What does FWB mean to you?

[Curiousto]

There has been a few threads across all the boards recently where people in FWB arrangements have been told they aren't FWB by other MN users. One poster said they were exclusive FWB, and was told by another poster they weren't FWB, but were in a relationship.

On this night of lurve, what does FWB mean to you?

I've read with interest as for me, my FWB and I message every day, several times a day. We see each other about once a fortnight for the weekend. I've stayed at his for 6 days in a row. We go to the cinema, to restaurants, on walks, bike rides, to pubs, day trips out to local cities. Been on 2 UK 4 day breaks together. We've got events planned in the diary up to August. We've met each others friends and family.

We talk about the stresses of life and have supported each other through some tough situations. We mostly message, rarely call. It's been this way for 18 months.

I've slept with 3 others and been on a few dates in that 18 months. He doesn't know about them. He may have slept with others. I don't know. Not my business.

It works for us.

If you're in/have had FWB, what works for you?

If you've never experienced FWB, what are your thoughts?

For me, a friendfship WB is exactly that: you're friends and do friends things, like going hiking, or to the movies, or go out with other friends; you have sex when you feel like to; but you are not in love with that person. There is no romance. If your FWB starts dating another woman, you may feel a bit bothered that you have lost part of his time as a friend (as it happens when any other friend gets coupled up) and the sex you were sharing, but you're not "jealous", you wouldn't be with him romantically anyway.

I have a FWB, we are genuinely friends and when we are both single we also sleep together. We both go on dates and openly chat about it to the other person. Neither of us want to be in a relationship with the other one, but its nice to do couply stuff with someone when you're single. We sometimes go out for meals cinema etc and sometimes he just comes over late or picks me up if I'm out as he doesn't drink.

When either of us are in a relationship we still chat a bit on message and might meet up for a daytime activity. But we don't see each other or speak as much. We've been like this on/off for 20 years and it works for us!

I think your FWB probably thinks your in a relationship... I think it's important to be honest and make sure you're not hurting people.

For me a fuck buddy is someone who you only see for sex and if sex is off the cards you wouldn't bother. So no meals out, chatty texts etc

OP, you've answered how you'd feel if he got together with someone else.

How would you feel if he asked if you wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with him? Would you consider it?

Agree with others that the spectrum goes fuck buddy ... FWB...casual dating ... non committed relationship ... exclusive relationship.

I'm in an open marriage and we recently "recategorised" ourselves to poly because we were happier with ourselves and our other partners being further up that line. At the start I was only really comfortable with DH seeing fuck buddies, or some limited elements of FWB. He was freaked out by my offering emotional support to people and we had to work out how we felt on a load of things; like was it OK for him to attend an event with someone, was it OK for me to help someone move house, could I meet someone's child even as a friend... it's not the sex, but the level of reliance on the other person I think that changes the tone.

You sound like you rely on one another quite a bit OP.

(edited for typo)

Just out of curiosity OP... why do you not consider it a relationship, and, why don't you guys become an 'official' relationship? What's stopping you?

Would he feel as happy for you if you were to meet someone else and withdraw the fwb relationship?

To me FWB would be someone in a friendship group that I had sex with occasionally.

Anything more , then it's a relationship isn't it?

I'd love to hear what your FWB thinks it is. Sounds more committed and intense that most people's genuine relationships to me.

I think a majority of people would describe yours as an open relationship from your side. You can call it FWB obviously, they are minefields that inevitably end sadly because they mean different things to those that are in them.

I'm not sure how else you want me to answer it 🤷 Is this better?

"Drop it off in the back room. You've not met my friend Curiousto, have you?..."

I don't know how the conversation went about me going to the birthday meal. I wasn't there.

My family "you would have to choose this weekend, wouldn't you? FWB is visiting." "Bring him along sis. You've been fucking him long enough so he can't be that bad. That way I still see you and you still get some"

Can't you enjoy the sex too?

With that comment, you're insinuating that if more women were open to FWB situations, men would have all they need... and only currently marry for sex?

If that's true, I wonder which applies more: Men 'endure' marriage because that's how they guarantee sex... or women have no more to offer to men than sex.

One thing I’m curious about, if you are FWB, do you hug/kiss/hold hands? Or is that a bit too intimate/romantic?

