In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

Would your husband suggest that they draw up the same agreement that his sister has so the money is ring-fenced if you divorce? How would he/you feel about that, OP?

No, the OP is married to her DH whose parents are trying to get back their deposit money.

the OP has split from the ex, who is the father of her 9yo son.

This is awful, they sound like absolute dicks. Honestly don't think your DH should even return the original 80k, it was a gift and they have no right to ask for it back.

Sorry if someone has mentioned but but if it’s to make sure your child doesn’t benefit then why ask for the 160k back not just the 80k, asking for the 160 is even more bitter and twisted when you look at it from that perspective they’re supposedly coming from.

I think this is for your dh to sort out with his parents. He accepted the 80k from them and owned the house for years before you got together. It’s his issue to deal with.

Given they want this money back I think it’s safe to assume you won’t be in the will

I think if I were your DH I'd have to insist if I were giving money back they ought to ask for the same "gift" back from all the siblings

The 80k not the 160....

Arseholes

The house you live in now is already a marital asset. If your DH (god forbid) were to die unexpectedly now, you would expect to inherit.

Why is it that moving to a new house has bought all this crap to the surface??

The point to kick up a fuss if they wanted to protect their £80k was when you got married, not when you are considering buying a new home. Far too late now.

And as for asking for £160k? Pffft that’s ludicrous.

They are being foolish and unreasonable.

I think I’d just say to them we can’t afford to give you it back, we never expected to have to give it back, sorry not sorry 🤷‍♀️

This is some seriously terrible action from the ILs!

They gifted their son some money/ he spent it wisely on a house. He's happily partnered up with you and with 2 children. One bio and one not. I assume he’s a good dad who loves them both?

And now they want to set the whole thing aflame?

If I were you I would hope and pray DH would tell his parents to stop this nonsense. I would also tell siblings.

if the parents insisted on the return I would say no.

The relationship is fcuked now. Just be careful it doesn’t ruin your relationship with your partner. Which could be their ultimate motive.

God they are evil. Evil people.

Presumably they are asking now as they think that the funds will be there to give them.

I'd pay the fuckers back as I wouldn't want their money anymore.

They are totally unreasonable. I would tell them to stop being ridiculous. If I were you I would never have anything to do with them again, and their access to their grandchild would be seriously limited, ie only if your DH took her to see them. It's your DH's decision what he does - frankly their behaviour is unforgivable.

If they wanted to tie it up to that extent, they should have taken legal advice and put the money in trust. They don't have any right to demand the return of a gift.

However, if your husband wants to keep them happy he could perhaps offer to put £160K in trust for your children together as soon as he is able to, if only to try to protect it from being seized towards care home fees in 40/50 years' time. If one of you chooses to put the equivalent in trust for your oldest child, there's no reason why your husband should tell his parents about it.

This one million percent.
Absolute arse holes.
Petty CFs and I'd be having nothing more to do with them.
They aren't calling in the money from the other siblings either so are just plain nasty.
For God's sake don't let your DH return that 80 grand that was a gift.
Good luck in your future new bigger home and future new baby 😘.

So they basically gave your husband money as an investment for themselves - without telling him they were investing?

And now want a 100% return on their original £80k? What untrustworthy people they are.

Can't imagine the reaction they will receive if they go around telling their friends about this. Mil once tried to demand 5k off dh. He just didn't reply to the email.

During the buying process they would have had to provide a document to the mortgage company and/or the solicitor to confirm that this was a gift as you have to provide proof of the origin of your funds when you buy a house dues to money laundering checks.

So basically they don't legally have any claim to ask for this money back.

It doesn't seem like they had an informal arrangement with your partner either to get the money back and interests so frankly I would tell them to get lost...

Shameful as well that they said this is because of your elder son.

I would distance myself from them after that.

Can they explain why your husband should be so much worse off than his sibling just because he's married someone with an older child? How do they know that one of his siblings won't choose to fritter away all the money so that their other grandchildren don't benefit?

Your husband can not offer them part of your home end of. If it was a gift then it is a gift. He is looking at giving them £160 K of family money. If you divorced half of everything at least is yours - end of. Make sure it isn’t him thinking of divorce eg I give my parents £160 K and then we split what is left. Don’t offer them a penny. Get any texts from him saved declaring it was a gift and cover your own back. The last thing you need is him giving them money back - has he not put the house in joint names yet?

This seems so unkind of them

The answer is 'No- you gave the money to each of us as a gift to help us by a home. That is what I did with it and I was very grateful for that. Thank you.'

My in-laws did this. Was different in that in our case was owing to their poor financial management. They helped my DH with a deposit (25k) and while he then housed his brother rent/utility/food bill free for 5 years and they also told us the deposit was our wedding present, when BIL got married and wanted to get on property ladder they had no cash and so demanded not only for the deposit but also the increase in value. It was 75k in total (period of 10 years in London so prices had tripled). I was on mat leave with no 1. I want to tell them to get lost - my DH wouldn’t do that. We remortgaged and raised the money (thankfully interest rates low), but I told my DH we would not borrow/take a penny from them ever again (they have offered from time to time). I also put in writing that we disputed they were entitled to this money and would challenge any further claims.

Damaged relationship for a bit. My DH blamed his BIL and that relationship has been badly damaged - I think this is unfair as I don’t think BIL said “get money off them”, but just “can you help me like you helped DH”.

We do see them now. I have been very tough on gifts to the children (my mil wanted their bank details and I said any money could come through me). I’ve kept a detailed spreadsheet so can ensure spread out evenly between kids.

I raise all the above in part because I wonder if this is actually to do with your kid or that is being used as cover for poor financial management (and hence demands for greater sums)? As other have said you could test that theory by saying you could ring fence equity to biological grandchild (you can change will after) and see what they raise.

I’d tell them that you’ll pay the cash back after your husbands siblings pay the cash back.

They sound vile, if I was your DH I'd be telling them that I'd give then their money back when the other siblings gave their money back too.
If I was you I'd be having nothing further to do with them for the sake of your older child. Nasty people.

Profit made on the increase, e.g. £80,000 extra is what the ILs want extra so £80,000 would be considered reportable income.