Has anyone ever given you some life changing advice?

[scottyhannah]

My first ever boss told me to find my voice and do things with purpose.
It was a dig at the time as I was a shy little 17 year old but for some reason it stayed with me for the next 30 years and I still hear his voice butt into my head when I need motivation.
He would have no idea that his frustrated jibe would have helped make me who I am.

This one is interesting - what do you take it to mean? You'll have peaks and troughs?

I agree that "what's for you won't go by you" is a good one, as I have taken it to mean if something is suited to you - like a subject area or area of work, or a calling - you will find a way to make it happen - 'you create your own luck', sort of thing (which I don't agree with literally but in that sort of spirit).

I found the interpretation of "I got this house because the universe meant me to have it" as rather religious-type thinking, which I think of as a separate meaning.

Yes. The most important lessons I was taught was ‘you can’t controls others….but you CAN control your reaction’

My two favourites:
No is a sentence.

And...

A relative from another country told me on my wedding day to treat my husband like a king and he then turned to my husband and said and you treat her like a queen.

It caught me off guard and I thought it was a lovely thing to hear as a piece of advice.

That feelings are just visitors. Depression, anxiety, fear are temporary and will bugger off eventually.

@TwelveKeys i understand it to mean that things in life don’t always happen as you plan. Eg, school, uni, wedding, kids or job then promotion etc. life is unpredictable. It’s not a straight line as you expect. You might have a baby first, then uni, then poverty, then marriage or another way around. It puts things into perspective

And makes you less jealous of others and stops you ‘competing’ with friends because things don’t happen in a straight line.

Im not at all religious.
and to give the circumstances, I was being made homeless. I was viewing properties, and only two in my price range. One significantly better than the other. I went for that one and it had already gone, I thought oh well it’s not for you because it wouldn’t go by you if it was. I was awaiting a decision on the other house, when the agent from the house I wanted called me back and said that the couple who had wanted it had backed out. It was mine if I wanted it. What is for you won’t go by you.
i have not once referenced the universe or religion. It is a mantra for which to manage disappointment and then feel good when things do go your way. But as always on mums net, we have to be utterly ridiculous about stuff 🤷🏽‍♀️ even on a thread where people are asking for things that have changed your life and way of thinking.

"How they treat others is how they'll treat you one day."

Said to me by my Mum when I was a kid, absolutely over the moon that the school bully had chosen me to be her new best friend.
Once we got to high school, she spread malicious rumours about me and bullied me to the point that I became depressed.
I learned a lot from that.

I also think this, and have usually found it to be correct.

Why do people feel the need to come onto these threads with their but, but, buts. If believing something helps a person deal with disappointment and comforts them then that is a good thing - there is no need to try and burst their bubble.

Jeez.

I think this is false though.

im great at big picture strategic stuff and rubbish at low grade admin.

some people are the opposite

Thank you @Pommersy - this reframing is so helpful. Today a thing happened that has been playing on my mind so much - I reversed into our fence post and scraped our nearly-new car - because I was distracted and stressed with 3 children in the car and my toddler had started crying about something - and I feel terribly anxious about it. Reframing is helping a lot. I get to sort out a handyman without hassle because I have a good relationship with my neighbour . I get to drive a nice car. I get to fix it without this meaning our budget is blown for essentials. I get to book activities for the children and take them out for them. I get to drive 3 children around and many people would give everything to be in my position. I get to WFH 3 days a week and can therefore make personal calls to the garage easier on Monday. I get to have my oldest son describing this as a “good day” because of the things he got to do. I get to worry about this and put the worry in its box rather than worrying about bigger worse things.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was by a friend’s father who told me the most important thing in a partner was kindness. You can work through loads of other things but not if they’re not kind.

Nice, I like this one.

@Secondsop
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was by a friend’s father who told me the most important thing in a partner was kindness. You can work through loads of other things but not if they’re not kind.

This is very good advice. Trouble is no one young will listen to it. We all work it out on our own probably 20 years too late!

“If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.”

Never be the other woman and think you’re safe because they'll be different with you.

This has come up a few times in life by different people in my younger years.

“You are not better than anyone. Nobody is better than you.”

It’s a humbling statement that reminds me that we are all people regardless. I shouldn’t feel intimidated by anyone and at the same time I have strengths that are just as relevant as the next persons.

An old Chinese proverb.
The one who asks a question is a fool for 5 minutes.
The one who never asks a question is a fool for ever.

@Secondsop this makes me feel so happy than you for posting this. You sound like a wonderful mum with a lovely family. It’s so normal to get stressed over situations like you describe and also bored carrying out repetitive chores. I love that you are aware how blessed you are. Your life sounds so busy and it’s no wonder you get distracted sometimes, especially with a toddler too! There will be lots more good days for you and your family x

I’ve read the whole thread - there are so many good ones I’m going to take on board. I have a couple to add:

M grandad always used to say to me ‘count your many blessings one by one’ which helps me to focus on all the good things in my life when I’m feeling down and realise how lucky I am.

‘The secret of getting ahead is getting started.’ Apparently said by Mark Twain. I’m a big procrastinator so I find this useful.

I have always been a terrible procrastinator and have beaten myself up about this for years, but recently I’ve come to realise this is just the way I work - I’m better under pressure - and so I’ve reframed the way I think about this tendency: I don’t procrastinate, I operate on a ‘just-in-time’ basis, which, I understand is how logistics companies work. So I’m actually being as an efficient as I can be, not just putting things off for the sake of it.

From my Gran- marry a Man who loves you more than you love them.

also the whole if you worry about something out of your control, you’ll go through it twice- this is my biggest one and really sticks with me when i’m over worrying over something that I potentially have no control over

I love the lyrics to the Baz Lehrman song ‘Wear Sunscreen’ especially the following

Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying
Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum
The real troubles in your life
Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday

I love this too! Also: "you are not as fat as you imagine" and:

"Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults"

Love that whole song!

My mum dropped me off in the school playground for the first time. Said, you are not going to like everyone & not everyone is going to like you but don't worry about it, it's just life but always be polite to those you don't like. I built so much personal resilience up on the back of this, forever grateful to her.

My mum, absolutely years ago:
Never go out with a man whose car is worth more than his house