months to shift the weight, and each time the weight stayed off for a good few years)

1.proper low carb with no calorie counting,
2.strict low calorie (but not counting drinks)
and
3.only eating every other day

My point is this; all three methods worked because at the time i found myself able to stick to each one. And that's what's important.

Advice on here is great - it's all good ideas. You need to find your happy place with food which works though. Give different things a go. Mix them up a bit!

Find something which is doable in your head everyday OP.

With all 3 methods i always used to have Sat nights off.
Also i would always accept a small bit of birthday cake!
If there was family meals out i'd go and enjoy it but decline pud.

A good bit of advice i had was the 80/20 success. Aim long term, and if you're doing your diet 80% of the time, it will work, and you'll stay sane!

It definitely is restrictive socially at first but most of the time people who are overweight tend to be so miserable they’re not enjoying socialising that much anyway. @Muthaofcats

that’s a bit of a horrible assumption! Like OP I am in menopause, overweight and trying to lose weight but I am perfectly able to go out and socialise and enjoy myself…. I am trying to lose weight for health reasons, not because I am miserable!

That’s great! And of course one shouldn’t generalise or assume, so I am sorry if I wrote ‘most’ when I should have written ‘some’ or perhaps more appropriately, just keep it limited to my own experience. I know I was not enjoying socialising feeling so crap about myself, not fitting in any of my clothes but feeling rubbish in anything I tried on. For me, holding off eating socially for a couple of months was worth it in the long run, whether that be because of how one feels or their health: I was using socialising as an excuse for never getting started on losing weight but in the end I felt the short term limitation was worth it for the longer term benefits.

if you're doing your diet 80% of the time, it will work, and you'll stay sane!

I agree. When dating my husband, we’d go for a slap up meal on the Friday night, get a takeaway the Saturday (nearly always a curry with all the trimmings), big brunch on Sunday etc etc. Didn’t gain a pound as I was making healthy choices when I went home Sunday evening to Friday lunch time. I never counted calories.

This entirely resonates with me. When I’m at the weight I like to be at, my skin and hair are also better. I have far fewer, if any, bad skin days - unlike when my diet isn’t great. I feel healthier and therefore happier. That’s not to say I don’t when carrying more weight of course. Many aspects of life being us joy. But that’s exactly how I feel: a short term diet is a good trade off for long-term feeling healthy and happy - in terms of my health and wellbeing anyway.

So I haven’t been on here for a couple of days as I went away with the children and husband for a long weekend.

Firstly thank you everyone for your replies - I didn’t think a picture of me looking fat in my knickers would generate over 200 posts and I have read each one and took on board advice.

secondly @specialsauce I’m not sure who you think commenting on my lack of exercise. I am a mum of three and work full time. I spend three days in clients offices and two days at home. When I am in a client office, I don’t tend to get home until after 6 when I get the kids from after school club. I walk two miles a day on the school run. I go on the cross trainer twice a week for an hour and I swim for an hour, clocking up 40/50 lengths on a Saturday morning.

i am terribly sorry you think I don’t exercise enough but you try commuting to London three days a week, help look after three kids and then the run marathons whilst in the menopause. I’m not Wonder Woman.

Exercise contributes a very, very small amount to weight loss. Look at James Smith's videos, he makes it very simple (and sweary).

It's mainly about food. It's possible that you are being disciplined all week and then have a "treat day" that wipes out your calorie deficit. It's incredibly easy to do with one takeaway, a few glasses of wine or a meal out.

Weight loss at this age is achingly slow. You need to be in it for the long haul. It's really bloody tough and depressing.

You have had some good advice on this thread re protein, strength training etc. Just keep going!

I'd ignore that poster if I were you @Sianholby - peculiarly aggressive as well as wrong about so much stuff!

Welcome back. Sounds like you are Wonder Woman actually!

@Sianholby I could be, except I am 5ft 1 lol
Anyway 1500 os not enough. My maintenance calories are 2400, my BMR is 1834. I eat 1950 calories per day to put myself in a defecit, and in 6 weeks I have lost 11.5.
Maybe try working out your TDEE (maintenance calories) and shave 200-500 calories off that, but making sure you stay above your BMR.
It's a slow and steady weight loss but it's working wonders for me x

I think you are Wonder Woman if you’re doing as much as you are whilst working and juggling 3 kids OP!

