Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

hes not dead yet! That’s not your money…..

you don’t get inheritance till it’s given to you after death.

I found this out the hard way when something very similar happened to me. It’s not worth fighting for. It’s only money.

mid rsther my father use it whilst he’s alive than him being dead. Regardless of his new wife

have a heart, yeah? So many people don’t get round to it though. Have you made provisions for your children?

Morally He needs to be offering you both whatever he is putting into the new property, for example if he is putting in 50% of the money for 50% of the house then he should morally give you guys a 25% share each :( but some people just don't get it. So glad i will never get inheritance

No that’s incorrect. If the parents were joint tenants then the house is already owned by the living partner, so is NOT included. Anything after that is including the intestate.

If they make mirror wills to do this then on the first death a trust would need to be set up for either set of siblings to 'own' their parent's % of the house until the remaining person sells up or dies.

My advice to anyone with any sole assets is at leave those to your dc when you die if you want to be sure they get anything. Yes they may have to pay the inheritance tax but 60% of something is better than 100% of nothing. I don’t think Dh would deliberately disinherit the dc but I do know he’s bad at admin and sometimes that’s enough. Grief does funny things to people. I already told Dh to do that in case he dies and I marry some tinder swindler when I’m not quite myself.

I'm not sure what I'd advise here. It's your dad, he can do what he likes with the family home really but it's hurtful to you and your sibling/s especially as he was abusive when you were younger.

Have you seen your mother's will? If it was that her worldly goods are passed to your father on the understanding that he then passes them on to you after his death, then you may have a case for getting a legal document created to enforce her wishes.

Bear in mind he doesn't have to leave you anything, so the guarantee would only be her half of the house split between you, not his too. So 1/4 of the new house may be a better deal.

But also bear in mind, inheritance absolutely cannot be guaranteed. So many people live well into their nineties or beyond these days, and even wealthy people have all their savings and property value eaten up by care home fees.

Just make your own wealth, as much as is possible. Far harder for our generation than theirs, but if you never assume inheritance, or plan for life to change because of it, if you assume it won't happen, then you have more control emotionally and practically, over your future.

Yes I think there are two separate issues here:

1. the hurt you feel, which you are totally entitled to feel. Only you know your dad and the kind of person he is, so if you say he's doing this out of spite or carelessness, who are we to disbelieve you. If he's as bad as you say, you may want to consider exploring your own feelings about the relationship, perhaps through some kind of therapy, so you're not carrying this -very heavy,hot and prickly- emotional burden around with you

2. The money, which sadly you are not entitled to at all. It's not your mum's money. It's not yours, or your DCs'. It's his, and he's entitled to do whatever the hell he likes with it. Even if he wants to spend it on a collection of gold-plated nose hair pluckers, a private zoo or a new wardrobe as a cabaret artist that's entirely up to him - no-one else.

It may be easier to just write the money off in your mind - you can't change anything, and you don't know what the future will bring. Focus instead on healing yourself emotionally from the damage that was caused in your childhood.

@cambridgecoral

The absolute problem is that your DF can write a will today leaving assets in any way he may wish and then - without any restriction - change his will tomorrow

Just a thought, OP, but have they both got fabulous gold-plated pensions? Are they buying a bijou little house in Zone 2 in London, or a big house with a big garden elsewhere? I'm thinking of the council tax, the cost of heating and maintaining it, the cost of a gardener every week and so on. You have to be pretty well off to be able to keep a place like that up later in life.

Ignore the 'you're being grabby' people. I don't know whether it's jealousy, or if they all earn so much money that an inheritance wouldn't make any difference — or perhaps as a PP says, they're sticking to the 'you can't expect anything' mantra because they're trying to remind themselves not to get too dependent on their own chances of inheritance.

you are assuming a guaranteed right to inheritance. Writing wills that include trusts that protect children's inheritance can cause significant issues for the surviving spouse. My partner died when I was 46 and we talked about trusts but decided against it as it would have caused problems around me selling the house etc and I needed flexibility as the kids are still young. If I enter a new relationship, then that is when I will consider trusts.

Yes- this is v true- there are no catch all solutions . However I still think some people with v large estates are too hung up on “ the tax man won’t get a penny of my estate” rather than thinking about their dc, possibly as they can’t imagine their spouse moving on or that they’ll die youngish. I can see why it’s tempting to avoid IHT but I think it’s really important to understand that the only inheritance your dc are guaranteed to get is what you personally leave them.

