To explode at family pressuring to see newborn?

[coconean]

I have a newborn and not had the best birth and have been quite poorly.

I have explained to family several times now when I am ready I will let them know.
Quite a few of family members have complained of fevers, flu etc so for obvious reasons im keeping my distance.

Nobody seems to be respecting what I am saying and keep bombarding me with texts, like let me enjoy my baby!

I feel ready to explode, I didnt do this when they had babies and left them to it until they were ready and just want the same respect.

The last sentence does not ‘cover it’ unless you’re trying to be an arsehole. Reread the second paragraph and let that sink in a little more, and then have a think about why OP should put others demands over her own needs right now.

To you, maybe.
To other people, not so.

It doesn't sound like they are exactly given the choice. No partner involved, no fresh air, no freedom, like a mother and baby jail unit. They can't even give baby to dad for a few hours so they can nap. It's like something out of a horror film.

To you, maybe.
Not to others.

That’s unfortunate for you, but telling OP to be grateful because of your situation is not necessary especially with people who didn’t care about seeing her until a baby was born.

This is hypothetical and unnecessarily unkind. Poor OK had a difficult birth 6 days ago.

You'll be on in a couple of years complaining that your DC's grandparents and uncles and aunts aren't interested in the DC and barely bother visiting, a precedent that you are setting now.

Utter nonsense, ime.

I want to feel sorry for you but also want to say please stop being so precious. Let your family meet their newborn relative. If they didn't want to meet baby I'm sure that'd be wrong too?

Fucking hell, OP's been through a difficult birth, is still unwell and understandably is feeling fragile. Now people that she hasn't seen in years are persistently demanding to come and hold the baby.

YANBU OP. But you need a gatekeeper, someone who can keep all this stress away from you until you're ready to deal with it. Can someone you know take on that role?

Its still very early days, and I've had my fair share of difficult births and all the pain that comes with it afterwards.

Of course you are still recovering, still healing, and getting used to have a little one to feed and care for 24/7. I can imagine you are still feeling exhausted. Who on earth would want visitors around?

Take all the time you need, and switch off to all the demands.

Hopefully in another week or two you will be feeling a bit brighter and more mentally/physically prepared to have visitors.

Wishing you a speedy recovery :)

That's not exactly fair when the people who want to see said baby have been ill themselves with flu and colds etc. At least give the baby a short while to adjust to life outside the uterus. Not PFB at all to want to keep an otherwise healthy baby, well, healthy.

My mum, dad and pils all met their child, our ds the day after he was born. They came to visit us in hospital. I wouldn't have had it any other way. As ds grew, he had a wonderful bond with them all and the photos of that day are lovely memories with gp's holding our ds in their arms and just looking so proud and so happy.

Christ why is there so much use of the word 'precious' to describe a natural reluctance to allow people with illnesses to come and slobber all over a newborn?

@MustBeGinOclock OP has had some family visits and is happy for her parents and three other relatives to visit. Your post sounds snarky. Have you RTWT and what she has been/going through?

OP's PIL have also seen her baby and she wants her parents to visit, so, although that is a lovely story @Bbq1, not sure what the point was?

Well, that sounds about as appealing as solitary confinement does at any other time - which might be very to some people! Personally it sounds beyond awful.

I think people have really different instincts with newborns, and could do with being more understanding of each other. I personally was absolutely desperate to show off my new babies and would have stood on the street corner inviting in strangers or taken out a billboard if I'd only thought of it! I had absolutely no reluctance to have others hold them etc. But my experience isn't universal - lots of women do feel that, and I think even those who can't understand it should respect it. OP has a tiny baby and is recovering from a difficult birth, I absolutely don't see why she should see people she doesn't want to see.

