Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

Thank you so much for your post. What you have talked about with your friend, all of that for us. But worse in some ways, I told the story to someone recently, and they could not believe it. I still can't and it was well over a decade ago. Forgetting the money, we wanted one worthless tiny sentimental possession as a memory, and even that was denied...
I really don't dwell on it now, it's only when I read stories like this on MN.

Of course it is his money - but that doesn't mean OP shouldn't feel hurt and betrayed as she has expressed.

My money is mine - of course - but if I left it all to one of my kids, and not the other one - then it would be totally legitimate and fair enough for that kid to feel hurt and hard done by.

OP, your DF sounds awful. Dating someone before you even had your DM funeral. What an absolute piece of shit. He is not protecting your inheritance, he is thinking of yourself.

You need to focus on yourself and emotionally disengage from this man. As he was abusive - you cannot trust him or rely on him to do anything other than serve himself.

You should focus on finding peace away from him.

Sadly, the only way to avoid this would have been for your mum to have foreseen the inevitability and made provision for it in her will. She could have left half her assets to your dad and divided the other half between you and DB. Or left him nothing because he was an abusive.

But women who stick with abusive men rarely make good choices on their death.

OP, this happened to me, lost my mum tragically young, DF remarried within 9 months, he has since died, but he and step mum created a trust which is split between me and step siblings upon her death. She was younger than him, I’ll probably be too old to benefit from the estate but I can pass it down to my DC. I get your hurt, yes, but my DM could have left directly to her DC but she trusted my DF. We won’t get as big a share of the estate since stepmum brought nothing to relationship except her 3 DC, however he was an awkward sod to look after and him being with her meant I didn’t have to worry about him.

Ignore the 'you're being grabby' people. I don't know whether it's jealousy, or if they all earn so much money that an inheritance wouldn't make any difference

At what point is the older generation supposed to give up on life and stop spending so as not to safeguard their children's inheritance?

Of course, then we got the dripfeed that he is an unpleasant man, which make all the suggestions about how he could safeguard the OP's inheritance a bit redundant.

OP, it is what it is and I'm sorry about it, but there is absolutely nothing you can do, just be glad that there is someone there to look after your dad when he becomes infirm.

I think this situation is deeply painful and some of the responses are too quick to accuse OP of being grabby or presumptive about getting an inheritance.

One thing I’ve learnt about MNers over the years is that many are obsessed with money and resentful of anyone who has or might get any. Hence the schadenfreude behind the assurances that OP doesn’t have a right to anyone’s money and grabby to think she might. Of course they would be equally devastated in the same situation.

This is all very familiar unfortunately, it seems to be common for a certain type of narcissist man to immediately replace a wife with another to look after them, like a business transaction. It's shocking, but I'm not surprised he started scouting around for one even before your mum's funeral. As long as you think her own children will look out for her, I'd give them both a very wide birth, and be glad he won't be dependent on you as he ages. There's nothing else you can do, you can't guarantee an inheritance, so it's best to protect yourself as much as you can by having as little to do with him as possible.

I'm sorry, OP. That sounds very difficult. It does sound as though your father isn't acting in your best interests, but it must not come as a complete surprise that he's behaving selfishly, if he's an abusive narcissist. All you can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst (i.e. that you may not inherit as much as you were expecting, if anything at all). Focus your energies on doing everything you can to protect your own and your son's future.

Exactly this happened to a friend and she and her siblings ended up with nothing, so you are right to be concerned.

Your DF is clearly comfortably off, but an inheritance is only ever what is left, it's not meant to be reparations for an unhappy childhood. I think you will have to accept that you will not get as much as you were hoping as an inheritance, but there are never any guarantees anyway, as you have to make allowance for possible care costs, and possibly IHT too whatever the family circumstances.

You just have to keep lines of communication open and not make too many plans based on what you hope you will inherit. Fair doesn't really come into it I'm afraid.

Why on earth does the dad need to act in his daughter’s best interest? It’s his money, it’s not selfish.

Well your dad sounds like a piece of shit to be honest. Starting to date before your DMs funeral. That’s bloody awful. And a year on shacking up and selling up.

I’m all for people moving on but I don’t know many women who would jump into a relationship with a bloke whose wife had literally just died. She sounds like she might be on the vulnerable side and this may all collapse in the future (can’t see her kids being overly keen on the speed it’s progressed at either).

Sadly all you can do is step away from it and look after your own wellbeing.

I don’t think you’re being grabby at all, OP, but most MNers will always have a go at anyone who dares to expect anything from a parent - ‘It’s their money to do what they like with!’ - spouted parrot fashion on any such thread.

As someone of fairly advanced years, who certainly hopes to leave what dh and I have to dds, I don’t know any parent who doesn’t think the same, and would hate the thought of their assets going outside the family.

Can your dad sell the house without you consent? As your mum had passed away, half of the house should be his and the other half to your brother and yourself. Or her half is now shared between the three of you. I may be wrong but I think is like that isn't it?
Can you seek legal advice, I got the vibes that you and your bother should be now rightly owning something of the house.

I love all the posts defending the Dads decision and calling the OP grabby.

I assume everyone in that camp would be perfectly happy for their own children to be sidelined in favour of a new partner and their children when they die then?

The way parents handle these things have emotions attached as well as pound signs.

The way parents handle these things have emotions attached as well as pound signs.

Absolutely right.

So knowing what your DF was like your DM left everything to him and to her DC...nothing.
Your anger is misplaced.

The house belongs to the dad, not the children. It’s his.

If he's that bad then I'm surprised that your mother didn't leave a will outlining her wishes.

If she didn't then it's unfortunate but that's the way it is.

It’s quite possible she didn’t have any sole assets. If the house was owned as joint tenants and bank accounts were joint, she couldn’t have left anything as these assets automatically go to the surviving owner on death ( sort of a “last man standing principle).

You obviously loathe your abusive father and you are probably entitled to if he's as nasty as you say. But you still feel entitled to his money when he dies? It might be better for your mental health to cut ties with him altogether and not expect to inherit his money.

I’m all for people moving on but I don’t know many women who would jump into a relationship with a bloke whose wife had literally just died. She sounds like she might be on the vulnerable side.

He's comfortably off with a large house, it's also classic golddigger behaviour.

My parents knew a woman who did just that; he wanted a nurse with a purse, as they say. She looked after him in his very old age, he called her bluff and left her SFA in his will.

Or, she was completely controlled, financially.

It was a different midset, that generation.

His house, his money. Let do with it as he pleases.

Inheritance is a benefit, not an entitlement.

Sad to lose family home, but nothing lasts forever. Your home was once someone else's home.

When he buys the house they need their conveyancer to register it with land registry as tenants in common in unequal shares. They will need a deed of trust to do this. So, if your father is contributing two thirds and the new partner one third, this is reflected in the deed of trust.

In their wills they will need to specify who inherits their share of the house. If they are allowing the other party to live there after their death they need to specify that the remaining partner is responsible for upkeep of the property to a good standard. Some wills also say that if the remaining partner marries again, or starts living with someone, then the property is sold at this point.

I feel for you OP. My family had a similar ish situation. If you would have told me that my relative would have met another woman very soon after the death of his wife & proceed to eradicate her memory/existence I would have never have believed you & I'm a bit of a pessimist! Ladies please, please, please write a will that protects your children/family/friends. I most certainly have. Wishing you all the best x