To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

[GotMooMilk]

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

What an absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry that happened to your DS.

That's awful.

How did your son's party go on the day? I hope it was ok.

Oh yes.

i was with the mums in the pub (invited last minute) “see you all at pollys party in the morning!”

me “not invited so you wont” 👋🏻

The kids wont talk about if they are told why they shouldn't.

Yes, this. Mn has a bee in its bonnet about parties and ‘exclusions’, and it’s not about protecting the feelings of children who haven’t yet learned resilience, because the same people see “cliques’ and ‘exclusions’ and ‘Queen Bees’ everywhere among adults.

Wtaf? That’s horrific. I’m so sorry your son had to experience such cruelty and from not just an adult but a parent.

I had a Ukkrainian living with me, her child was invited to a whole class party. They were Y1, perfectly normal village hall party with a bouncy castle. Child was fine and had a good time. Mum was offended at how poor the party was, she went on about it for ages. No entertainment for the adults, just mums standing around talking 'like stupid people'. No clowns or fairground rides for the children, on and on it went.

Wow! Do regular working class Ukrainians have children's parties with all those things then?

I'm a teacher. Our stance on this is that, unless the whole class are invited, no invites are to be given out on school grounds.

Not even in bookbags? How do parents manage if they just want to invite a small number of children their child plays with but don't know the other parents?

According to my old guest, yes. She wasn't rich and just working in hospitality in Ukraine. Everything about the Ukraine is better than the UK according to her, and actually, Ukrainians DO return to Ukraine for medical and dental treatment. I know a lot of what she said we just bravardo though.

I wondered if the old ‘entitlement’ thing would be w thrown around- I don’t expect DC to be invited to every party obviously! It’s not the party it’s the way it was done. I’d never hand out invites to an event I was having in a situation where all but a couple of people there were invited it just feels rude.
DC is resilient she’s moved on it’s part of life. But so are basic manners.

Teachers have enough going on. This is a parent thing. Sometimes parents actually have to be held responsible for the decisions they make.

Fo you know if that is every year and whole class parties? Or do they save up, do it every few years and only invite the number of children they can meet that high standard for?

I've started doing invitations by WhatsApp / text tbh! Dh hates it but I prefer it for this reason and also so it can't get lost in a book bag on the way to / home from school

Not be invited for a off's party sure upsetting maybe but my child has been invited to parties with no idea who the child is due to this 'invited the world' party so no not bothered

But I do think it's worse for parents not children this parry politics thing

Personally I just took my child to parties they were invited too and did not worry about the rest

I would have punched her

I hope the parents of three girls not invited have something lovely planned instead. It is a life lesson sadly but it still stings when this happens. I’m the TA that discreetly puts the invites in book bags to save upset feelings in little ones.

YANBU OP.

Yes it is a fact of life but that doesn't make you feel better when it's your kid who's upset about being excluded.

Should be given out discreetly. It's mean and I'd never dream of excluding people like that if most of the class is going.

Some children really struggle forming friendships and bonds for a number of reasons. I'd hate for the kids to be left out and watch all their peers sharing their delight about being invited.

Not quite the same but I remember being about 8 or 9 when one of the girls in my class went to Florida on holiday. She brought back about 12 Minnie mouse keyrings or something.

Then the teacher called out the names in turn of each child getting a keyring and they went up to the front of the class one by one to collect theirs. I was one of the 3 or 4 girls who didn't get a keyring.

Awful situation by an awful family and a teacher who should have had more sense.

Over 30 years later and I still remember.

Re things like entertainment for grown ups and putting on a big party...that doesn't appeal to me! I'm not English (American born, Irish woman who now lives near London) fwiw.

I much prefer to get in and out quickly. Favourite parties are the ones with no catering where they just do the activity and get handed a party bag 😂

I once went to a bday party (English couple) who did the most amazing food and loads of drink for grown ups! It was lovely but just seemed really unnecessary to me. A coffee will do!

But interesting to read that people from other countries think low key parties are rude!

This is just life though. The best thing you can do is help your Dd understand that sometimes they won’t be included and that’s ok.

But interesting to read that people from other countries think low key parties are rude!

I wonder if it is the whole class thing that means parents have to keep it low key? My sister doesn't know what to do when her child has a birthday. Her child plays with some children from their class and some children from the other class. Can they just invite these children? Whole class plus some extras will be a lot and require a low key village hall party, two classes unthinkable.

@Kalevala I don't know, but even smaller parties I'd prefer to either drop and run or just the activity and whatever food for the kids. I don't really see kids' parties as entertainment for me.

It's nice when people do it, but I prefer it when it's as straightforward as possible tbh! I think most parents in my dcs school are the same tbh.

It definitely must vary between cultures though. I think ove acclimatised so much to the culture of London and the SE that I can't imagine anything else. I'm interested now though and might ask irish friends and family what they do

Gosh this invite thing has got out of hand.

It's normal to only invite selected people to events. It's hard when you know you're not but I doubt those people invite everyone to everything throughout their whole life.

I also don't agree with schools banning invites being handed out unless you are financially able enough to invite a whole class. It discriminates against those who already know their family doesn't have as much money to also not be able to hand out invites the same way.

If it isn't done in class it's done outside the school gates. Still the same thing - some are invited and some are not.

Also what happens to those children who attend wrap around care and can't do it in school time?

It's a hard lesson to learn but it's a life lesson - you aren't the centre of everyone else's world and you won't be invited to everything at school, hobby club or work.

@itsgettingweird

I agree. As a young girl, a party tended to be half the girls and some boys. If you weren't invited it was because you weren't close enough of a friend to make the list.

I don't know what parents are meant to do these days when they may not know the other parents, they may have shared care or use wrap around so they are not always at the school gates. Social anxiety, neurodiversity too.