Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

To answer your question @cambridgecoral , the law as I understand it says your dad can write a will and leave his estate as he chooses. If he doesn't the state allocates it as follows:
Spouse- first £250,000 and 50% of rest of estate
Children - the other 50% equally between them excluding personal belongings

If he writes a will and leaves her his estate outright to do as she pleases she does not have to pass any of it on to you.

If he writes that she can live in the house until her death but his 50% is then to be divided between you and your brother, that is what will happen.

He appears to be saying although she has contributed 33% of the value of the house they have bought it as equal partners. Not much you can do about that. But you will still get at least £500,000 between you and your brother based on what you said and possibly more if the house increases in value and none is spent on his care .

It isn't a reasonable expectation because the money from that home could be spent long before death. On cruises or care homes. It is not up to the children.

There's clearly issues. Unfortunately unless your mum had a will and put her half into trust for you upon your father's death or remarriage or the selling of the house then there is nothing you can do. If it was owned in joint names then it is now his and he can do whatever he wants with it. I can understand why a widow may want to move house.

Good point - he will probably spend it all on care home fees OP

Ask your dad if he and his wife will agree to own the house as tenants in common with a 2:1 (dad:wife) split and then he writes a will with an eventual division of his share of the house between you and your sibling. If he doesn’t agree, let it go. Although upsetting, it’s his estate to do with what he wants.

Sometimes when abusive people die they don’t leave money to family as a last ‘fuck you’.
I would want the money because they didn’t want me to have it, even if it was £100 - even more so if I was a child of parents that had treated me badly their whole lives.

Are you leaving your children an inheritance?

OP, are you able to clarify roughly where you reside? I'm asking because Scots law differs from English law.

Under Scots law, no matter what is in the will, children are entitled to one of third of the moveable estate divided among them (so no entitlement to the house) but there are very specific rules when someone dies intestate.

SiliconHeaven · Today 17:34

It isn't a reasonable expectation because the money from that home could be spent long before death. On cruises or care homes. It is not up to the children.

It's a reasonable expectation that children in normal circumstances will inherit whatever is left at the point of death surely? The home would have to have been sold to realise the capital but wouldn't the parents have to live somewhere?

I can’t believe anyone would give you a hard time on this, because they would probably feel exactly like you.
I would HATE for my son not to get everything I wanted him to have, because another woman and her kids would get it. I understand your mother could have done something about this, but being married to a narc abuser, she was probably worn down!
So sorry OP, shit situation

I get the no right to an inheritance.

Now we are older we will be changing our wills to reflect remarriage, though men irritate me so I feel it’s unlikely for me. It was prompted by my widowed sister and her remarriage. They have moved in to her home , he has sold his house and has given his children their inheritance early. So any care home fees will be coming out of my sisters house if either need care for last spouse standing. I do not have the words for this arrangement and the unfairness to my nieces.

There is no way I want my hard earned cash going to a new wife or her children I worked for 35 years and have a decent estate in my own right, that is for my DS and him alone.

Men can become Fathers at advanced ages as well, there is zero chance of me having more kids.

THIS!

A lot of PPs don’t understand how bloody hurtful it is to be in our position, OP.

It has made me think a lot about how best to secure the future for my own DC. I’m very grateful for my own family and my home.

Totally agree.

With people living longer and more dying with dementia, an elderly parent is ripe for financial abuse by a carer, new romantic partner or even sibling/relative. It is unfortunately not an uncommon thing. Happened in my family too and seen it happen with friends where the parents have built up assets over the years, particularly in property. This is particularly so where the children are not living close to their elderly parents or even overseas. Parents are sitting ducks for scammers especially when their faculties start to go.

I would think long and hard about giving all of my wealth to my dh on my death. I plan to reduce it through lifetime gifts to dcs in equal shares, sever tenancies-in-common and pass at least half my estate to my dcs in my will in case I go first.

Assuming tenants in common she could have left her share to the kids with a lifetime interest trust for him to live in it until he dies or chooses to move

They’ve got to buy it as tenants in common in unequal proportions and then he’s got to update his will to leave her a life interest to live in it if she wishes but if she sells and when she dies then his proportion passes to your side of the family outright.

Did your mum not leave a will?

They haven’t got to do anything. 🤷‍♀️

Jesus, I really do despair at men like this. & people saying you should be happy for him… ha. Yes thrilled that his replaced her much loved mother within minutes, she’d have to be a fucking robot to not have some uncomfortable feelings about that!! Also the house was 1/2 her mothers, so yes it looks like this new women’s kids will potentially inherit some of her mothers money… lovely. I’d fuck him right off op, morally… his a twat.

You realise that none of this belongs to you. It's your Dad's money, to do what he wants with it, you have absolutely no claim over it. Keep thinking of it as yours and you're likely to lose your relationship with your Dad, and you're even less likely to get any of your precious inheritance then.

If your father dies first, what guarantee do you have she won’t change her will and leave everything to her own children? My father did the same to my brother and I, only the whole lot will go to his new parters brothers (she doesn’t have children). He has cut out his children completely, apart from a small sum he has to leave us when he dies due to Scottish law. It’s hard op, but there’s little you can do about it I’m afraid.

I am coming from this from a different perspective to most on here as I'm a relatively young widow.

First, I'm very glad my husband left me everything (although it wasn't that much!) and didn't stipulate what I do with it, I've got a lot of living left to do, unfortunately without him, so that might involve remortgaging, buying another property, moving abroad, all kinds of things. I don't want a life interest in my own home thanks, I want to own it so I can then decide what to do with it.

Second, to me, if someone is a wife for a goodly long while, then they deserve to gain from the benefits of living together, so I would be happy for my parents houses to go to their respective second partners. My dad's wife has had 20 years of him, and I won't be doing any caring in later life so that's a bargain if you ask me although he has made a will to divide the estate, which I have advised him against (I think she deserves a whole property and preferably a decade or two of freedom).

This is probably easy for me to say as I am not dependant on a parents inheritance to have a roof over my head, I could get somewhere fancier and bigger if I did, but I'm secure where I am and so if you are not, I can understand that feeling of being cheated.

In this situation though, it's clear your dad is thinking of you, he's giving 50% of the house, when he doesn't have to or isn't obliged to give any of it, so whilst you might be peeved it's 2/3rds, I think for them, going in as equals and investing in the property as equals in the future is quite sensible, especially if they have a decade or two or even more to live.

@Bobbotgegrinch Would you not feel wounded in OP’s circumstances? Are you always so passive in general?

This.

It might not be fair but life isn't.

We are not entitled to an inheritance, if we are lucky we are left money in a will. Never expect it or count on it.

I’d fuck him right off op, morally… his a twat.

He so is a twat. Your mother's money is not his to give to his girlfriend. Your mother would never agree to this over her own dcs. He knows this. He is a twat and a thief.

No point mincing words.

OP, I totally get how you feel. Your DM put up with him and then pre deceased him, and you don’t know where his assets, which he built up with your mother, are going to end up. The only possible silver lining is you won’t have to be his carer. As a PP has said, if you are in Scotland you cannot be disinherited by a parent, but realistically you are probably in England or wales.