To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

Not seeing the drama personally but sure OK.

Except in ' 90 % ' of people that have a different opinion.

No, what I meant was I don't see the drama in my response to say what people seem to think the thread is about is constantly changing, which is what you implied in your last response. That I was creating the same drama I was complaining about. I don't see that personally. But sure if that's what you think then OK.

Yes I do still think 90% of the replies from the other view point have been overly dramatic about the whole thing.

Yet another stepmother who sees her stepDC as an unfortunate burden. Wow

Yes I do still think 90% of the replies from the other view point have been overly dramatic about the whole thing.

Yep your general stance is that other opinions are dramatic. Yours is not.

Blimey, great step mum you are! Your step son must have mortified that his friend was told he had to have his tea first, having a friend round for tea is part of the fun and then popcorn etc later. You're not baby sitting, he's your step son but I bet he doesn't feel you're like a mother to him either. As your child gets older there will be a massive divide, your child being the favourite of course. Shame on you.

Refusing to feed a child because you don’t want to sit at a table with them is not within even “ wild” variations. It’s just bizarre.

Tell me something I've said that is as dramatic as half the posters who think OP is unreasonable.

As I say we'll just go round in circles so 🤷‍♀️ have a great day!

You come over as a bit mean. Obviously if money is an issue then that’s different but if not then definitely mean.

Tell me something I've said that is as dramatic as half the posters who think OP is unreasonable.

As I say we'll just go round in circles so 🤷‍♀️ have a great day!

I wouldn't be anyway, it's all here on thread.

Interspersed by many many posters who think OP is AIBU ( without the need to mention suffering, MH or calling in SS)

I did t even see SS mentioned ( except by the poster alleging it had been).

The bottom line is OP had a laughably lame excuse for not wanting to feed her SS’s friend. It’s not DH’s fault she had that lame excuse.

So most people have said YABU.

It’s not DH’s fault she had that lame excuse

It is his fault she felt the need to give it though rather than just accepting she didn't want to do the sleepover in the first place.

Oh stop making her out to be so feeble. What is she: 5?

No, I just think her husband sounds a bit like a bully.

I thought ten minutes ago he was at fault as a wimp for “ allowing” a person without his standards of childcare into the family 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry where did I call him a wimp? Wouldn't be putting words in my mouth would you?

I think any man or parent who marries someone without first ensuring they share the same views regarding the role of a step parent is stupid. I never called anyone a wimp. I absolutely think there are plenty of men who do just that and then proceed after the fact to pressure their wives into acting how they want them to act.

No, I just think her husband sounds a bit like a bully.

Fair enough.
Don't act like a twat with the kids.

That wasn't the post I took issue with. Your comprehension levels are a real problem.

Well then we just come back around to disagreeing that she did so 🤷‍♀️

He was free to make his expectations clear before he embarked on a a relationship with someone that wasn’t his kid’s mother. If he doesn’t like it he is free to leave I imagine, which is preferable to trying to force OP into a role she clearly isn’t going to accept.

He was free to make his expectations clear before he embarked on a a relationship with someone that wasn’t his kid’s mother. If he doesn’t like it he is free to leave I imagine, which is preferable to trying to force OP into a role she clearly isn’t going to accept.

Agree.

Still don't be an arse to the kids.

I don't think he even knows what he wants by the sound of it. He wants her to treat the son like she would her own only when it suits him. Not very clear is it.

Well then we just come back around to disagreeing that she did so 🤷‍♀️

In that case why's he even in the discussion? 🤷‍♀️

( personally I think it's relevant )

So are you actually disputing my points, or just taking cheap shots at me?

Rest assured I am quite aware that you think I’m indecent/immoral/horrible/cold/robotic etc. You are more than welcome to, given that it isn’t something I care about 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m also aware you disagree with my viewpoint totally. That is also fine and dandy, I don’t need to you agree.

Anything else? If it’s going to make you feel better?

If he thinks she’s being an arse to his kid then he knows where the door is.