AIBU to consider a massive pay cut?

[SisterA]

I currently earn £70k in a role with no management or budget responsibility but it’s high risk work and my output can have a direct impact on the whole organisation. I work in an industry that just has a lot of money.

I’m miserable. Feel out of my depth all the time which is mentally draining and part of that is because I just don’t find the work interesting. I have no interest or passion in this field.

I’ve been offered a role doing something totally different but something. I’ve always wanted to do (term time position) but it’s a massive pay cut (50%). My husband earns well also but not as much as me and we have 2 young children. One will be starting school this year but we will obviously have wrap around care to consider and the other still in nursery for another 3.5 years. His funded hours will kick in next year.

my husband is dead against taking this job and is adamant we won’t survive. We do have some debt but it’s not outrageous. I think the term time working will be a bonus as we won’t have to think about holidays in future. We might accrue some new debt but I think we can balance it and be super frugal until funded hours are in next year when things will become much more manageable.

would you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job. AIBU for seriously considering this offer or do I need to just continue to be unhappy for another few years until we are more financially stable?

I wouldn't personally but different priorities for different people.

If you take a job which your husband has already said thinks is to the detriment of family finances, will mean you accrue even more debt (and therefore stress), and will put a lot of additional pressure on him to provide, you’re just going to be swapping misery at work for misery in your marriage. There needs to be compromise: there must be other jobs out there which are an improvement on your current one but which won’t have such a pay cut. What do you do currently? Your current industry might be specific but there are few completely non-transferable roles.

If your husband doesn't back you you're in for a tough time if you take this job. Every financial woe would be laid on you, which is unfair but a distinct possibility from what you have said.It may make more sense to clear your debt before cutting your salary.

Usually I would say money isn't everything... but in this case I agree with PP. If your husband isn't supportive of you making the change, I don't think you should do it. He will resent you for ignoring his wishes, and he will resent you even more every time "living super frugally" bites, which it absolutely will.

What's the job? Is it actually in a school?

When you say he is earning less, do you mean he's on about £50k? Because if so, £85k is a massive joint salary outside of London and still should be manageable in. It feels a shame to me that he would prioritise money over your wellbeing unless it was actually a case of being on the breadline. If you carry on, surely you will resent him for forcing you to stay as much as he might resent you for taking the salary cut? Is there a happy medium where you take a smaller salary cut for less stress?

What's the pay cut? £100k wages to £50k with £250k debt? Or £50k to £25k with £5 debt?

Have you totted up the cost of the childcare required to cover school holidays? What offset does that create in the pay cut?

For example, I took a £11k paycut to my job, but I'm saving approx £8k a year in parking, fuel and tolls on the previous commute, plus I don't have to pay for dog sitting, and no longer spank £50/week on lunches and random crap in the city centre. So it hugely offsets the pay cut for me and I absolutely adore my job.

@SisterAwould you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job.

Err, neither! I'd discuss it with my husband, do a detailed budget to show if we could afford it, consider childcare costs and what we'd save, consider hassle saved in covering all the school holidays for 2 kids for next 15 years. After tax, NI, pension etc you won't be 50% worse off too.

I'm really sorry to vote YABU - it's the children factor. They're going to get more expensive, you don't know what the future holds and you have a little debt already.

Plus your husband isn't on board which opens the gateway for arguments over finances in the future. I think for the family unit it's better to stay put. 😔

Could you wait until funded hours are in next year? To be honest, people live to their means so if you take a 50% cut then other things would also have to be cut, which is in my opinion, doable. Also, you'll only be working term time so no child care costs during bank holidays, summer holiday and Christmas holiday which can all add up massively. Is £70K worth the misery, could you afford to take that cut and if £70K isn't worth the misery and you can afford to take the cut I'd say, you get one life, no one knows when their time is up, take a leap of faith and don't look back, good luck X

How did the current debt accrue? If through general living, I think dropping your salary by 35k isn't going to work. If it was a one off thing, it might be possible.

Just factor in TTO doesn't always have the same holidays as the kids (and will nursery switch to a TTO contract?).
I'm at home this week while my kids are at school. Next week I'm working, and the kids are off. We get similar at Easter.

