Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

Thank you, you saved me a long posts

I get tired of telling people that it is the Testator's money, his/her life, they decide if to leave it to the dogs, or the cat rhey saw down the road.
We never wanted anything off our parents. - mum died in her late 40's - Dad remarried - they been married about 18 years when dad died the new wife/step mum is a year younger than me did not have a penny to her name until she met dad.

Dad wanted us to have something as he oftend talked about it even though we did not but glad we did as we all said we want nothing as he had a new family, ie 4 children or half siblings - dad verbally promised his mercedes to a brother of mine but it stayed in step mums garage for about 4 years and then they sold it - we ll felt, you are greedy but its was dad that married you so not your fault.

Actually, neither of you are correct. It's more complex than that.
If married, then it passes to spouse. If not married, then it gets more complicated as you cannot just turf someone out of a house to retrieve inheritance, particularly if a shared house.

It is common for a will to give the assets to the spouse or partner and for them to hold the money on trust to be divided between x, y and z upon their death (usually the named grandchildren). If the OPs dad is planning on leaving his share to his kids, presumably he intends to set up a trust in his will.

They are not going to "drive anybody to an early grave though" 😂

It's not a laughing matter, as you would know if you'd ever met one. I'm not going to continue this exchange, as there's no point. Your experience is too limited: think yourself lucky.

This.

My parents are fortunately still alive but if one died and the other met someone else and bought a house together there is not a chance I'd stick my neb in and fret about what I was entitled to.

You're wrong. Completely and utterly wrong.

It is always so obvious to me when people on here have never had the misfortune to encounter a true narcissist. They are damaged people and often have very sad and traumatic stories BUT they are unbelievably dangerous to the people around them. At very best, they emotionally destroy the people around them; at worst they have full antisocial personality disorder traits.

I hear you ❤️

@wallowinginmywellies - your laughing emoji is incredibly offensive. We don't know the circumstances of op's mum's death. She could have committed suicide as a result of living in a toxic relationship. She could have resorted to alcohol or drugs to help her deal with the relationship and these could have caused her death. She could have been under unbelievable stress and anxiety which triggered other illnesses. We don't know - so back off with your pathetic little emoji.

Agree. I should have mentioned this is for those who own as tenants in common.
Not joint

My mum left everything to him. ☹️🥺

What I’m saying is - it doesn’t matter if they’re married or not married - if the property is jointly owned (not tenants in common) it goes 100% to the partner - be that the spouse or unmarried partner. The will is irrelevant as the house will not be part of the estate.

Its. Not. Your. Money.

Keep your eyes to yourself and your grabby hands in your pocket. He wants to enjoy a big house while he’s alive and all you’re thinking about is wanting money when he’s dead.

The title of this post is wrong, and shows the entitlement of the OP. Your dad is not selling the “family home” his selling his home in order to move on.

You obviously disapprove of your dad having a life after your mum, but he is allowed to have a new relationship. How he words his new will is none of your business.

So basically you’re not in OP’s situation, never have been, and all your thoughts on this are entirely theoretical.

I understand your frustrations but if your mom specifically left things to your father, then she made the explicit choice to entitle him to do as he wants.

You might not like that or perceive it as a further injustice or not a "genuinely free" choice by your mother, but that is not, of course, how the law works or how it could be made to function well.

So no, it is not your money. Your mom could have made it yours, but she didn't. And from your posts it's pretty clear you're better off not rehashing old or new hurts with your dad, who on this at least has good cause to believe he is in the right.

It’s the kind of people who talk like this who are the grabby ones ime. Who would even think like this if they weren’t?

So how should her mother have “made it hers”? What’s your cunning plan for her will?

I don’t know how close you are with your Dad OP or whether he will listen to you, but you could encourage him to at least set up ownership with his new partner as tenants in common so that his share will pass according to his will. I know it’s not the same as what you were expecting, but at least you’d know for sure you’d get something. Otherwise there is a real risk you’ll get nothing and the partner will get it all.

I don’t think you’re grabby at all OP. I would 100% want my own children to be provided for upon my death, surely this is normal. I would definitely not want a new partner got all my money rather than my own flesh and blood. Always my children first.

My will, for example, is drafted is such a way that my inheritance is split half to the husband in full property, half to our kids. He has certain rights like continuing to live in the house for X period but not to sell it and so on. (Obviously I didn't draw up the legal clauses myself, it's long and detailed and complicated.) There were some ways we had to do it to get "around" legal protections of the family home - like the kids get more life insurance payout, which isn't subject to the same protections etc.

Anyway, my point isn't that it would have been emotionally easy for the mum if she was in a domineering relationship.

My point is you cannot expect the law, or society, or strangers, to go on the sentiments of grieving family members who would like money and project motives onto the deceased, when the deceased in her actions did something else.

'So basically you’re not in OP’s situation, never have been, and all your thoughts on this are entirely theoretical.'

Ah so we have to have a sadly deceased dm, a df in another relationship before we can commenf? Who knew.

It isn't a theory that I have parents, it is a fact. And it isn't a theory that I do not have any right to their money. If I am left some, lovely. If I'm not then that is fine too.

@cambridgecoral in that case, I'm afraid that you can't do anything. As much as the situation frustrate you he is in his right of do whatever he wants.

Janiie · Today 20:14

'So basically you’re not in OP’s situation, never have been, and all your thoughts on this are entirely theoretical.'

Ah so we have to have a sadly deceased dm, a df in another relationship before we can commenf? Who knew.

It isn't a theory that I have parents, it is a fact. And it isn't a theory that I do not have any right to their money. If I am left some, lovely. If I'm not then that is fine too.

Protest as much as you like, but I will put be willing to bet that, should one of your parents pass away, and the other move a new partner in, and your parents' joint home etc pass to the children of the new partner, you'd feel pretty sore about it too!

I would literally turn in my grave if I died first, DH moved someone else into the home I've made for 25+ years, and deprived my children of any inheritance! So spare me the shit that it's his to do as he likes with!

I would draw a line under it. It was your mum's decision to leave everything to your dad and not you. Its his money and not yours, he could blow it all on gambling and fast cars unfortunately.

I just wouldn't expect anything and concentrate on your own family

I suspect there is unspoken jealousy of people who will get a decent inheritance that is informing some of the 'grabby' accusations.

It is very unfair though. I get it.