Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

It's his money while he is alive and he can do what he wants with it . He doesn't need to consider you at all. I'm amazed your first thought is about your inheritance .

It's a bonus not a right !

If he and his partner buy their new house as joint tenants the property will pass to her regardless of any will if he dies first.

The only way he’d be able to ‘protect your inheritance’ is if he got a mortgage that was Joint Tenants in Common and then did a will that left his half to you and your brother in a trust.

My mom recently severed the joint tenancy and converted it to joint tenants in common and then did the trust in her will so that she could guarantee her half of the family home would go to me and my brother, so that my dads 3 children from his previous marriage couldn’t have any claim on it.

Your Mum left everything to your dad so it is all his to do with as he pleases. He says your interests are being protected but there are alot better ways of protecting the interests of your brother and you than leaving you a quarter share of a house jointly with two people you hardly know. Believe me I know all about the problems associated with shared ownership of property after someone dies. Unfortunately for you though there is nothing you can do. Live your life as though you will get no inheritance at all and if you do at some point get quarter of a million then it will be a bonus.

Sorry for the loss of your mum.
i completely understand where you’re coming from, this is so unfair.
My dad died and my mum sold the family home and has frittered all the money away.
Everything he worked so hard for, in order to leave his children a legacy is just gone.
I don’t think there’s much you can do other than hope his new partner is a reasonable person.

Say goodbye to the lot now if that's the case he's only dangling the carrot. Prepare yourself for nothing and if you ever get anything it's a bonus.
Sounds horrible but more fool your mother for putting up with him if he drove her to an early grave.
Personally I wouldn't want his money if he had been that bad and if your mum didn't specify in her will that her share should go to you knowing what your father was like she has let you down too. Sorry to sound harsh but it's the 21st century and none of this had to be left like this.

My mum died before my dad.
It didn't enter my head that dad was spending "my inheritance" because it wasn't mine, it was his. That's who inherited it.
As has been said many times you don't inherit a penny until someone who has passed away has left it to you.

It's dad's house, he can do what he wants, and you are so self centred.
If I had a daughter acting like you, I'd leave the full half to your brother.

I don’t have any advice but just to say how I empathise with you. My mother died several years ago and my father a few weeks ago. He has changed their Will and left their house to my brother rather than splitting the estate equally between the 3 of us as my mother had wished.

And yes I know I shouldn’t have ‘expected’ anything at all, but it has been hugely upsetting, not just the loss of money, but because it feels as though he didn’t care about me. And lots of lies from my brother who had known about the changes, which has been doubly upsetting. My sister and I had done a lot of ‘free’ care for my father over the years, and this has been ignored completely. And yes, I also know that we don’t give care dependent upon an inheritance, but our input should not have been ignored.

Sadly my father has been as manipulative in death as he was in life, and actually somewhat misogynistic. Lots of emotion around and I can understand how families split up on the death of one or both their parents. I also hope that you get what you have been promised, but …… !

I feel for you, it’s very, very upsetting.

After handling the probate process for my father in law’s estate recently, I actually said to my husband we spend every penny of our estate before we die. We’ll help our kids buy a property but they will get nothing further upon our deaths. Inheritance breaks apart families. The entitlement of those left behind never fails to amaze me.

So it's all about money with you?

Probably already been said, but...

When the OP's father and girlfriend buy this new house together, it should be stipulated in the deeds how much they are each contributing, and then in their wills it should state that their individual children should get whatever proportion of their holding in the property is upon their passing, ie, the house should be sold as soon as either one of them dies, or the remaining owner would need to buy out the other's beneficiaries. .
So, let's say the gf contributes 20% and the OP's father contributed the remaining 80%, upon the death of, let's say the gf, either the OP's father would need to find 20% of the property value to provide the inheritance to her children, or sell the property to provide it. In the case of the OP's father passing, the gf would need to find 80%.
If, in the event of either/both ending up in a care home, this becomes a bit more difficult, but I believe that the%age shares of the property would be taken into account, depending on which person needed the care, but then, upon the death of either of them, whatever funds were left, should be split in the same way.

This is all very technical, but can be done if tackled correctly at the time the joint property is purchased.

