To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

Who knew 11 year olds could only eat pizza? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep, looking after a kid that isn’t yours =

your step son, your OH's child and your child's sibling

" isn't yours "

🙄

Do you have separate finances? Why would you need to have your DH "offer to pay for a pizza delivery"? I can never understand that setup.
Thank goodness my children's stepdad was never one of the "I'm doing you a favour providing you childcare brigade". He would have been long gone out of my life. Instead he was coaching cricket teams and picking up kids from parties and generally just being a dad. How odd to live otherwise.

Correct, given that she neither birthed nor adopted him. Marrying his father made her his stepmother, that’s it. She didn’t assume parental responsibilities upon signing the marriage certificate.

What sort of emotionally stunted arsehole actually thinks like this?

Yes but this is completely twisting the issue. Op didn’t want to for a variety of reasons that didn’t include that but did include the curious aversion to sitting at a table with a child she has never met. It wasn’t about money; it was about the fact it wasn’t her child she was having to have the sleepover for so she didn’t want the effort. And then people get all wailey about people not liking the idea of step parents.

Correct, given that she neither birthed nor adopted him. Marrying his father made her his stepmother, that’s it. She didn’t assume parental responsibilities upon signing the marriage certificate.

"That's it "

😂😂😂

🙋🏻‍♀️

Thankfully your approval isn’t required.

Sorry but I think the drama llamas are the people who make having a child over for a sleepover such a big deal! And having to feed them …god forbid!

Op would only serve pizza because she didn't want the guest sitting at the table with the rest of the family. It must be a total riot in that house.

That is quite literally the definition.

If a parent wants a partner that will parent with or for them then it’s on them to make sure they make that clear, instead of assuming that someone will naturally step into a parental role.

Your husband's child ranks below your child. It's clear to everyone.
I wouldn't be proud of that.

Poor kid.

You sound so so mean. Typical step dragon. Good luck in the future....

As yiu don't seem to want anything to do with your DSS, why did you marry (I assume married as you say DH) someone who had a child?

Correct, given that she neither birthed nor adopted him. Marrying his father made her his stepmother, that’s it. She didn’t assume parental responsibilities upon signing the marriage certificate.

Imagine if it all went tits up and this person ended up as a step parent to your child.

Was the friend unable to sit at a table with you ? Really unkind behaviour. I think you need to apologise to your husband. My husband has helped my boys’ mates loads of tines with lifts and cooked them a few meals, got them takeaways if I have been at work. Stop creating barriers.

Moreover, that’s one really good way of meeting and getting to know people: has been across centuries and across cultures. Or was that actually the very thing you were trying to avoid?

Keeping an eye on the boy while his dad works has nothing to do with parental responsibility - noone asked her for a kidney. You both need to grow up

I always think it’s helpful to flip things around ... so how would you have felt if you were told that your friend could stay the night but only if they ate in their own home first - and it was clear that you weren’t happy about them staying (kids can read all body language). And how would that have made the friend feel?

I love having my teens friends around - embrace the kids in your life and love them hard.

You sound like the wicked step mother. Poor step son . You were not making a sit down formal gourmet meal for 2 adults . Holy shit , those 2 boys would have eaten anything.

Oh don’t be so ridiculous. We’d all have said it if it were the DH and his SC.

It wouldn’t be serving it would be parenting. That’s why they are called stepparents and not step-person-my-parent-has-a-relationship-with-and-I-don’t

I didn’t say it did, that’s why I called it ✨childcare✨as opposed to parenting.

As an aside, pretty sure having parental responsibility doesn’t mean you’re required to provide spare organs (although you may of course wish to do so!).

@InterIgnis It just comes down to being a kind, decent person. Try it one day.

I hate it when people agree to stuff but then make it shit or awful because they didn't want to do it. Should just have said no. What you did was mean.

I can’t understand Mumsnet attitudes towards step children. Presumably you knew your husband had a child when you got married and when you choose to date/marry somebody with children that means making them a part of your life too, including occasional childcare and having a friend over for tea.