Recently widowed dad selling family home

[cambridgecoral]

My mum died in February last year. After starting dating before her funeral had even taken place, my dad almost immediately got himself a replacement servant from the OurTime dating website.

He is selling our family home, she is selling her little house, and they're going to buy a million pound house together.

He says he will put in his will that me and my brother are entitled to a quarter of the house upon the second death - the other two quarters being owned by her two grown up children.

He says he's 'protecting our inheritance' by putting it into property.
Is this true?
As far as I see it, my brother and I have gone from half each in the family home, to potentially a quarter in a house that half belongs his new girlfriend, who'll probably sell it to pay for her care costs in the end if dad dies before her.

How is this protecting our inheritance?
Does anyone know anything about the law on this?
I feel totally betrayed. I have a young son who now has no grandma, and she'd be devastated to know that everything she worked for was essentially being given to a family of near-strangers and not protected for her children and grandchild.

Feeling hopeless and hurt.

Exactly. Not sure why @Mirabai is refusing to acknowledge this. It's not that hard to understand.

@Isitovernow123, thank for the clarification. In that case unfortunately OP legally can't do anything about it.

Fatal error on the part of your mum but a very common one. Leave everything to the spouse, assuming it will later go to the children. Doesn’t think about remarriage, fallings out etc. etc. A good reminder to leave our half of things to our kids and not to our spouses.

Sadly, such a common error even when abuse is not involved.

It’s a “fatal error” recommended by most solicitors to maximise the inheritance tax allowance. Most married couples have mirror wills.

I would be angry too. Your dad sounds callous frankly. Your family home was half your mum's. Can you raise with him that you should receive 2/3 of the value of the estate?

Because OP clearly says her mother would be devastated to know her hard-earned money would be going to a family of strangers.

OP’s mother made a common mistake. Surely that’s not hard to understand?

I’m wondering what we are all meant to do in this situation. If I die first, then my husband gets the house as he needs to live in it. If I leave it to my kids equally, he’d have to sell. So that doesn’t work does it? Not sure what the op mum could have done better?

You will get really weird answers OP. Something about wills drives people insane in Mumsnet.

Accept that your father is a narcissist. The more you want and need this money the more he will enjoy the power over you.

The only chance you have is to be socially well-connected and have the power to destroy his reputation in life or death. Appeal to his better nature ie his reputation. I know how bonkers that sounds but go and read up on narcissism. Unless people know a narcissist they won't understand.

Newgirls · Today 17:05

I’m wondering what we are all meant to do in this situation. If I die first, then my husband gets the house as he needs to live in it. If I leave it to my kids equally, he’d have to sell. So that doesn’t work does it? Not sure what the op mum could have done better?

You leave your share of the house to your children equally but with the proviso that your husband gets to live out the rest of his life in it. You might need to include a clause related to him potentially selling it or remarrying.

The problem with that of course is that the house will likely need to be sold at some point to downsize or pay for care costs.

So do I. It is a possible welcome bonus but it isn't ever guaranteed.

@cambridgecoral 'He's an abuser and a narcissist who drove my mother into an early grave. I'm concerned about the money as our mental health is so poor from growing up in that environment that a small financial buffer in the future would give us a little bit of security.

He's only 'happier' because he has yet another vulnerable woman running around after him so he won't ever have to learn how to make a bed.'

I've only read this far. I wanted to say that I get where you're coming from because my parents were the same. My mother died far too young after decades of abuse from my N father, & he remarried less than 3 months after her death. I was already NC & I didn't know what was going on; people later told me they were shocked at how happy he'd looked during my mother's funeral.😳🙄

I also understand that feeling of wanting what's rightfully yours, not only because of the difficulties in adult life which are the result of the abuse suffered in childhood, but also (I think) because of that lingering feeling of having been denied what was rightfully ours DURING childhood: a safe, loving, happy family life, the recognition of us as individuals, the care & support we should've been able to rely on.

I think sometimes we hold on to the hope that one day our parent(s) will be the way we always needed them to be, & so each time they show their natural crapulence it causes anguish all over again.

I know now that I'll never get anything from my family. I'm lucky that at the moment I don't need it financially. But it hurts to once again feel different from other people, & to know that the cost of being born into an abusive family is lifelong. I've given up searching for recompense or justice - I know it's not coming. Healing is possible, though, so if you get the chance of it, grab it with both hands.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, and this is clearly a horrible situation, but it isn't your inheritance. It's your dad's money. He can do whatever he likes with it. It won't become your inheritance until he dies. Focus on making yourself as financially secure as possible without relying on that potential payout in the future, then anything you do get will be a bonus.

Mirabai · Today 17:15

adriftinadenofvipers · Today 17:07

Newgirls · Today 17:05

I’m wondering what we are all meant to do in this situation. If I die first, then my husband gets the house as he needs to live in it. If I leave it to my kids equally, he’d have to sell. So that doesn’t work does it? Not sure what the op mum could have done better?

You leave your share of the house to your children equally but with the proviso that your husband gets to live out the rest of his life in it. You might need to include a clause related to him potentially selling it or remarrying.
The problem with that of course is that the house will likely need to be sold at some point to downsize or pay for care costs.

It's always a possibility but plenty of people never need a care home.

Assuming that you no longer live there, it is not the “family home” it is your father’s home.

Janiie · Today 17:17

jannier · Today 16:25

God I hate it when people think they are due an inheritance.
So do I. It is a possible welcome bonus but it isn't ever guaranteed.

I don't see why it's such a big thing to have a reasonable expectation of an inheritance from your parents if they own a home?

@cambridgecoral You have my sympathy. My FIL met his second wife in the hospice that his first was dying in. The pair of them then took off like kids in a sweetshop and spent 2/3 of the family home, two lots of life insurance and his wife's pension in 18 months.
As Robin Williams said "a man has a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time".
Tenants in common will help, but you may have to spend some money to know how to explain matters to your father - he sounds like he couldn't care less.

I think they need to be tenants in common (75% & 25%), rather than joint tenants.
They should get proper legal advice on this before the purchase. I didn't, & subsequently lost out because my 80% & 20% was not recognised.

Reasonable expectation but it is up to parents to have wills with clauses. In the absence of that then sadly it is down to the surviving parent to do as they wish.

I’m in a similar situation OP. It looks like my dad’s soon to be wife and family will end up inheriting the home he moved into after mum died. I’m not being grabby, I’ve got my own lovely home - I’m wondering what my mum would have thought about her three children (my siblings are from mum’s first marriage) not inheriting anything from the home she made and lived in before my dad was even on the scene. In the meantime, mum’s possessions are in the new house and my siblings and I will be devastated if anything happened to these. My dad has already tried selling some of her things as his new partner doesn’t want them. He didn’t think to offer them to mum’s children.

A lot of PPs don’t understand how bloody hurtful it is to be in our position, OP.

It has made me think a lot about how best to secure the future for my own DC. I’m very grateful for my own family and my home.

@BetiYeti I'd be asking for some of my mum's things.

That's a horrible situation x

Most people need to downsize though, and most people care of some sort. If there’re married or remarried the spouse can do the care, but if they stay single they will have to pay for it unless they have nearby children willing.

If you read the thread you will see the difficulties of such clauses.