Yes, he can put whatever he likes in his will, it would be unusual for you to have any inheritance rights unless he habitually supported one of you for some reason. And yes, assuming the marriage lasts, at least he will have help in his old age.
I know of one case where the second marriage ended in divorce and the second wife took a very hefty chunk of the proceeds, even though she brought virtually nothing in and they were not married long. Care costs swallowed up the husband's capital.

In this case, if it were my family (and I could imagine this happening) I would expect my brother to share it.

I think it would be difficult to maintain a relationship otherwise

*could NOT

You're not entitled to any inheritance.
Harsh, but true, sorry.

I would personally be glad to see the back of a 'dad' who was looking for a replacement before your mum was even cold.

Life is unpredictable and there is no real way of being sure anyone will inherit anything. People change their minds. People die before the person they were expecting to leave them stuff. I understand it hurts, as things like this have happened within my family.
if you want to have clarity, you CouId make an appointment with a solicitor and then put it out of your mind.

I've no advice OP really, but currently going through the death of a loved one and their grabby almost estranged son who barely took anything to do with them, didn't do any of their elderly care etc demanded to see how much money they left etc the day after they died while the family who cared for this person are grieving, planning a funeral and trying to clear a house! Honestly grabbyness and entitledness is not classy. I know you probably feel that what your mum worked hard for to buy the family home is half yours, but unless she left a will stipulating what happens after her death to your inheritance then it seems like its your dad's decision. Your dad's new partner (or wife?) May actually love your dad even with the narcissism so don't go in their all guns blazing if he dies first. Be grateful for that quarter!!

Your "entitlement" to your father's money is really annoying. Its his to do with as he pleases.

I'd understand if it was a situation where the new women may have been taken advantage of him and trying to squeeze him for every penny, and you wanting to protect your father but that doesn't seem to be the case.

If there is a will, and he states when he passes that his share of the house is to be left to you two siblins then it'll be left to you, she will either have to sell the house or buy you out. But the sane goes for if she passes. You father would either have to sell the house or buy her 2 children out of their half. So in the end you may be left with nothing anyways.

It's not the easiest question to ask but did your mum and dad have a shared will, would it be possible for you to see it? I ask because the will I have with my husband protects my son from a previous marriage and our daughter (if either he or I were to survive the other and meet someone new).

I am sympathetic. A lot of people don't understand. I lost my mum recently and have been very cautious managing her estate. She worked hard for it and I know she would want it handled properly. There is an emotional connection.

I have read all your posts OP and sorry to say that as all has been left to your father and it is therefore his to do as he chooses legally. However if you think he will listen I would seek legal advice yourself and then with gentle gloves make recommendations to him. I think it likely he will need to put his percentage into trust, so if he passes first his share can not be spent, left to anyone else or be spent on his new partners care etc. But a solicitor can better advise.

However if he is the narcissist you say he is he won't appreciate being dictated to. I suggest you seek the advice yourself and deliver it as if your protecting his wishes.

However given your description of him...is it worth selling your soul for this inheritance? My father is not a good father. I told him so without malice and left it at that. There's been no contact since pre-covid. I don't miss it. The money he can leave to who ever. No amount of money is worth pretending for 👍

Wishing you luck lovely. Sorry for your loss ❤️

The way you talk about your dad... what makes you think you should inherit anything at all from someone you so clearly dislike?

My dad did the same thing after my mum passed. Sold the house and put his new gf name on the deed of the house. My brother spent all day at the lawyers with him to make sure my dad was secure financially but my dad ignored everything that the lawyer said. I was really upset because this woman is benefitting from something my mum worked hard to have and nothing will be passed on to my siblings like my mum wanted. My mum and dad had a will for years that everything would be split in 4 so we would each get a inheritance.

I think the worse thing is that he did not get us to meet her before he did this.

So in my view your father’s money is his in the first instance to do what he wants with. Personally I would make sure I saved to give my DCs a deposit, but I certainly would not be giving them half a house which my DH might need for care or other costs on my death. Even where I have had friends leave half a house on the first spouse’s death, this is done on a trust basis whereby it can be used while the other partner is alive for housing purposes. I think your expectation is unrealistic.