Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

As a host I wouldn't want a guest to feel obliged to eat something they really hated. That's why I would ask if there's anything particularly to avoid ahead of time. Obviously if it was a spur of the moment dinner the choice would be what I had in at the time or a takeaway. But if it's planned in advance, everyone will enjoy it more if you check what likes/dislikes are.

I don't have an allergy to curry for example, but I find it utterly disgusting to look at, smell and consume. So I avoid it and wouldn't eat it - it's kind of like someone serving you a plate of diarrhoea, with maggots (rice) on the side. I'd rather not go to a meal if the host would "force" me to eat it. (That said if there was some naan bread and poppadoms knocking about I'd make do with them whilst everyone else ate the curry.)

I love seafood love calamari but mussels is one food I hate. I'm not fussy I will eat what's served usually. But mussels just no i couldn't even swallow them.🤢🤮

I can’t imagine a scenario where I would invite people for a meal and not check their likes and dislikes first tbh. Surely it’s just good manners to do so?

It's rude.

YANBU

Even if you abide by their list, you could end up cooking a food they like, but may not make it the way they like. there's 100 ways to cook chicken for example. Then what? will they say I don't like this, can you give me something else please?

Unless it's an allergy, or you're vegetarian or some other health concerns, or you're paying for the food. then I really find it rude to provide a list of what you like or don't like. Your coming to my house a friend. not going to a restaurant with a menu.

There are good guests and bad guests. Fussy eaters make for bad guests.

My initial thoughts were it is rude plain and simple. Then I thought of reasons why it might have happened and why the knee jerk feeling that it was rude happened.

They may have a preference that is based in reasoning such as textures (sometimes an ND thing but absolutely not exclusively ND and sometimes it is a preference) or it makes them feel queasy (perhaps an intolerance they’ve not understood or it plain and simple makes them feel nauseous) or an underlying health thing they don’t want to discuss and have wrapped up as a preference.

It may rankle that people can assert boundaries and preferences when others struggle and just put up and shut up.

Ultimately it may just be that they are rude and entitled.

I think it's common practice to ask people before what are their no-no, with the expectation that it's a very short list.

I eat practically everything, I'm a proper table roomba, but I have a real problem with goat cheese. I can force myself, but it wouldn't be enjoyable at all, so when hosts ask me if there's something I can't eat, I say just that.

There are other stuff I'm not a massive fan of, but it wouldn't prevent me from having a good time, and sometimes, forcing myself a bit makes my taste buds evolve. 2 years ago, I wouldn't have touched coriander or ginger, now I'm fine with both.

So yeah a bit rude to come with a full list, a dinner party is 30% the food, 70% the company.

Yes Id do this, with just pasta in one of those tomato sauce pots and some garlic bread. I agree about the seafood- its an acquired taste, and some people have a fear of food poisoning from it, but chicken, seafood and dairy? You have an excuse to put it in front of him, as if others eat it, he wont have any other food.

Why would you eat things you hated?

I've got a 'fussy eater' who will be ill if you feed him certain things. It's not just a case of him eating things to be polite, he'll suffer. And if we stay long enough so will you!

If you have extreme food issues, then it’s best to suggest an alternative (eg drinks and nibbles). I fully and personally understand food difficulties but these are a quite separate issue from being princessy about not liking this, that or the other and expecting to be accommodated.

Surely if you’re inviting guests to eat at your house, you’d consider cooking something they like?
I mean, I would not eat anything I don’t like, if someone put pasta, cheese, mashed potatoes, casserole, stew, goulash, and other food infront of me, I’d not be eating it!

I ask people if there's anything they really like/don't like or are allergic to before I plan the menu.

like others have said, you should have asked - is there anything you don't eat?

There are many things I would not choose on a menu, but wouldn't mention it and happily eat at someone else's house, but there are a couple of things I really dislike and would struggle.
2 of my (teen/adult) kids hate mushrooms, that is a hard one, as they will happily pick them out of a dish and eat the rest (because they try not to be too picky) so I don;t usually mention it, but we once went ot someone's house and had garlic mushrooms as a starter, that was awkward as I knew they really couldn't eat them, so now I do mention it.

I had a lady round for ameal recently who eats - anything except sausages. Which is quite random but easy to accommodate!

I agree! I wouldn’t be giving a list of preferences, that’s rude! But I have a certain food I don’t like and I genuinely can’t stomach, if someone serves me it I can’t eat it. It’s popular in dishes and I have been to dinner at someone’s house before and been served it as the main meal and I’ve had to pretend to eat/struggle a mouthful and not gag/ pass it onto someone in secret as the last thing I want to do is upset the host. It’s all been very awkward. So now I do tell someone if I’m invited over for dinner. I think it lessens upset and I’d hate to offend my host by not eating the food once it’s been cooked and placed in front of me.

They e ruled out fish, seafood, chicken and dairy?? Massive piss take . Im definitely in the ‘eat what you’re given’ camp

On the fence with this. I usually ask, is there something you really really hate? A list is piss taking. My two friends hate cheese, when my brother in law invited them to lunch he made risotto, delicious it was... if you like cheese. One friend put on brave face and ate it, the other couldnt as her distaste was so pronounced she would have thrown up. I prefer someone tells me if there is something like that.

It used to be good manners that as a guest in someone's house you accept what they provide, say thank you. And appreciate the time and effort they put into entertaining you. Considering you didn't pay for any of it. Now people right list of what the want and don't want apparently. How times have changed.

I absolutely cannot tolerate spicy food so I would say something well in advance. I also won't eat tomatoes. I can tolerate passata but no way would I eat anything with lumps of tomato and fresh tomato in a salad would be even worse! So I suppose it comes down to what's worse, saying something in advance or (obviously not just before the meal) or picking the bits out of my food and leaving them on the side of the plate!

Really fucking rude. If you're not actually allergic, or doing it for ethical/religious reasons, AFAIC you eat it and say thank you. I've eaten loads of things at people's houses that I wouldn't choose for myself. It's not a big deal.

I don’t really know the answer to this. If it is something that you just wouldn’t chose to eat in a restaurant, then I think you should probably toughen up- I would never choose to eat risotto for example, but I would eat it without fuss if put in front of me. BUT I absolutely can not stand fish, and in the same way veganism is a choice that I am expected to respect when serving food
to a guest I think I would like the same courtesy when it comes to that.

Allergies aside, there are many dietary preferences that we are expected to accommodate now- I think my one request of no fish is probably a lot easier to accommodate than no meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy etc.

“I also am really unforgiving of fussy eaters and think 'it's not going to kill you even if you don't like the taste just eat it' but I can't say that as a host “

I understand what you are saying but as a guest if you said “would you like you come round for x” and I didn’t like it, I’d say “no thank you”. Why do you want to invite people for a meal they hate eating and force down? That’s no one’s idea of fun.

@Chaptertwobegins but a dinner invitation is just that - an invite, not a summons. Surely you invite people over because you want them to have a nice time so why not check what they’d like?

by "hosting" do you mean having friend over for dinner? Or a week?

I get that it is a bit awkward, but would you rather put loads of effort into cooking a meal and then not ahve your firends eat it? that would be worse surely?

Sorry but a good host should ask. You haven't okayed the menu beforehand and as such they have felt the need to say it. A quick text to say "I'm planning on cooking this. Is that okay?" wouldn't have hurt.

I wouldn't say it personally and I see why you think they are being rude. However, as them I would also find it awful to sit and pretend I like the food in a close- knit environment.

I think there's an issue on both sides really. At this point with it being so close to the meal they'll get what they're given.

Cook him some chips and he can help him self to try the other dishes.