Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

@LuckySantangelo35 A few people have mentioned that they think leaving food that a host has cooked is rude. I think that's what the PP is referring to with that statement.

Surely eating way more than you want or need to eat and eating way past the point of feeling full, is by definition, stuffing your face? Or stuffing your stomach, whichever you prefer.

If I was hosting guests I would ask them before planning a menu.

I find it odd you didn’t ask. I have a friend who cannot abide onion or garlic, so I make sure I make them something different that doesn’t include it.

I don’t think you committed the faux pas to be honest! If you have such a list of food aversions, when invited to the dinner you should say “I’d love to, but I have a few food aversions, I don’t like cream, seafood, etc - is that okay?” Then you know upfront! I wouldn’t ask either OP, I think it’s on the guest to let you know, not for you to ask, I just assume everyone eats everything (like me ha)

Fish and seafood is a risky choice if you’re unsure of likes and dislikes. I tend to stick to fillet steak when hosting. Can’t go wrong with steak!

Surely eating way more than you want or need to eat and eating way past the point of feeling full, is by definition, stuffing your face? Or stuffing your stomach, whichever you prefer.

Tell me you have an issue with food without telling me you have an issue with food.

Stuffing your face! Jesus.

Unless you’re hosting a vegetarian, vegan or someone who doesn’t eat beef for religious reasons 😉

We’re beef farmers. If they don’t eat beef they aren’t welcome 🤫😜

I can't abide fussy adults

the opportunity

😂

If someone gave me a list, I honestly would let them know the food has already been purchased. I'd say they should let me know if they still intend to come or not. And I completely understand if they need to cancel. and we can arrange again another time.

I'd hope they'd cancel Or offer to bring something they can eat. Either one I don't mind.
If they decline, I'd contact different friends and ask if they're available short notice, that evening, and give them the none negotiable menu.

As for the original invitees, I might invite them another time if I happen to plan a dinner that's in keeping with their list of demands.

Assuming your host has served you a normal portion, finishing it would not be construed as stuffing your face in any normal circumstances.
Eating issues aside.

When I'm doing a dinner party I usually say what I'm intending to make. Like if its fish Ill say, we are having fish is that OK. Or if I'm doing curry I ask how spicy they like it and go with the lowest, or do an on the side spicy dish. If from that someone came back with a big list I would find it rude, but I want people to enjoy it so I always say what it is likely to be.

I can't abide who think that people should jus put up and shut up. Don't you realise not everyone likes the same things?

I agree a long list of dislikes isn't on but if a friend invited me to dinner I'd either tell them the couple of things that I don't like (chunks of tomatoes and spicy food) and let them know the things that I'm intolerant to, mushrooms (I can't even eat anything cooked with mushrooms in it), strawberries, mangoes and chickpeas. I'd hope we were good enough friends for them to understand. If not then they can expect me to leave the food and leave early for a MacDonalds!

This is why I am glad that "dinner parties" just aren't part of my world.
Casual BBQs where everyone brings a bit of what they like to share - I enjoy those.
Getting together with friends and having snacks (Doritos and dips type snacks...) - I enjoy that too.
But dinner parties.....so glad they aren't in my life 😂
Same here.
I like that my friends and family are generally easy going so other than some dietary requirements or having a mental note that one person hates fish/ease off on the spice for someone else, it's quite easy to cater for. Nobody dishes out a long list of things they won't eat. We do a lot of bring and share socialising.

Funnily enough this thread has reminded me of one person who is very much a "I'll eat anything but..." person. They think they're not a fussy eater, but I don't think there's been a social occasion yet where there's not been something they disliked.

I just wouldn't invite you

Because there's two things I won't eat and some others that make me ill? Thankfully my friends are all far nicer than you.

As many said, allergies aside it is damn rude and I'd tell the ex-guest to naff off.

Yeah I wouldn't change what I was going to cook and was going to be enjoyed by everyone else just because one adult can't eat a chunk of tomato.

If we were having maccas then fair enough you can come

chunk of tomato

I know, how oddly specific!

i mean at least people know what they are getting 😄

But surely what constitutes a normal portion is subjective?

I actually have quite a big appetite (and no eating disorders as a PP suggested 🙄) and would much rather over-serve guests than under-serve, as I wouldn’t want anyone leaving hungry.

But then I wouldn’t be at all put out if a guest didn’t finish what was on their plate, as they are a much better judge of their own appetite than I am. I can’t fathom the attitude of a grown adult being genuinely offended at another adult managing their own food intake according to their personal preferences and appetite.

I always ask visitors if there are things they don't like, why would I waste food by not doing?

I'm not 'fussy' but there are things I'd prefer not to eat - peppers, courgettes, aubergine, and things I absolutely wouldn't eat - onions chopped big enough that I can see them, yoghurt, any game. But most of my friends already know these things.

I'm quite happy to pick out the lumps of tomato and leave them on the side of the plate.

What about intolerances, would you change your mushroom wellington for example if I said they actually make me ill or would I be expected to just crack on with with it?