We had discussed waiting until funded hours next year and possibly retraining then but he wasn’t that supportive of that either. He’d prefer to wait a few years for that after funded hours are in because there would be a potential year of no income from me. It’s not a new interest I’ve been trying to work this into the plans for years and the time has never seemed right.

his lack of support for thinking about it next year makes me feel like it’ll never be the right time. This would be a sooner pay cut but not the year of no salary. We wouldn’t be going from £80k to £20k it would be about £122 down to £90k as a joint family income. I do believe there are savings we can make but I don’t think he can see past the estimated take home figures.

the risk of waiting for next year is this role won’t be available and the option would be having to retrain with a degree instead of on the job in which case I’d have to wait longer.

I currently work in STEM. There are transferable skills but I want to transfer them into something I’m actually interested in doing. I know it probably isn’t the right time. Just wish it was.

If this was you husband asking this, what would be your response ?.

I'd make the move if you can still cover your outgoings (collectively with your DH's wage). Life is too short to be stressed and miserable at work.

Of course if it were him I’d be encouraging and would help go through our finances to see where we could make changes and doing everything I can to support him. This is probably why it hurts so much he’s been so dismissive.

Sorry, I'm an idiot on your wages, it's in your first line 😂

However, still do the maths. Childcare, commuting, any other costs that will change if you were to accept the offer - you might be surprised, and so might your husband.

Have you worked out what your take home pay would be? i.e. would it actually be a 50% drop?

You definitely need to work through the implications of this change to see if you can make it work financially, as it does sound as if there are other advantages to you of making the move.

Did you not realise or think through the implications of this when you applied for the job? It seems a bit late for you/your DH to be reconsidering it now! Also, is there any scope for negotiation with the new position?

Like your DH I think I'd be concerned about being able to live on the newer salary especially if you have some debt.

So I'm sorry but I also also voted YABU as there are too many other issues to be worked through before you can actually make this decision.

I would present it as a budget of what the differences would be and what you would save and so he can clearly see the impacts

I feel like we would struggle to cut income similar to your household income because of our mortgage but surely it depends on your outgoings. Having said that my DP took redundancy a few years back and paying nursery then was awful (his paycut was to less than a third of previous though) but it was worth it for him to be in a better and more stable industry and happier at work

Generally I think life is too short to be that unhappy at work

Time for a spreadsheet!

that drop in income would save you ALOT of tax … you’re not losing £30k it’s more like 10.

price up child care in school holidays. …. You’ve probably not far off found your saving !!

Plus your pension contributions would drop. You could always cut these (but lose the ERs contributions) if you really need to for a few years.

I wouldn’t put a price on happiness, but check the numbers to make sure you aren’t moving to a harder miserable.

I'd take the new job.
You'd save on childcare during the holidays and it probably won't be that much of a cut after tax/ni/pension has gone out.
Life's too short to be miserable

Time for a spreadsheet & full breakdown of potential cost savings (childcare in school holidays) vs loss of income. On paper me & my husband earn less now I’m self employed but we’re actually better off financially due to childcare costs, my travel/petrol & parking costs of working in Manchester City centre (couldn’t manage pick & drop off getting the train & husbands hours means it’s on me). It could mean it’s not as big a drop as your husband fears & until you work it all out you won’t know what the actual impact will be

You “might” accrue new debt but you “think” you can balance it. The onus is on you to do a detailed budget to show the actual impact to household finances of changing your job. It’s a big decision to make and I’d want to know exactly how it was would work and the level of cut backs you’d need to make.

Are there clear pay progressions and opportunities in the new role?

I don't think either of you is unreasonable in a way but you need to talk more in detail. It's probably about a 2k a month drop between you - that's a real lifestyle change in the expensive years especially if you are not fully stable yet and have outstanding debt. But not being happy in your job is also miserable. Does the new job have earnings progression potential?

I agree that joint spreadsheets and really going through finances is a plan, and trying to communicate without rancour or blame would be key. With good budgeting you might find you can get things down quite a bit anyway. But don't underestimate the misery that financial stress brings. You need to discuss the life you want together long term and the trade offs you are both prepared to get there.

Good luck!

Assuming there are prospects in the new job to move up and progress, I'd take it.

Not having to cover school holidays is such a huge bonus. You could easily pay 80 a day to cover it with two children so it would easily save you a few thousand and also a big headache.

90k is still a good household income.

You may be eligible for some child allowance.

Life isn't just about money.

My husband had a well paid job that was making him so miserable it was making him ill. He left and took a more than 50% pay cut. He is now happy and at home at a reasonable time and with us during the school holidays. We had to tighten our belts but happiness trumps cash every time. Your husband needs to think about happiness. If he is so worried about finances let him get a better paid job.