What does FWB mean to you?

[Curiousto]

There has been a few threads across all the boards recently where people in FWB arrangements have been told they aren't FWB by other MN users. One poster said they were exclusive FWB, and was told by another poster they weren't FWB, but were in a relationship.

On this night of lurve, what does FWB mean to you?

I've read with interest as for me, my FWB and I message every day, several times a day. We see each other about once a fortnight for the weekend. I've stayed at his for 6 days in a row. We go to the cinema, to restaurants, on walks, bike rides, to pubs, day trips out to local cities. Been on 2 UK 4 day breaks together. We've got events planned in the diary up to August. We've met each others friends and family.

We talk about the stresses of life and have supported each other through some tough situations. We mostly message, rarely call. It's been this way for 18 months.

I've slept with 3 others and been on a few dates in that 18 months. He doesn't know about them. He may have slept with others. I don't know. Not my business.

It works for us.

If you're in/have had FWB, what works for you?

If you've never experienced FWB, what are your thoughts?

I had one for 10 years! I joke it was my longest ever relationship. We met at high school and started sleeping together once we’d both left school. He did meet my parents but only because I lived with him at the time. He was great in bed and I enjoyed hanging out with him but there were certain traits that I didn’t like about him, so I didn’t want to pursue a serious relationship. He was very emotionally closed off and I’m the opposite. It really was a case of “I like/fancy him enough to shag and spend time with, but not enough for anything more”, and I’m sure he felt the same about me.

For the first few years, we’d see each other maybe once or twice a month and we did go out for dinner and on day trips. When we both moved out of our hometown it became less frequent - maybe 2-3 times a year. We both dated other people in between our FWB-ing and if either one of us was in a relationship we’d obviously stop the sex, but still chatted as friends. We don’t talk any more, just fizzled out/drifted away, but it was brilliant while it lasted.

I had another FWB for about a year which was a very similar deal, not right for each other for a relationship but physically attracted and enjoyed the occasional shag. that ended when he got into a relationship but we still occasionally chat over social media (nothing sexy, just light friendly catch ups).

I really enjoyed both. On both occasions it suited me and them perfectly, and we did get on as mates too, not super close friends but enough to actually enjoy hanging out. I also liked the uncertainty and excitement that came with not knowing when you’d see them next, so it always felt like it was in the buzzy early dating stage.

I do find it interesting that I'm being told by a few of you that my FWB isn't a FWB.

He is.

And that was part of the reason I posted. I find it weird that a stranger feels they're in a better position to label something than the person living the situation.

He and his best mate speak on the phone daily. If best mate calls when I'm there, he'll have a brief chat rather than their normal 20+ minutes as he'll tell him I'm there. We're both sociable people who like engaging with friends. That doesn't make it a relationship, open or otherwise.

I asked what FWB meant to you, not for opinions on mine. I know MN too well that if I didn't put my opinion on the OP, I'd be accused of being a journalist or a bored teen on school holidays 🤣

FWB and fuckbuddy are synonymous with me. Maybe a bit more socialization with a FWB

Realised I didn’t answer your question - I gave my examples because I think they demonstrate what it means to me, a friend you like and are attracted to and enjoy sleeping with and spending time with, but the ingredients that would make you compatible for a serious relationship are missing. That feeling has to be mutual for it to work, obviously.

Well I don't know, like I say it's entirely up to you what label you put on your own situation/life, but personally if I was sleeping with someone on the level of a very close or best friend (someone you speak to multiple times a day, rely on for help in difficult times etc) I would call that a relationship because much more complicated and important feelings would be involved than just someone who I have casual sex/benefits with.

Out of interest OP, I know you say you don't have a problem with him seeing or sleeping with other people and vice versa but hypothetically (you don't have to answer) how would you feel if he got a long term monogamous girlfriend/partner? Aside from the sex being off the table, how would you feel about that? Or what about if it was the other way around? If you genuinely feel it wouldn't change your relationship then I guess that does really indicate the friendship part is the real deal there and the sex is incidental...

That sounds like a non exclusive relationship.

FWB to me is literally messaging each other to arrange when we’re next seeing each other to sleep with one another. I was FWB for a year with the kids dad (we now have two kids) and we’d speak here and there but never socialised or did anything together. We exclusively slept with one another and that was it. It was a great life

Your posts are so strange.

We give opinion on what this situation would be to us, from our POV. This doesn't change whatever label you put on it. Why are you so precious about it anyway?

You asked for people's definitions, opinions, experiences, you got it back and then it turns out it's not what you wanted to hear. Go figure.

I had a FWB, we would message each other randomly to see if the other was home and if we wanted to hook up.

Sometime we did, sometimes we didn't. It was fun while it lasted.

