Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

It’s very normal for people with neurodivergent or ARFID etc.

@AlizeeEasy Totally agree. I'm autistic and I know lots of other ND people. There's definitely a higher rate of food sensitivities and ARFID amongst the people I know.

@TheSnowyOwl Yes, I know :) Sorry that's the point I was trying to make. I just don't think it should be labelled as 'fussiness' as it's not like it's a choice, if you see what I mean.

@Chaptertwobegins " have a Indian friend. I don't like Indian food, "

How can you possibly say you "don't like Indian food"? What-all of it????

I’d just do a breezy, ‘Don’t worry, I’m putting everything in serving dishes so you can just take what you like and leave what you don’t’, then stick a pile of air friend chicken nuggets in a bowl on the table.

We have family with loads of allergies - a small amount of fussiness and a couple of veggies. We either do an all-day breakfast, burgers and chips or BBQ - you can easily fit every conceivable combination into these options. A roast dinner would be easy too!

Tricky one - we all have things we don't like, but I wouldn't state my preferences or provide a list ahead of time as that is rude. However... I do not like curry. Never have, never will. If someone invited me to dinner and then served curry, I couldn't eat it. I couldn't choke some down just to satisfy them. Same with the PP who mentioned spicy food. I can't tolerate it either. If there are other things to eat, that's all good. I don't like roast pork, but if someone served it I would simply enjoy everything else that goes with a roast dinner. Other dishes are trickier.

I adore pineapple juice but can't cope with the texture of pineapple.

I love tomato based sauces but can't cope with pieces of tomato (I can pick them out though).

I love the flavour of strawberries but even the thought of eating then makes me queasy.

I love the flavour that onions bring to a dish, but can't eat onions.

I wish I could just eat normally.

You’re all unreasonable. They were pushing it giving you a long list, but comments like this show your mind would have been made up no matter how they approached it:

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager

It’s always worth asking if there are any particular dislikes - even if only for the unusual answers you might get. A friend once told me “I don’t like prawns, mustard, sweet and savoury mixed together or custard”. That was the end of my prawn and prune fricassee with mustard custard topping.

I guess I don't have that many fussy friends (anymore). Used to be more of an issue, but I've stopped entertaining odd people in my life! 😂

lots of people are saying that this is a modern thing.

Well, yes it is because the wide variety of food that we have available today is relatively new.
I am 56.
When I was a child, spaghetti bolognese was adventurous.
Very limited veg available, very limited fruit and all seasonal.

Most people ate a meat potatoes and 2 veg style diet.

So, if people did have a sensitivity to onions or tomatoes (both of which are actually quite common) it never came up, because no-one cooked with onions and tomatoes, and thick sauces were not common either.

If you look at traditional meals, lots of them are surprisingly gluten free, and dairy free, and low in common allergens and not spicy.
See my post above about - cook a roast
That deals with most of the common food preferences.
Then you just need to work out the vegan/vegetarian part!

So, if we are now putting eg 1,000 ingredients on the table as opposed to the under 100 in the past, it is not a surprise that many more people are going to have things they don't like.

I misunderstood and yes, it’s not fussy.

I suppose the likelihood is that someone who has lots of food restrictions and is invited to this sort of scenario, is likely well known to the host so this is to be expected anyway.

"Odd people"?

Fucking hell.

Is that really that unusual?

I'm surprised at the number of people who think others should make themselves suffer discomfort or unpleasantness in order not to be thought 'rude'.

It's not just about avoiding gagging or vomiting, which people seem to reluctantly accept might be a good reason. It might be that something triggers uncomfortable bloating or reflux which might keep them awake half the night or affect how they feel all the next day. It might cause them awful wind and they know they've got to spend the following day with work colleagues or family and don't want to be farting all day long. It might leave them feeling slightly nauseous or with a stabbing pain in their guts for the rest of the day, or with a touch of the runs. And they probably don't want to tell you these embarrassing and personal issues to give a reason for their so-called 'rudeness'.

In a nutshell, people are allowed to take care of their own well-being because that takes precedence over politeness, and it would be really great if you judgey people would stop being so rude as to insist that your feelings are more important than my self-care.

Haha, I wonder if we know the same person? I got a similar list from a 'friend', although she was weird in lots of ways and I've stopped inviting her round!

Your menu does sound quite difficult. Many people don't eat seafood or fish, and cream makes some people sick if in food. Lots of sauces. Not very considerate.

Surely up onto a point? If I was hosting a dinner part and one really isn't into fish, another hates lamb, the other one isn't a fan of eating chicken of the bone, and another one really really has a hard time eating beef, WTH do you do?
And then it's a bit of a list ie, I dislike beef and garlic and really would appreciate if there was no beans and I'm really not a salad person . Fine (albeit rude) if it was one person, but your hosting apart of 12. And everyone gives you a list?? Really is rude and sorry to say, somewhat low class.

Yeah I know it's weird, I seem to be the only person in the world that isn't a fan. But I don't like common spices that tend to be in Indian food. It just seems like so many spices at once. And strong spices. I can eat the bread and my friends now makes some dishes I like, there's a coconut dish I like now. Which is surprising since I'm not a fan of coconuts either. So I'm better now than I was originally, but only cause I went to their home and ate what they provided.

I agree entirely.

You're welcome. 😂

To be fair, I wouldn't class what you describe as "fussy eating" but rather a medical condition/eating disorder. HTH.

It seems to me that the main issue with this one was that your friend's let you know at such short notice. I think with any eating issue - whether it's an allergy, preference, disorder etc - it should be mentioned at the time of accepting the invitation. "Oh, thank you so much for that invite, we'd love to come for dinner. Just to say, and I'm sorry if this is tricky so please do let me know if we can bring anything - but we don't eat any seafood and DH has a weird aversion to cream. Can't even look at the stuff".

People brought up on ready meals and industrial, mass-produced, highly processed foods are likely to be more fussy. I come from a culture of a more varied diet where fussiness just wasn't a thing and you ate everything. Also very few people were overweight when I was growing up.

Well, I can only say what I would do in that situation and that would be to make a selection of dishes that my guests could choose from so everyone is comfortable and a good time can be had by all.

I don’t think expressing likes/dislikes when asked affects one’s ‘class status’. That’s a ridiculous thought process. But I’m not a snobbish, arrogant person with a superiority complex and complete lack of empathy for my friends.

This is a difficult one op. I am of the opinion that people should just suck up what they don't like on the grounds that if you host and put the effort in, the guests should do their part as well, and that applies when I am a guest too.

Having said all that, I have an issue with diary foods that makes me ill so I need to be clear about that in advance.

It's the way of the world now, so many people have different preferences, allergies or intolerances, so if I am hosting, I always ask "is there anything you cannot or prefer not to eat?" when I invite them.