Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

160 replies

GotMooMilk · 15/02/2024 21:56

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 15/02/2024 21:56

I think it’s unkind to exclude only three and make it obvious by doing paper invites. I hope your DD is ok.

irishapple · 15/02/2024 21:57

I've been there and it's heartbreaking. My experience was actually a very close friend not inviting my child and even I was hurt 😞

It's a good lesson though - try to take the positive from it

Comedycook · 15/02/2024 21:58

So shit

Lizzieregina · 15/02/2024 21:58

Yes unkind and unnecessary.

My kids’ school only allowed distribution of invitations if everyone (or every same sex as sometimes girls invited all girls and boys, all boys) was included.

Original poster
GotMooMilk · 15/02/2024 22:03

Thanks I’m glad it’s not me hugely over reacting. It’s a good lesson and that’s how we are playing it and we are going to do something nice that day with the other girls instead I think but eeugh. I remember that sibling ‘left out’ feeling as a child and it’s just awful.

OP posts:
Phoeebee · 15/02/2024 22:19

Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

Parties like this still get around that some were not invites though. So maybe this is why.

Kendodd · 15/02/2024 22:19

YANBU
I remember when my kids were little they used to go to play group from 10 to 12 in the morning at a village hall. About 20 kids used to attend. One kid had a birthday party booked at the village hall to start straight afterwards from 12 until 2. Kids parent was busy setting up arriving with food etc for the party. Only half of the children in the group had been invited so they had to watch the set up and food coming in, then leave, because they weren't invited. Lots of the parents of the invited children looked really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. Birthday kids mum seemed obvious and cheerily waved the uninvited children out of the building so the party could start. Kids were aged about four.

achangewoulddougood · 15/02/2024 22:20

Our teachers at Primary would take them from the kids in the morning and put them in book bags over brea/lunch so the kids didn't know until they got home. It was usually the nasty parents who'd make sure everyone knew...

StarlightLime · 15/02/2024 22:21

Yes, don't most schools refuse to allow invites to be handed out at school now? Clearly not all...

StarlightLime · 15/02/2024 22:22

Kendodd · 15/02/2024 22:19

YANBU
I remember when my kids were little they used to go to play group from 10 to 12 in the morning at a village hall. About 20 kids used to attend. One kid had a birthday party booked at the village hall to start straight afterwards from 12 until 2. Kids parent was busy setting up arriving with food etc for the party. Only half of the children in the group had been invited so they had to watch the set up and food coming in, then leave, because they weren't invited. Lots of the parents of the invited children looked really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. Birthday kids mum seemed obvious and cheerily waved the uninvited children out of the building so the party could start. Kids were aged about four.

Some people have the emotional intelligence of a gnat.

cadburyegg · 15/02/2024 22:23

I don't get upset about these things. I am not doing parties for my kids this year but I don't have a clue of all the names of my kids' classmates, I would just invite who they want to invite. I don't have the names and numbers of every parent either, even with my y4, new kids start at the school.

Not everyone can be invited to every party and I have told my children the same.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/02/2024 22:25

Yes. That's unkind. There is no need to exclude just 3 girls and there is also no need to hand out invitations when not everyone is invited - that's smug.....start a WhatsApp group for the parents.

Notimeforaname · 15/02/2024 22:27

It's just part of life. Things we all need to experience and go through to build resilience.

Not everyone can and will be wanted and liked by everyone. Sooner we learn that, and learn how to deal with it, the better.

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

Kalevala · 15/02/2024 22:29

start a WhatsApp group for the parents.

Not always easy if you don't know the parents and use wrap around.

StarlightLime · 15/02/2024 22:30

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

Did that really happen?

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:31

@StarlightLime yes, that really happened, and it still upset me. That child bullied my son in secondary school as well. I still see his revolting mother around sometimes.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/02/2024 22:34

Notimeforaname · 15/02/2024 22:27

It's just part of life. Things we all need to experience and go through to build resilience.

Not everyone can and will be wanted and liked by everyone. Sooner we learn that, and learn how to deal with it, the better.

Disagree. We can teach our children to be kind and considerate of how their behaviour might make others feel.

cadburyegg · 15/02/2024 22:34

Also, even if invites are handed out separately or done on WhatsApp, the parents will still tell their children that they are going to Henrietta's party at the weekend, so the children will still talk about it at school

Fairyliz · 15/02/2024 22:35

Notimeforaname · 15/02/2024 22:27

It's just part of life. Things we all need to experience and go through to build resilience.

Not everyone can and will be wanted and liked by everyone. Sooner we learn that, and learn how to deal with it, the better.

I agree with this.
Yes it’s heartbreaking when your child is not invited but it’s a chance for them to learn to deal with disappointment whilst they are young and you are there to support them.
Imagine being shielded from disappointment all of your childhood, how would you cope as an adult when something bad happens?

Twentyoddyears · 15/02/2024 22:38

3 girls out of how many? I think this is relevant. Is it also boys and girls? If so then there's no issue here. Parties are expensive and if only around 80% are invited then it's clearly a cost/numbers thing.

Ds is 7 and I've given him a limit on how many he can invite due to our budget and told him to make a list of names. I have no idea how many boys or girls are in the class so if anyone feels left out, it's because my son doesn't consider them close enough friends.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/02/2024 22:38

Wow. No one has a right to be invited to someone elses party!

Kids need to learn to handle rejection with grace

floppybit · 15/02/2024 22:39

@sprigatito that's one of the saddest things I've ever read, that woman is truly an arsehole of the highest order.

StarlightLime · 15/02/2024 22:41

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/02/2024 22:38

Wow. No one has a right to be invited to someone elses party!

Kids need to learn to handle rejection with grace

The adults in this situation should be behaving with grace. The mum giving out the invitations and the teacher allowing it to happen in full view of the kids not included.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/02/2024 22:43

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Dd are 10 and 12 now, sometimes invited to big parties, sometimes not. I think they learnt pretty quickly to get over the disappointment even when others talk about what fun it was. There were plenty of other parties they did go to. I guess it would be different if the same kids were excluded every time.