After that it all gets a bit Shawshank Redemption - “warden, do you trust your wife?”

Op I understand -?we had similar - my df died - step mym sold family home , got rid of all of the family photos, sentimental items . Went to live with another man .
i know people have said inheritance isnt a given - but as money can be closely tied to emotions amd a sense of care - it can really hurt .

Very sad but nothing you can do. At least he is saying he'll ring-fence something for you. My dad will leave us nothing and it will all go to his much younger latest wife (has had a few!) Who will also benefit from a spousal pension. At least we won't have to deal with his elder years I guess.

OP so you may get 1/4 of a million pound house instead of 1/2 of a 666k house. TBH it’s not great but think of it as he’s now got someone who can care for from as he gets older.

Definitely encourage him to do tenants in common, this should safeguard his half of the property. He really needs to seek legal advice before making the move.
I’d try to come from an advisory angle rather than all guns blazing.
I totally understand your point of view as I’d be absolutely gutted if anyone other than my children inherited all that I’ve worked for.

Can't give you any good news I'm afraid OP. My 'D'F cheated on my DM with her best friend left my DM after 30 years of marriage, married 'friend'. He died before her and left her everything to her with the proviso that any money left in the estate after her death should be split between her children and his. There'll be nothing left by the time she's dead - she's spending every penny she can - and it's pretty galling to watch my families' money being spent by the cheating bitch that split my family in two. Expect nothing OP - it's a very shit situation.

Didn't your DM get at least 50:50 after 30 years?

oh @cambridgecoral I feel for you so much. For people saying

It is his money to do with as he wishes, even if you think that's unfair.

it's not though is it morally - half of what he has was OP's mother's money and she would not want her children not taken care of.

no real advice @cambridgecoral other than encouraging him/ensuring he takes legal advice if he intends to provide for you and that both wills make provision for you in a way that means if he dies first that the wife cannot cut you out. ulimately though it is legally his money so he can do what he wants with it even though cuting you out if it wasn't your mothers hope or expectation is pretty vile treatement of his children.

in other words him leaving everything to her on the promise she will divide it between you all is worthless, you need to be given a legal interest in whatever the assets are - eg. the house - on his death if he dies first. Put it this way, if he dies first, same thing could happen to her - she quickly meets a new partner and buys a new house with him - what happens then? I would encourage him to think about what has happened with him and that if he wishes to protect you to be open minded without judgment about the future, just accept unforeseen things happen and if he really wants you to inherit his will will need to address what he wants in a way that means his wife can't just sack you off if she chooses to for whatever reasons.

this is a shit situation. sorry for the loss of your mother.

Yes belonged.

@tutttutt He waited until my DM's parent's had both died so he could take half of my DM's inheritance with him. He was a right tight git and it's clear now after his death he'd been squirrelling money and hiding it without my DM's knowledge. She did get 50:50 of the money she knew about but it killed her to share 50% of her parent's money to him after what he'd done.

They are both selling and buying a house together ?
I am assuming that they haven't sold their properties yet ?
They are buying a £1m home ?
How close is this to happening ?
He can't write his will until this happened ?
Why don't you wait and see whether the sales actually take place first ?
He sounds like he is winding you up - saying what he plans to do - hasn't actually done it yet ?
What if one of house sales falls through- or she leaves him ?

It is of course your dads money to now do whatever he pleases with. However a sensible approach on his behalf would be to buy the property on a tennants in common basis in the percentage share that he invests and that of his new partner. So say 2/3 him and 1/3 her. Each own their share individually and it doesn't pass tot he surivor on death unlike a joint tennancy arrangeemnt (the standard way people own property) they can then independently Will their share to whom they please. In this scenario you would ususally put a Trust provision in the Will so that the remaining person can live in the property for the rest of their life before then going on to the ultimate benefaries. However as they are not married it does create a potential Inheritance tax issue for the remaining person in the peroperty, as the value of the share of the house they have been living in gets added to their estate for IHT purposes even though the ultimate beneficary is someone else. Your dad really ought to seek specialist advise, it is a complex area. You however have no rights to anything, it is his money.

The problem is that you see this as money in the bank. And now you feel like someone is taking some of your money.

But it’s not your money.

it’s your father‘s money. he can choose to do whatever he pleases with it.