Happy to answer @maxelly

We were first FWB just before Covid. He was very Covid safe, so we met rarely for 2 years, but daily messaged, watched films virtually and did lots of sexting.

I then had a boyfriend for a year which I told him about. We still daily messaged but didn't meet up IRL. When things ended with my boyfriend, we met up again.

If he finds someone, I'll be gutted that I'll have to replace the sex aspect as it's annoying, but I'll be truly happy for him that he's found someone. I'll be sad if he decides the contact needs to go too, as he sends me lots of things that brighten my day.

FWB and fuck buddies are the same thing.

Yours does sound more like an open relationship but I think FWBs/fuck buddies do have a large spectrum.

For most, it’s just about not wanting the commitment.

That could mean that they act like they’re in a relationship and are open to others knowing that they’re seeing each other or that it’s much more of a secret and it’s just purely sex.

Obviously in your situation one of you (I assume him) doesn’t want a long term commitment but you’re both very compatible, which is why it’s about more than just sex.

In my mind:

fuck buddy - just have sex, nothing else beyond that.

friend with benefits - enjoy a bit of time together (in my case they’ve always been part of friendship group so been at some of same nights out, parties etc) and have sex. Not exclusive, no expectations.

casual dating - go on dates and have sex. May turn into more if it goes well. Not exclusive. Might meet friends socially.

boyfriend / girlfriend / relationship etc - exclusive, intend / hope to have a future, meet friends and family.

I’ve never done casual dating…. either had a sex-based arrangement or an exclusive boyfriend.

I don’t see fwb and fuck buddies the same at all, to me fuck buddies are people that aren’t friends but just meet up for sex no talking in between, don’t hang out together and don’t do things together, fwb friends that also have sex but also hang out together but aren’t in an exclusive relationship

I had a FWB situation very like yours when I was in my 20s, OP - we were genuinely good friends, hung out all the time, went to the cinema, for drinks, food etc. lots of texting back and forth, and sex. And yet it was very definitely not a romantic relationship - I was always completely sure that that wouldn't work out long-term, and I never thought of him as my boyfriend.
We gradually drifted apart once I met (now) DH, and I haven't heard from him in years now. Very fond memories though.

Yours is a low commitment relationship / open relationship to me

FWB is we meet up, have sex, have a laugh and a drink and a chat. We call each other when we’d like to have sex, not a weekend of walks on the beach.

I might go to see a film or a gallery with them but fairly rarely because that’s not what the relationship is.

I have had a FWB before.

We meet if both of us happen to be single and up for it. What sets it apart from a "f buddy" situation is, we will go for a walk beforehand. Afterwards we will enjoy a nice cuddle and a chat.

However, theres no feelings there only lust. And thats only see if you're in the mood.

But thats not answering the question.

It appears he is giving the impression to his family that you are his girlfriend.

And you giving the impression that he is your boyfriend.

Yours sounds like a ( not very good/ open ) relationship not FWB; to me I wouldn’t be in touch w a FWB several times a day, go away w them on trips or make plans all the way till summer. Also, from my perspective, it’s supposed to be a bit more lighthearted than supporting each other through difficult life events.

What you describe OP is a relationship - albeit a vaguely open one.

A FWB is just that: a friend that you have sex with from time to time.

I also always categorise FWB and fuckbuddies as different names for the same thing too. Take the coy out of 'benefits' and it's basically 'buddies with fucking'!
OP your set up does sound much more like an open relationship than a FWB to me, but if it works for you both and you both know where you stand then just crack on.

If you didn't want an opinion on your relationship status, why did you describe it in such great detail in your OP!?
YOU might call your situation FWBs but WE call the situation you've described an open/non-exclusive relationship.
Sounds like the two of you have a much deeper connection than just the sex/lust of being FWBs.

Friends with benefits, someone you have sex with but no commitment to. I'd generally say you weren't exclusive, but some may choose to be exclusive.

I also would assume it would mostly be sex, not going to dinner etc otherwise I feel if you're exclusive it's bordering on a relationship but you don't actually like each other enough to commit?

To me, FWB is all the fun and sex, with none of the expectations, commitment or emotional entanglement of being a couple.

I'd also describe yours as an open relationship OP. You have the fun, sex, expectations and emotional entanglement sides, but none of the commitment.

What does FWB mean to me? A disaster waiting to happen. A man living his best life.

I agree with this if both parties feel the same way and are genuinely happy with the situation (although I do think usually one person wants more), otherwise it's basically one person waiting until something better comes along. But then writing this, it makes me think we probably should do this for much longer rather than rushing into being in a relationship as most of us do (mostly women) and we'd all probably be in much better relationships