To have said I won’t go?

[Leaveitou]

Friend we will call ‘S’ and I often go out drinking on the weekends and having a good time out (late 20s and childless).
S asked me to go to an event they could arrange free tickets for that they knew I’d love so I said yes and we made the plans about 2 months in advance to the event.

S then informs me that their friend group (FG) from home would visit my city as they aren’t local to attend the event with us. I said absolutely no problem, more the merrier and I’ve met them previously so no issues there.

Now to the issue - event isn’t all night long so we planned to continue the night with our usual bars like always however FG requested we go to a bar that is the one place I cannot attend. I reminded S that I couldn’t go to that bar and they said how much FG really loved it last time they visited and want to go again. I said I am thinking of not going to the event then as I don’t want to go for everyone to then leave me to go to a place they know I can’t go. S thinks I’m being ridiculous to cancel the whole night and thinks it should be enough that I’m going to the event.

AIBU to not go? I won’t enjoy the event knowing that they will ditch me to be selfish arseholes and go somewhere I can’t go knowing I can’t when there are plenty of other bars. Especially stings as the original plan did not involve these people but now S thinks it’s their responsibility to play host to them and go where they want with no regard to how that’s made me feel?

I don’t understand people saying that S is being selfish and why would they agree to go with FG. Maybe they also like this particular bar (maybe it’s themed or something who knows), and doesn’t get a chance to visit because of the OP. So now they have the opportunity to visit with their FG, albeit without OP.

Why should they never visit a particular bar again, because of a pact OP made? I wouldn’t expect any of my friends to do this, nor would they expect me. It’s immature.

I don’t understand people saying that S is being selfish and why would they agree to go with FG.

I think it's that the original arrangement was just Op & S.

Now S wants to accommodate her other friends at the expense of Op.

Idk, for one night & in a group I'd probably go to the bar but Op obviously doesn't want to.

S goes to the bar plenty when im not out. It’s a normal bar. They’re from a well off family and doesn’t work so they go out during the week and always go to that bar. They aren’t missing out

I think everyone commenting is being a dick.

Even if OP did something stupid and got banned, you stick by your friends. You don’t ditch them on a night out to go to the one bar they’re banned from.

There are presumably dozens of other bars. Nobody’s night is going to be ruined by not going to one specific bar, but OP’s night could be ruined by knowing her friends are fine with essentially excluding her from part of the evening.

Friend could literally go any other time, with any other person, if she wanted to.

Just not on the night she’s arranged out with OP who doesn’t want to go to that bar.

Errrrrrrrr.......I dont know who ' S' is but :
YOU are being ' TRIANGULATED'
' Triangulation' is using a Third person ( or group) to make a person feel unwanted / sidelined.
Shes showing you that she dont care about your feelings.
I should reciprocate the mind game: carry on like normal. Just dont turn up. Instead plan something else special like Your fave restaurant or takeaway.
When she asks what happed be vague. Like you bumped into an old friend or something.

Just thought I’d quickly update! I ended up having a lovely evening tonight with my friendship group (one that S knows but isn’t a part of). Have had a few gins and we are readying ourselves to go have a dance. I’m feeling much better and although it’s a shame I’ll miss the event id rather be with people who won’t abandon me! Hope everyone is having a lovely Friday

@Leaveitou That's great. You are right, stick with people you trust.

You could go out and bump into her anywhere to be honest.
I think at some point you're going to have to face the music.
Its up to you really, I don't think you're being unreasonable either way if you don't want to go. I think I'd do the event and, I'd probably do the club. He does the dirty and yet you two have to avoid things? Pfft nah.

Hope you bowed out of your previous plans graciously and didn't make some massive 'me, me,me' drama out of it.

There's some real selfish arsehols on this thread. I'm glad I don't have some of you lot as friends

Okay Alanis

Wow, you’re so clever 🙄

There are a few further updates from last night but I don’t think people would actually believe me if I posted them!

Go on.

Post them anyway

You walked past that bar and saw it was closed for two weeks for renovation but have decided not to tell anyone

You bumped into OW and had a drink with her and ended up sharing a bargain bucket

Your ex appeared and walked up to you and you put him down so completely he is still embedded in the floor

So I passed the woman (who works in the bar) on the street and she gave me a very frosty look - so I’d say it was absolutely the right call to not have attempted to go in.

But this one is the real kicker. S’s friends arrived yesterday and so they all went out also. I didn’t know this was happening but we bumped into them in one of the bars. Turns out, they went to the bar woman works in, one of the people in the FG got totally drunk and unruly and got them all - wait for it - barred.

If I didn’t believe in karma before, I do now.

I’m a bit confused. I thought the outing was on Saturday night.

I'm guessing the plan wasn't always to go out last night or why so desperate to go to the same bar again tonight?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, if I was you I’d be hurt and if I was s I’d say to others we can’t go there, some people just aren’t very nice

I can’t believe people find it so hard why you wouldn’t want to be in the same place as a woman who your partner/husband cheated on you with? Why is it immature? It’s not the ex dictating, both woman have chosen this for their own mh. There’s about a million other bars why go there? Also posters saying just go are really not nice people

Why?

There’s no mention of Saturday.

The event was tonight (Saturday). But I assume they wanted to go for drinks on the Friday as well once they arrived in Liverpool.

It was quite funny