In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

Btw if you do repay them and include extra, e.g. to correspond to how much the house increases, make sure HMRC knows about their extra, taxable income.

Your husband should offer to repay the original sum when his siblings do and tell his parents he’ll go NC if they pursue this.

It was a gift, I wouldn't be giving it back. Especially due to their reasons. I would go NC with anyone doing to that to my child (step or birth)
I would say no. I would also have a word with siblings. Everyone should be aware of the situation.
Maybe loosing a son and a current GC plus any future GC will make them wake up.

What would be taxable?

No, I’d say that DH shouldn’t pay a penny back. It was a gift they can’t just ask for it back 20 years later.

The fact your mil treats her step grandchild differently to bio children is disgusting. That child is his sibling’s brother. My brother is a ‘half’ brother but he doesn’t feel remotely half, he is my brother. My father treated my brother like he was a son, my stepfather (father to my brother) treated me as second rate, but his mother treated me as a bio grandchild which I appreciated so much.

The way I was treated as second rate by my stepfather really impacted my mental health growing up and made me
anxious and unconfident and effected my relationship with my brother too as I was so jealous he was treated better than I.

Cut the bitch out of your life. She is toxic and her differential treatment of your children is going to cause damage to their sibling relationship.

people like are awful. Nice people seem to die early and nasty people like your and my mil seem to thrive into old age, pickled in piss and vinegar.

whatever happens this is a hill to die, keep this witch away from your children. Dh can keep a relationship with them obviously but leave you all out of it.

God how horrible. Despicable in fact! It was a gift, they don’t get to control what happens with it! I would be telling them no purely on principle. As pp said until the other siblings give the money back, fuck that.

Blimey, theyre worse than loan sharks arent they! Double their money back??? And you thought it was a gift?

What are they going to do? Smash your knee caps and send you to sleep with the fishes?

Have they fallen out with you? Do they have a cocaine or gambling problem?

Using a Uk calculator for the period £1000 20 years ago would have accrued interest to be £1473 and so £80k would be £117,840 and in reality by careful moving they could have got more.

Italian, are they Mafia??

Fact of the matter is that the £80k was a gift so they haven't got a leg to stand on. I wouldn't be paying a single penny back to them.

This would honestly be the end of my relationship with them if it was me. How can they have so much contempt for your child?

How have they communicated that their issue is your eldest possible 'profiting from their money'? Was it through your DH?

How does your DH feel about this? If I were him I think it would also pretty much destroy my relationship with parents. It's just despicable.

Absolutely this.

Whatever happens now with the money, they have trashed the relationship.

Apologies if this has already been mentioned, I've only read the OP's posts.

Do they realise that what they want to happen would mean that both your children, not just the eldest, won't benefit from the gift, which disadvantages your youngest by comparison with his cousins? Is that really what they want to do?

You may not be able to change their way of thinking, but they may change their actions themselves if they realise that their current plan has unintended and undesirable consequences.

They resent your children and don't want you benefitting financially from any divorce. Bit late now as the money was a gift and legally they can't claim it back.

Whether you pay them or not, sounds like your relationship with them is over now you know how they feel, might as well have an extra £160k to put down on a new house.

I'm glued to this thread as I just haven't heard anything like it. Whether you give the money back or not they've ruined the relationship. Even if they did a big U turn and changed their mind it's too late. The relationship is now ruined.

I have seen no paperwork but it emerged this week that siblings were getting married around the same time when all this was done. Only Sister’s money was ring fenced should she divorce. Husband’s and his brother’s weren’t

Just noticed this from one of your earlier posts, OP

What the hell was all that about??

The EX op refers to is the father of her eldest child, the nine year old.
The op is now married to someone else and has a three year old to him and it’s his parents who aide asking for the deposit back.

Your in laws are trying it on.

If were to give them back the 80k then your eldest would not be benefitting from their money, because he never had access to it. He would be benefitting from his mother and step-fathers money.

Your DH needs to tell them that he'll return their money, when his siblings do. 80k and not a penny more.

How on earth do they think you're going to find £160k! Absolutely bonkers!
Something else surely must be going on with them here? Do they perhaps perceive you as a golddigger and only after his house/money? Your DH needs to sit down and have a calm chat with them and set them straight. Even then I would feel any future relationship with them has been compromised by them.

The gave him the money 20 years ago, he married OP 5 years ago. I'm not sure explaining 15 year old gifts is a thing.

Did you miss the bit about the ILs acknowledging it was a gift and they have no legal right to it?

remortgage the house?
there are now 2 of them and the mortgage is small at the moment

I'm a fan of separate finances, and would be very uncomfortable in your shoes, to have benefitted so hugely from someone else's financial situation, whilst not contributing much yourself.

However, the fact that the other siblings are not being asked to repay money, and the GPs have vocalised that they are wanting the money back specifically to exclude your eldest child, is awful. They should either want the money back from all three siblings (ie it was an investment), or none.

Not a single penny would I return if they were my parents.

And when I moved they would not have my new address.

Good luck OP, there would be no coming back from this for me. Ever.

Not for you to get involved in tbh. It’s for him and his parents to discuss. Also it depends how the next house will be set up. I.e. when I moved in with my ex I put in a contract to say if we split up eveything I put in was mine and he got none of it - and I am so glad I did!

They sound utterly, utterly vile.