To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

[GotMooMilk]

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

Are you sure it was 80% as in 24/30 children, or could it have been 80% of the girls and a few boys making up half the class?

So what??? The entitlement!

What entitlement? Op has literally said it's crap that the invites are handed out in front of those not invited.

I’m surprised there are still schools that allow invites handed out on school property.

When my DD was aged 10 ( she's 27 now) i can still remember her coming home from School very upset because her 'friend' dished out invites at playtime but excluded her. It made us see that girl in a different light after we had ferried her everywhere and had spent time at our home a lot, such as after School, weekend play dates etc.
Kids can be cruel so always be kind, its tough growing up!

Please tell me your little boy still had a wonderful party. My heart breaks for him. And you! No hurt is worse then a mother's for her child

I was always discreet about inviting kids. I thought parents who made a display of it on the playground or allowed their kids to were a bit crap. I remember a couple of mums approaching the line of kids waiting to be picked up and putting party hats on the ones invited to an after school joint party. 🙄

I know a child who was not invited to a party in her own back garden. The Ukrainian family living in their annex have a daughter in her class. Apparently the child is a social butterfly at school and birthday girl didn't want her playing Queen Bee at her party. So she just didn't get invited. Hard to fathom.

It isn’t really, though. It’s normal etiquette among adults that you don’t openly hand out invitations to an event in a group of people who normally spend time together and exclude a couple of people; it would be considered incredibly rude to do this in a workplace or hobby group.

Exactly

Of course you can’t be invited to every party and it’s a good lesson for your child. But only a prick would do this and I guarantee a lot of other parents are thinking what a prick they are. It will all shake down eventually and the kid will probably turn into a prick too sadly. There will be a few friends Whatsapp groups buzzing tonight about what a prick the parents are of this child. There card will
be marked.

Their card will be marked!! Sorry horrible typo.

Jesus. I’m so sorry. This has brought a lump to my throat. What an absolute fucking bitch.

OP doesn't say mum was present, could have dropped and gone , child was handingvthem out, and doesn't say the teacher was present. Our school only 2 staff come onto the yard until whistle is blown.

I’m sorry. I can’t believe a mother would march up to a young boy handing out invites and say any of this.

wow that’s incredibly cruel

There should be an unwritten rule about it really, but I guess the kid didn't get the memo. Her parents may well have not realised 3 people were excluded.
It's a shame, but try to move on and not make it a big deal. You could also ask DD casually if she wants to have the other 2 kids round for a little party round the same time? (and/or with other friends from outside of school) Just in case she is still feeling left out.

I'm a teacher. Our stance on this is that, unless the whole class are invited, no invites are to be given out on school grounds. I think it's worth mentioning to the school. It won't help now as your DD is already feeling (understandably) upset, but maybe they need to remind parents that this isn't acceptable so it doesn't happen to another child in the future.

For now, work on building DD's resilience. Remind her that parties cost a lot and not everyone can be invited etc. Possibly look into doing something together on the day of the party so she has something fun to look forwards to and share wheb other children are discussing the party.

That's your prerogative @PorpoiseWithPurpose - we can never be sure anyone is telling the truth on the internet 🤷🏻‍♀️

It absolutely did happen though. We rescheduled the party and still invited the whole class. About half of them came, not including her child. I try not to bear grudges, but I loathe that entire family, especially since Y8 when her son punched mine in the face during a lesson and lied his way out of punishment. DS1 is at university now and it's such a bloody relief that he's found his own tribe and doesn't have to deal with bullies any more.

Agreed. Our school doesn't allow this for that reason. What sort of person sends their child into school with invitations for half the class so the other half can stand and watch?! Twats.

My DCs' school had a rule that if you were throwing a party and wanted to hand out invitations in school everyone had to be invited.

I thought it was very sensible.

I agree too!

Is it only girls being invited and out of about 15 three were left our or 20% of a mixed class weren't invited?

Of course it's hurtful to be left out. Sounds like it was badly handled with the invites in the first place. They may have a limit on numbers though. I remember what a big thing parties were from when my two were in primary school.

As you said, you know they won’t be invited to every party and that’s life. I’m sure they feel a bit left out and it’s hard seeing your children upset, but not everyone can or wants to invite everyone and that’s ok. Just explain that to her. Hopefully your children be invited to other parties.

We invited everyone but 2 children once, they had bullied my child and a few other children in the class, no way were they ruining my child’s party. I’m sure some people think that’s awful.

It is awful. I would either do a whole class party or invite a few close friends discreetly.