God OP.. I really feel for you! Some of the replies on here are absolutely shocking. Yes, many people are happy for visitors straight away but equally many are not. You are not wrong for not wanting people in your space while you recover and bond with your baby. Please don't let those who were happy, let you feel shit for not being up for it. It's a really hard time for alot of women. Stick to your guns. Congratulations! I hope you recover quickly 💐

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam if you have RTWT you will know that the OP has recently gone through A LOT and is only just back home, fighting an infection, probably in a lot of pain, with her newborn and you are on here trying to score points against her and are telling her that you know her motivations better than she does herself. Nice one! In the politest possible terms (I could say worse) grow up.

Projection because their own families didn’t care and/or they didn’t read OP’s posts or read them properly. She does mention the illness part in the first OP though so maybe they’re the types that still believe it will be fine or good for the baby. 🙄

First of all OP, congratulations on your baby.

You had a difficult birth and your needs for rest and recovery are a priority now. The people demanding to see your baby are being completely disrespectful and selfish. I would say it's completely shocking but it's clearly a mentality clearly shared by many on here, so not that unusual.

You are allowed to take all the time you need. I think it's very telling that despite making clear how you are feeling clear their response is still demanding to see baby instead of doing something to help like prepare a meal or drop off some groceries. That tells you everything you need to know.

I would mute all their chats at this point and do what you need for yourself and baby.

That it's natural and normal to see family soon after the birth, that's the point. Yes, it is a genuinely lovely story as sadly both my lovely dad and pils have passed away since so those memories and photos mean a lot to me. Op's choice though. Up to her. Can please herself.

@Golden407 it's definitely not narcissistic by any means.

Trying to recover from childbirth and not wanting visitors and just wanting to take care of yourself and your new baby is NOT NARCISSISTIC!

What the fuck how old are you?

You'd be a nightmare mother in law for sure.

Delay in seeing newborn child within 6 days --- she's a narcissistic.

Do me a fucking favour. New mothers don't need people like you around.

@coconean - could you plan for a visit say in 10 days time with your parents and siblings. Give them time to prepare for the visit and get themselves well again and also give you time to get well again?

I would consider sending out a text message saying something like this (only a suggestion please note)
"Hi Every one,
We understand just how excited everyone is now that X has arrived, healthy and full of life. However, I'm not well enough yet to have visitors due to complications during and after the birth. I'd rather not go into it at the moment but suffice to say things are quite raw 😉😉.
As you have mentioned that you're under the weather, we would really prefer you to see X when you've recovered from the flu/headcold/whatever, so can we suggest a date of 29th Feb/1st March for your visit? I know it's not ideal but I'm hoping that I'll be feeling more like my old self too by that time. DH and I are taking photographs regularly of X and we've set up this photo album online that you can browse in the meantime but we really need time to recover and adjust to our new lives as parents. We appreciate that this isn't what was on the cards but we must all learn to make adjustments based on the situations we find ourselves in. Off to take a nap when X takes a nap. Talk again closer to 29th Feb/1st March to arrange times. All the best, Coco"

Just also to add my own personal congratulations on the birth and commiserations on the tear and anaemia. That can't be easy.

It’s fine! When I read the first post I thought no one had met baby at all which seemed a shame. However, to read on and find that it’s relatives you have no relationship with, I don’t see the problem. You are no more obliged to have those people in your home than you are to let the postman in for a look. Because let’s be honest, that’s what they want. A look, a cuddle, a photo and then they’ll fade back into the background of life again.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to send a final “not yet but I’ll be in touch” then block It mute their numbers temporarily.

I’m not trying to minimise your feelings in anyway, but new babies in the family have a way of bringing people out the woodwork (but in the nicest way). They are trying to enjoy your moment with you, if they have kids of their own they remember what it feels like to have their own little one and want to share in that feeling. I had cousins, Aunty’s, uncles who came to visit my baby because they was excited for my mum to have became a nan, they wanted to celebrate with her and bring gifts etc.
Maybe arrange a date for them to visit when you are ready, don’t let it spoil your baby bubble. You could even say to them why don’t you come visit on X date and start to plan people in now, so it takes placates them a little.