To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

[GotMooMilk]

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

Sorry, 3 girls.

I think it is part of life. It would be lovely if everyone was invited or the inviting was done considerately but not everyone will teach this to their kids so they have to learn it in order to build resilience for when it happens in adulthood as well.

Unless they are the only one left out most kids will shrug it off and get revenge when their own birthdays come around.

@sprigatito

How utterly horrible!! Your poor DC, that is so cruel! You have to wonder at some people.
There was a bitch girl in my class who used to do this sort of thing, was very much the ‘top dog’. She made a point of not inviting girls to parties and play dates and leaving me and another girl out. It was horrible.
Ive never forgotten it, we were at Junior school. I turn 60 this year.
Hope your DC moved onwards and upwards.

Actually i disagree with ever inviting all kids. Certainly when year groups are over 30

Parties are organised by mums and often they pick the invitees.
Dd1 got annoyed with a boy who was mean about his party in reception taunting her she wasnt invited.
She hit him on the head!
Awful. However he has continued to be a very annoying kid ,(now 12) and if anything got worse.
I actually think its more important to Realise who your dc actual friends are.
As dc got invited to a few yr r to y3 then none.

Friends are the ones who invite for non party outings... At weekends etc.

Op, you think around 24 was invited to the party and around 6 children, boys and girls left out?
That would be 25 including the bday child Going to the party. This is a standard number of guests for most kids party venues.

Those saying the left out kids should be included, you're looking at £10-20 per head. Times that by 6 and that's potentially an extra £120 + not exactly a little extra to pay.

Yes it's not nice being left out but I think you're projecting here. Whatever the reason for your child not being invited, it doesn't seem malicious or intentional on the birthday child's part. 3 boys and 3 girls is a fare split and like others have mentioned. You can't be invited to everything so it's best to teach your child resilience and help them not take it as personally as you have.

You're also just guessing numbers here so you don't actually know how many and who has been invited. The party could be 50% of the class and you've massively overreacted for no reason whatsoever.

@Twentyoddyears I agree that it’s fair- there are limits, im not upset dc wasn’t invited! Parties are expensive and it’s up to the birthday child who comes- don’t resent this at all. My moan was that there was a better way of handing out invites so it doesn’t cause some kids to feel upset when they’re in the minority who aren’t invited. Had it been a WhatsApp or discrete invite in bag they’d never know about the party and not be bothered. That’s what upset DC- the majority of their class running around excited about a party and pointing out that they weren’t included- not the lack of invite, that is very much one of those things.

The 3 boys would then be the only ones left out. Leaving out 3 children is worse than leaving out 6 children.

Sorry to go on but I’m not angling for an invite and understand that from most parties kids are effectively ‘left out’. It’s the in your face way it was done that made me feel sad for all the DC not invited. I don’t expect every party to be full class or my DC invited at all.

@GotMooMilk You're right, they could have handled it more discreetly to save the other children's feelings.

I remember when ds was in reception and his core group of friends was invited to a class party that he wasn't. I did feel a little pang of sadness in my heart for him but it was a really good lesson for him to learn.

We ended up doing something 'special' that day to take his mind off it and for future parties, he wasn't fussed when he wasn't invited.

I think it’s fine when the child only invites their actual friends. This tends to happen as they get older. I seem to remember only inviting a select few to my parties when I was a child. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted certain kids to be there and I would have said so. My DS is having a party soon but only inviting his friends.

I think full class parties should be full class parties and nobody missed out. HOWEVER, I don’t think children should be forced in to inviting any bullies. Tough luck on the bullies I’m afraid if they’re the only ones not invited. Part of being a bully - you miss out. All this “being the bigger person” shouldn’t be expected of a 7 year old. They should be able to enjoy their party without it being rubbed in their face that their bullies are there.

I have a 7yo and we are still doing whole class parties. Awful to leave out children at this age. Our parties are all arranged on the class WhatsApp group through the parents. I'm surprised kids are doing the invites at this age.

I'm so sorry this happened. People are truly vile. I'm glad that your ds has found his tribe and is happy now.

Yanbu op, this isn't ok. Yes not all kids are invited but then as a parent you arrange this discreetly. Even though kids will talk, it's not in your face. At our previous school there were a few group parties which was discreetly arranged. Ds was around 6 then, and I told him he was not to speak about him being invited at school. We then discussed how other might feel and it made him think, as well as think about if he might not be invited too.

I agree

Only parents completely lacking in emotional intelligence hand out invites at school publicly if the whole class isn’t invited. Anyone with a half a brain would know that it would hurt feelings of uninvited children.

It is true that children need to experience disappointment etc etc but if I went into work and handed out invites to an adult party in front of the whole office but didn’t invite a handful of colleagues, everyone would quite rightly think I was a total arse.

It’s shit but not everyone gets invited, and not all people are nice or kind is something that needs to be learned.
Make sure your DD knows it’s not her - it’s probably the parents doing or maybe the birthday girl. But it’s just the way it is.
Accept it and move on.

We all find this out eventually, but most of us don’t want our dc to know this too early in life. It takes away the lovely innocence that we live in a safe and kind place.

Completely agree

Nonsense. It’s not traumatic to learn as a child that not everyone likes you, just as you don’t like everyone, and that, subject to being reasonably civil when in proximity, this is ok.

That’s the kind of thing parents should be modelling for their children, as well as healthy, enjoyable, mutually nurturing friendships, where there are. But Mn contains an unrepresentative number of posters who struggle with friendships, and see ‘cliques’ and ‘exclusions’ everywhere. They often seem to project their unresolved childhood feelings onto their children.

A big problem I've found is parents who don't invite children if they don't know the parents well. This happened to my dd...it's actually really difficult because even if the child is popular and works to build friendships, it ends up meaning nothing when party invites come around

Life is like that. You win some, you lose some.😗

You can't force anybody to be your friend.

It’s upsetting but realistically not every kid is going to invite everyone and some kids don’t like other kids and don’t want to invite them. I remember telling my DD we had to invite x person as they’d invited her. Glad those days are over

That is appalling - I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. How unbelievably awful.

I refused to let mine invite all bar a couple of boys. When they were older they invited only a few, but in the younger years we invited all the boys. It is unbelievably cruel to leave 2 or 2 out. Have a cheaper party if necessary but invite them all.