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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

160 replies

GotMooMilk · 15/02/2024 21:56

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

OP posts:
GermanBite · 01/09/2024 20:37

Newchapterbeckons · 16/02/2024 18:34

My god daughter (10/11) had an astonishing situation where her friend learnt that one of her ‘friends’ in their group was planning a birthday party on the last day of term.

The birthday girl had asked the ‘invited’ girls to keep the date free and was bragging both about the party itself and who wouldn’t be invited! As girls can be sometimes sadly. GD friend was incandescent and furious to be left out deliberately, and hurt as they had been close friends since reception - that night her mother sent out a WA invite to lots of parents, side stepping the birthday girl, to a huge garden party for everyone on the same afternoon the birthday party was planned for …Of course everyone accepted as they didn’t know about the birthday girl’s plans. Invites hadn’t been sent out yet.

So everyone went to the garden party, birthday girl was forced to abandon her party because no one was free to attend, and as far as I know spent the afternoon and evening alone. She never quite recovered her queen bee status.

It’s definitely not the case that ALL mothers (or kids for that matter) will roll over and put up with shit behaviour. Some will kick right back. I only know about this as GD didn’t know what to do, as she was invited to both.

Everyone is wrong in this scenario.

GermanBite · 01/09/2024 20:38

cadburyegg · 15/02/2024 22:23

I don't get upset about these things. I am not doing parties for my kids this year but I don't have a clue of all the names of my kids' classmates, I would just invite who they want to invite. I don't have the names and numbers of every parent either, even with my y4, new kids start at the school.

Not everyone can be invited to every party and I have told my children the same.

Yeah, totally this.

Parents are far too involved in this stuff.

CowboyJoanna · 07/09/2024 21:25

DonkeyyDoo · 01/09/2024 16:38

I remember when DC was in yr 2 and the mother of the birthday boy gave him the invitations to hand out to the invited kids. He was handing them out like Willy Wonkas golden tickets!

It was the ‘popular’ kids that were invited. My DC and two other boys weren’t invited as they weren’t in the popular gang. My DC asked the birthday boy where his invite was and my heart broke a bit.

I understand kids have parties and they all can’t be invited but to exclude 3 out of 25 seems a bit shit. If you’re going to do that then do it discreetly. In this day and age where everyone is on FB, instagram etc she could have easily messaged the parents.

My DC has SEN and gets excluded anyway so it hit a nerve with me more. They have a lovely group of friends and they are popular amongst their group.

What made it worse was the fact the mother was ‘alternative’ at school and wasn’t one of the popular ones. She’ll know what it’s like to not be invited to things etc and fit the stereotype. I would have thought she’d have more understanding but apparently not!

I was so mad because it reinforced to my DC that he’s not as popular that I could have cried. I blocked her in FB and couldn’t look at her again! Thankfully the classes split up. It was a few years ago now and I still feel rage when I see her lol

Edited

At the same time, it does sound like this boy wasn't particularly friends with your DC. Not everyone can go to every party.

DonkeyyDoo · 07/09/2024 22:56

CowboyJoanna · 07/09/2024 21:25

At the same time, it does sound like this boy wasn't particularly friends with your DC. Not everyone can go to every party.

Show quote history

and that’s the only thing you took from my reply? I agree with that part but this wasn’t that….

1/ of course they aren’t all best friends but to invite 22 and leave out 3 is piss poor. They aren’t great friends with the other 20+ kids either….

2/ invite who you like but don’t do it under the non invited kids noses… no need in this day and age when everyone knows everyone’s details.

If you can’t comprehend that they you’re the type of person and parent that makes kids feel utterly shit for no reason other than you can’t empathise……

Vettrianofan · 07/09/2024 23:11

Notimeforaname · 15/02/2024 22:27

It's just part of life. Things we all need to experience and go through to build resilience.

Not everyone can and will be wanted and liked by everyone. Sooner we learn that, and learn how to deal with it, the better.

I have sat an explained this to my DC. They could only invite one child from their class this year to do a day trip somewhere due to cost issues for us, wasn't easy but they did pick a child and I discretely asked their parent. DS wanted to pick more than one friend but I said its very low key this year (he doesn't know there's a trip of a lifetime happening soon so we are saving up).

He hasn't been invited to others parties and that's life. You take the good with the bad.

SD1978 · 07/09/2024 23:17

When it's 50/50 or less, I never minded. When it's basically everyone except one or two, I think the parents are pretty shitty human beings.

DonkeyyDoo · 07/09/2024 23:21

Vettrianofan · 07/09/2024 23:11

I have sat an explained this to my DC. They could only invite one child from their class this year to do a day trip somewhere due to cost issues for us, wasn't easy but they did pick a child and I discretely asked their parent. DS wanted to pick more than one friend but I said its very low key this year (he doesn't know there's a trip of a lifetime happening soon so we are saving up).

He hasn't been invited to others parties and that's life. You take the good with the bad.

Show quote history

That’s fine in your scenario as your DC gets to decide who he wants and that’s perfect as no one can argue with one child being invited etc..

The issue is, how would how would your DC feel if 21/25 kids were invited and your DC was one of the four out of 25 that wasn’t invited? I imagine not great….

dcadmamagain · 07/09/2024 23:22

I can go one better than that - one boys mum asked me to do joint bday disco party for our boys in same class.

I decided against it as my son dudnt like dancing so I said thanks but no thanks

I arranged a football party for the Saturday invited her son / she arranged a swimming party for the Sunday but did NOT invite my son, all boys at party on Saturday left saying to each other see you tomorrow....

People are shit

neilyoungismyhero · 07/09/2024 23:28

At pre school a friend's son was the only child in a class of 25 who wasn't invited to a party. He wasn't a horrid boy either.

Copperoliverbear · 07/09/2024 23:33

I think that is so unkind the whole class should be invited, if it's a big party.

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