Back to the exercise discussion, I’ve tried to up my exercise this week after weeks with success on a calorie deficit and I’ve really struggled as the increased exercise has made me absolutely starving and I’ve found it hard not to revert to wanting to binge! This is all whilst eating lots of protein so really does just seem to be that running and intense exercise increases my appetite to the extent I find it hard to lose weight. Might be different for others but I stand by my initial comments on heavy exercise not being as conducive to weight loss as a significant calorie deficit.

once I reach target weight I will obviously up the exercise j do, but certainly am finding I can’t juggle heavy exercise and calorie deficit. I am v open to any comments on where I am going wrong.

I lost a lot of weight and did no extra exercise, once I got lighter I started to do more. For me the priority for weight loss was getting the food under control.

Weight bearing exercise is good for us as we age, if you could do something like body pump twice as week. However, it's not going to help you lose weight in and of itself. The only thing that helps me is to work out exactly how many calories I need and to properly track on Myfitnesspal.
I'd use this calculator
https://www.jamessmithacademy.com/macro-calculator/

don't eat back any 'exercise calories' on myfitnesspal

you should be able to lose at least 1lb a week this way, without too much effort.
you're doing fine, so please don't compare yourself to anyone else

It’s all about the right balance. Doing heavy exercise means you need to eat more to have enough energy. Not eating enough will end up with eating too much once it catches up. It’s about the right balance.

I posted up thread. For me Joe Wicks app told me what the right balance is.

Eating too much leads to weight gain. But also not quite eating enough for period of time leads to weight gain as it leads to overeating once the deficit is too large and one becomes too hungry, and by that time metabolism slowed down and holds onto the excess calories even more.

Weight bearing exercise is good for us [...] However, it's not going to help you lose weight in and of itself

I'm sorry but this is absolutely not true .

Yet another case of someone misinterpreting the recent emphasis on diet over exercise and then making a factually incorrect declaration with a misplaced air of authority!

If you have a cross trainer at home, you could use it more, I moved mine into the living room, next to the sofa, so in the evenings, when we'd be having down time and watching TV, I get on there and do extra steps.

Don't get defensive @Sianholby no one is saying you should be achieving masses more, but truly, what you describe isn't a "decent amount of exercise" in terms of calorie burn its about the same as a few bananas a week.

Which is fine, you're busy etc etc and it's hard. Weight loss is achieved in the kitchen, not the gym. On your exercise level and height you can't eat 1600 calories a day and lose weight. 1200 is a more realistic goal and try for 80-100g protein a day

You'll be burning next to nothing dawdling 2 miles on a school run. I'm sorry, I know it's hard. I'm not trying to be mean!

Another shout out for intermittent fasting. You really have to find the pattern which works for you around your preferences/lifestyle.

I have dropped 10kg in 4 months by just not having breakfast and making the first meal of the day around noon. Usually overnight oats but not always, today I had an avocado on a toasted bagel. Dinner at 6.30/7 and then that's it for the day. I am eating like this because my cholesterol was too high in October ans it's now back to within normal range. No cheese, no butter, no red meat. Booze hardly ever. Cake/chocolate in extreme moderation.

'dawdling' comes across as extremely bitchy tbh. No need for it.

@Chickenkeev no it’s not bitchy. For Christ’s sake, walking at the pace of a young child (assuming she isn’t accompanying a 14 year old to school!) is only ever going to be a very gentle stroll for an adult! Shes hardly power walking is she! A stroll/dawdle will not be burning loads of calories. Fact.

It's none of your business though? And I do think it comes across as bitchy.

Well it is, op asked for opinions and help.

Telling her she's doing loads and enough and puzzling over why she isn't losing isn't helpful. Telling her to do more or push herself if what she's currently doing isn't enough, will help her.

It might not be what she wants to hear, but to lose weight, you need to make changes.