Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

Passive?

I just don't assume that I'm automatically get someone else's money. Even if her Dad doesn't buy a house with this woman, there's a good chance most of it will go on care home fees etc. OP may even end up with more money if her Dad saves cash by living with someone else.

At the end of the day it's not OPs money, it never was.

We are not entitled to an inheritance, if we are lucky we are left money in a will. Never expect it or count on it.

The flip side of this is I want my money to go to the persons I designate on my death. This is money I worked for and saved up as a cushion to pass on to my dcs. No way would I want my dh to give my hard earned cash to his new partner over my own dcs. Much as I would want to safeguard my dh if I go first, I'd hedge my bets to make sure dcs get a decent chunk of it when I go.

My dcs may have no expectation nor count on it but as a testator I will damn well make sure they get some of it.

And how would you know?

common then! how do you "drive someone into an early grave" outside of a contemporary Victorian drama?

Happy for her dad? Did you miss the bit where she said he started dating before her mother was even buried?

It was a her mum’s money that’s the point. And her mum wouldn’t have wanted it to go to strangers.

If he wants to protect their inheritance as he’s said then that is how it is typically done.

I’m not saying he doesn’t have free will.

I understand. As a mum I’d this to hapoen if I died.

It was her parent's money and the df is still planning on leaving her some if it doesn't all go on care homes costs. That's as good as it gets I'm afraid.

Yes, this can be done.

Her Mum wanted it to go to her husband. If she didn't she'd have put something in place to ensure that.

Now it's Dads money, for him to do with as he wishes.

The only person in this story who's money it definitely isn't is OP

Personally if my Dad was this big of a bastard I wouldn’t want his money. Strange you hate him so but are happy to spend his money.

What are your chances of going into a care home. I have two parents who needed to move into one but realistically how many % wise?

This happens all the time, my dad died very young and unexpectedly and left everything to his new wife, who then left everything to my half sister, it is what it is. You can get to wound up about it, what is the point. My mum is estranged with an abuser and they are leaving it all to my other half brother, so it’s happened twice to me but in the next breath I would never expect anything as Care is such a huge factor now too. Think you have to see inheritance as a nice surprise rather than being expected or relied upon. Money won’t heal your past wounds anyway, only you can do that.

That’s really helpful as I needed that explaining to me. Half was her mother’s hard-earned money that she would not have wanted to go to a family of strangers.

Did you or might you inherit money from your parents?

To repeat. Her mum made the same mistake that many women do. Thinking that their hard-earned money would go to their kids via DH.

It’s difficult to make provision in wills to leave money to kids without disadvantaging the spouse, as presumably you’re aware.

So, what would happen if his gf died first and then your Dad spent all the money on care for himself? What about her two children? Would that also not be unfair? Honestly, unless he owned a castle worth millions and she owned a tiny studio flat somewhere and was clearly after his money, then it's really not a massive problem, surely?

Men often move on very quickly, particularly if their wife had been unwell for a while. Some men just can't cope on their own. I've known devoted husbands of many years who were devastated by the loss of their wife start dating weeks later because they couldn't cope with the burden of grief on their own.

Honestly, you're coming across as a bit bitter and entitled here. At least, if your dad has company, there is less responsibility upon your shoulders? If he was on his own and struggling with loneliness, you would end up having to spend much more time with him. Are you really prepared to do that?

I'm sorry OP, that all sounds awful and unfair to you. It's deeper than money.

Your dad might be using his will to manipulate you, so be mindful of getting into too much dialogue with him on it. But I would suggest he makes a trust for the portion he wants to leave for you and your brother that holds that percentage for you. Otherwise it might all be absorbed by care fees for his wife.

The other possibility which happened to someone I know: the husband and second wife agreed to leave everything to each other and for the survivor to split everything between their children. The husband died first. The wife secretly changed her will to leave everything to her own children, excluding the step children.

The father was extremely rich from inherited wealth. Now the step children are as well- the biological children received nothing.

This is incorrect. It doesn’t matter what his will says, on death the jointly owned property will always pass 100% to the joint owner (if not tenants in common). And then his partner is free to do what she likes with it, more than likely pass to her own children and not OP.

Actually, you might want to get your Dad and his gf to run their plans by a financial advisor though. If a property is worth a certain amount, there are hefty inheritance tax repercussions. That said, it's not all about money. They will clearly benefit from each others company and shared expenses.

Reasonable expectations....is not an how dare they make themselves happy while wasting my inheritance which is how so many of these posts sound. .....then you get a drip

Men like your father honestly are absolute dog turds in my opinion OP. No comfort to you I know but I've met a couple over the years and find it hard to feel any warmth for them. They so very obviously think with their dicks, forgetting their own children in the process.

The sad thing is I can see my father doing exactly the same if my mother dies before him. He's an emotionally immature man who will either drink himself to death or fall for someone 30 years younger.

Always struggle with people talking about Inheritance when the person is still very much alive! It’s not yours until that person passes and even then depending on what they have stated in their will it may never be yours anyway. He can do what he wants with his money, this may have been money that your mom also worked hard for and has become his but either way it’s now HIS. If my children are ever like this about inheritance whilst I’m still alive I will be spending as much as I can and what’s left will go to a charity that’s if it doesn’t all go on care fees first 🤷🏼‍♀️😬

@cambridgecoral feel like I could of written this post, some dads are just shits,
So very sorry for the loss of your mum and the disrespect your father has shown in her passing. X

Have you never met & interacted with a true narcissist, or even read about them? They're a race apart & toxic to the lives of everyone around them.