Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

I tend to think you can have "normal" dislikes or you can have maybe a couple of weird dislikes and after that you get to "sigh, catering is going to be such a pain".

So I would count (for example) offal, shellfish and blue cheese (and maybe actually hot spicy food rather than just flavoursome type spicy food) as "normal" things I would assume people might dislike and not serve up without checking. I could then deal with one or two more things on top (e.g. Mary can't stand coriander) and beyond that it gets really annoying.

However, I used to be a very fussy eater and so I'm generally prepared to cater for most people. People ruling out incredibly common foods (specifically onions) is a pet hate though.

Tricky to move it around when the whole dish is something you can't eat! I think the courtesy would be in the host asking if there are things their guests can't eat or that would simply spoil the meal for them.

In recent years it's become 'fashionable' for life's dedicated attention-seekers to declare that they "just can't!" eat this or that, sometimes for medical reasons but often not - it's a handy bandwagon for the Look-At-Me brigade to jump on.

They are "Special" and boy, do they want the world to know and acknowledge it!

I would be sorely tempted to snap "well you can sit there until you darn well eat it, Picky!"

As a host I’d always ask if there were anything I should avoid but as guests their job is to turn up, eat your delicious food, thank you, praise it and go away again.
It‘s a social contract. They are horribly rude.

If its said at the time that you give the invitation then that's fine but not after you've already bought the ingredients. If I invited people round to dinner (which I rarely do, only one friend at Easter that I know eats everything, and some friends for halloween when I do a buffet so no issues there) I would ask at the same time as inviting them if there's anything they really can't stand to eat as I do emphasise with strong aversions (I can't eat mushrooms, the texture really makes me gag, other food I dislike I can generally force down and I've lost most of my childhood fussiness as an adult due to forcing myself to try foods I didn't like and discovering my tastes had changed)

When I am hosting, I always ask in advance for any likes/dislikes because I want to serve food that people enjoy. I wouldn’t though send an unsolicited list of my likes and dislikes when I am a guest? Allergies, yes, but preferences no. It is awful though to go to a friends house for dinner having not being asked for preferences and to be served something you despise. Prawn cocktail is my nemesis 🤣🤣 Many have been discretely shovelled on to DHs plate because I cannot stand it, but I don’t want to appear rude by not eating it.

I find it rude that people can cook for people without telling them what the menu is. I wouldn’t eat something I didn’t like.

I was at a friends recently and she had cooked a meal ( I didn’t actually know she was cooking) and it contained seafood which I despise and absolutely will never eat. So I politely refused. I think it’s more rude to assume that your guests will like X meal without checking. It’s a waste of everyone’s time

I think it your not going to take the time to check that your guests will like the food then you can’t get upset if they don’t like it

People who have such extreme reactions to being served particular food items such as condiments nearing their use by dates, or soggy lettuce, or rare steak, I should imagine would let their host know beforehand of their ‘intolerances’, or just decline the invite!
Who holds dinner parties these days anyway? Just go to a bloody restaurant!

Rude to send a list of food they don’t like, better to jyst decline invite.

Honestly, this is why we get food in if people are coming over. I’m not cooking for fussy adults.

Well the only point of saying upfront is to save the host the hassle and cost of cooking something they won't eat....so if they have done that too late that's out of order.
I am a fussy eater and would normally never dream of doing this but there are things I simply could not eat if you paid me millions or someone had a gun to my head. So if I was invited and thought my hosts may cook something like that (shellfish for example or rare/raw meat or fish) I would say something at the time of accepting the invite...."thank you so much, sounds lovely but I am a very fussy eater and I don't want to cause you any hassle."

I don’t understand your bit about making your preferences known if you are not the host. Why would the host make their preferences known and to whom would they do that? Makes no sense at ll.

You should have asked your guests if there is anything they don’t eat.

I think this is really rude. I suppose if somebody absolutely cannot stand tomatoes then maybe give a lot of warning in advance. Even so I would think they were being precious unless it was an allergy or intolerance.

And your friend was ok with that? I’d have been very embarrassed!

I have twice been given octopus by our French neighbours.
Tbf they asked us several years ago what we wouldn’t eat, octopus never crossed my mind as an option.
I usually manage to eat half and plead a small appetite, dh who normally eats anything also struggles to eat it.

I am allergic to seafood and would never choose to eat chocolate, though I will if put in front of me. People often do a chocolate dessert as everyone likes it, well I don’t. DH turned up with a tart tatin last night as my valentines gift as he knows me well.

I mean I have an allergy but I think quite a few people are not keen on seafood/fish. I do love fish it’s just seafood I am allergic to. All a bit biblical really by accident :)

I actually always ask if there is something people don’t like. I don’t see the problem.

YABU When I'm hosting I always ask about allergy, preferences or whatever - happy to cater for any of the above because I want my guests to relax and enjoy their food - not eat it to be polite.
If I forgot to ask, I'd be happy to be reminded.

Like many things, I think tone and context matters. So - generally those kind of invitations come with an “any allergies?” question attached. I think it’s absolutely fine at that point to say “not an allergy, but I’m really not keen on spicy food/goat’s cheese….(or whatever)”. And probably helpful for the host to know. But sending a huge list, or waiting until close to the occasion? That’s inconsiderate and rude. People are hosting you for dinner, not running a restaurant.

As a host - observing someone move the food around their plate would annoy me - so rude, I'd have to say something..

You're cooking for others but you 'couldn't be arsed' asking them what they can eat?

Tbh you're as rude as your guests.

What's the difference between "I don't like pork" and being a picky eater?

They seem completely OTT. Personally I think allergies/bad intolerances/vegetarian/vegan should be mentioned to the host beforehand and well in advance but other than that I think guests should just put up and get on with it. The one exception is fish or seafood, I’d always check with guests beforehand as I know they tend to be a love it or hate it food and I’d want to check.

I have a weird hatred of all soft cheeses and also any goat or sheeps cheese. Literally makes me gag, all my close friends know, however I’ve never told other people ahead of a dinner party. My usual trick is to try and separate the cheese from the other food as much as possible and then swallow it down whole in small bites without chewing 😂.

I don’t generally run the menu by guests beforehand (I think food at a dinner party should be a surprise) but some people do ask which takes the fun out of it a bit as you instantly know they are going to be picky 😂.

Also what kind of meat eater has such an aversion to chicken that they can’t even eat it?! Chicken is like the most inoffensive meat there is, I can understand it not being their preferred meat and being a bit meh about it but to actively hate it enough to bring it up to rule it out for a dinner party seems mad.

@CurlewKate I'd say not liking pork isn't enough to be counted as a picky eater.

If there are a bunch of other things you also don't like, to the extent it makes it difficult to find something you like or for other people to cook for you, that's what I'd class as a picky eater.

It’s a balance isn’t it. I don’t eat red meat anymore but if I went to a dinner party and was given beef I would eat it.

I don’t eat any seafood. If I was served it at a dinner party I would politely decline or if I am asked, I say in advance that I don’t eat seafood.

Salmon makes me gag. I literally want to throw up if I smell it. Despite this, my close friend serves it to me every single time I go there for lunch or dinner. She’s sat next to me at numerous meals at other peoples houses where they’ve handed me a similar meal with the salmon omitted or with chicken substituted saying “chicken for Gertrude” but it doesn’t sink in.

I have to leave it every time!