@C1N1C No. I'm saying that most people, men and women, are looking for happy, fulfilled relationships. However, in my experience, the women who have FWB, while enjoying the sex, are in many cases hoping it will develop into something more, while the men are quite happy with the status quo.

To me, a fuckbuddy is someone you meet only for sex, and contact is mostly about when to meet/sexting.

FWB - you can go out with, you know well enough to send links to articles you think they'll like. You know a bit about each other's lives. My FWBs know how my job hunting is going. My FB doesn't. My FWBs also know about other dates, and there's an understanding if one of those works out, it will be the end of WB but not F.

It means men having their cake and eating it.

It's usually women wanting something more and hoping that if they're nice to the man and give him the Girlfriend Experience, he'll fall in love with them.

Men are laughing at us. Don't do it. Not going to lie, I've had more than my fair share of casual sex back in the day but these men are not our "friends" ladies and should not be considered as such.

So he gets all the benefit of having a girl on his arm, someone to confide in and all the perks of a girl friend whilst still being able to shag who he wants whenever he wants....

Yeah that's not fwb.

Usually that's the odd text arranging a fuck.

I've had a few. I agree with a lot of the above post.

In all cases, they were genuine friendships. Men I'd been friends with for a few years who I did friend stuff with - cinema, meals, days out, gigs etc. But we also sometimes had sex.

Being exclusive was never discussed and there was no questioning about whether either of us considered it to be so on either side.

They weren't relationships because of this and neither of us wanted a relationship with the other. Neither of us could 'cheat' on the other because there was no expectation of exclusivity. There were no expectations beyond friendship. No wondering how the other person 'felt' because we already knew we were good friends and that was all.

Sometimes we'd message several times a day, sometimes every few days, sometimes a week or so would go by and we hadn't been in touch.

They looked like friendships, they felt like friendships and sometimes there was sex.

I read a lot on here about fwbs where feelings are involved on one side. That's not a fwb, that's one person using another for casual sex. Just hooking up for sex without friendship is a fuck buddy and not a fwb. Finding someone on a dating app who you meet up with for a drink followed by sex now and again is a casual sexual arrangement not a fwb.

For me, a fwb is someone with whom you have an existing, established friendship that progreses to sometimes include sex. But where there are no problems if one person says, "I have a date on Saturday," or "I've met someone," and where the other person is genuinely pleased, the sex stops but the friendship continues

OP you are in a non committed relationship in my eyes. FWB is purely sex. Call them fuck buddies if you want but that's what FWB is.

However, in my experience, the women who have FWB, while enjoying the sex, are in many cases hoping it will develop into something more, while the men are quite happy with the status quo.

I haven't ever hoped a fwb would turn into something more. Nor harboured feelings for them. And I'd have been horrified if any of them had

The beauty of it is that there are no feelings beyond friendship involved.

The F part of fwb means there is a friendship.

Fuck buddies are just that but fwbs are friends first and foremost.

To me, it means that at least one person doesnt like the other enough to have a relationship.

sometimes one person wants more and hopes the arrangement will fall into a relationship.

Sometimes it's fine for both parties

Its not for me.

FWB. Means a friend who you occasionally sleep with, with no strings attached.

Hugs are platonic - like the way you'd hug any friend.

I wouldn't have wanted to kiss or hold hands with a fwb. They were not my boyfriend...

Essentially and succinctly this

It's usually women wanting something more and hoping that if they're nice to the man and give him the Girlfriend Experience, he'll fall in love with them.

Not always. I've a newish one who would like me to be exclusive. I'm the one who is unsure about this. I'm fine with no new dates (there are only 24h in a day anyway,) but I'm not ready to give up the benefits of 2 other FWBs currently. In practice, logistics means I'm not likely to meet either of them soon, so practically it will happen, I suppose, but I'm not ready mentally to be that committed to one man.

Agreed.

I hug all my friends who enjoy hugs.

I greet/say goodbye to closer friends with a peck on the cheek.

I never hold FWB hand. I occasionally link my arm in his if we're walking somewhere busy, as I do with other friends. I don't want to lose them. I've seen FWB offer his arm to 2 other female friends in busy places.

I do kiss FWB as part of sex. Not outside that.

I do kiss FWB as part of sex. Not outside that.

Same