AIBU to consider a massive pay cut?

[SisterA]

I currently earn £70k in a role with no management or budget responsibility but it’s high risk work and my output can have a direct impact on the whole organisation. I work in an industry that just has a lot of money.

I’m miserable. Feel out of my depth all the time which is mentally draining and part of that is because I just don’t find the work interesting. I have no interest or passion in this field.

I’ve been offered a role doing something totally different but something. I’ve always wanted to do (term time position) but it’s a massive pay cut (50%). My husband earns well also but not as much as me and we have 2 young children. One will be starting school this year but we will obviously have wrap around care to consider and the other still in nursery for another 3.5 years. His funded hours will kick in next year.

my husband is dead against taking this job and is adamant we won’t survive. We do have some debt but it’s not outrageous. I think the term time working will be a bonus as we won’t have to think about holidays in future. We might accrue some new debt but I think we can balance it and be super frugal until funded hours are in next year when things will become much more manageable.

would you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job. AIBU for seriously considering this offer or do I need to just continue to be unhappy for another few years until we are more financially stable?

The headline figures are not helpful here, because they are hiding a whole lot of other stuff, so the fact you are a higher rate tax payer, so are losing a whole lot of tax which you would not be at 35k, the fact you could then apply for child benefit which for two is £150 a month (if he's at 55k this should be ok but you might need to check), savings on holiday clubs, savings/spending on commuting (depending on new location) and so on. Childcare needs might also be different.

I would not be happy if my husband just said no without a) doing this financial investigation to see what the actual drop is, it may be far less than it initially appears and b) didn't consider my happiness and life goals whatsoever, as if living is just about earning 90 or 120k as if that's a good life.

Having a fulfilling career is one of the best things in my life, and not having one/feeling frustrated is the source of discontent of probably 50% or more of my female friends, either trapped in ones they don't like by money or not having one at all or doing unfulfilling jobs. This is not a trivial issue, IMO.

Is there a middle ground somewhere?

Is there an alternative job you could look for without the level of pay cut?

If your new job will mean you’re earning the same as him then he has no keg to stand on.

Maybe he should find a better paid job if he wants the additional income.

It's all very well people saying that household income of 90k is great, but if essential outgoings like your mortgage were taken on based on an income of 120k, then you're going to struggle. And it will have a long term impact on your pension and therefore possibly affect when you retire. What about the effect on what you can provide for your children in terms of affording extracurricular activities, university costs etc etc?

I can see a lot of people saying he should have at least sat down first to look at finances to see if this is doable, OP has said they already have some debt, and is open about the fact that they will probably acquire more if OP takes the lower paid job. If you are in debt with a combined household income of 120k then it’s quite obvious that dropping to 90k is NOT doable financially, you can’t budget your way around a 30k annual drop in income unless you’re going to significantly downsize your house and probably hand off a couple of your children and a car etc. That is way beyond shopping at aldi and cutting back on takeaways.

In a family it is about the unit, what does the unit need, now is obviously not the time.

In your position I'd think about why you're in debt, was it planned stuff like a new kitchen, or are you overspending? I'd not be keen to get in to more debt. Would being term time only actually save you any money, would you change the kids nursery to term time only and mind them yourself in the holidays?

Sorry I think YABU.

It's very risky taking that level of pay cut and who knows what the new role would be like. You may just be replacing one set of worries and frustrations with another at work with the added pleasure of growing debt, living "super frugally" (who wants to live like that) and a DH who feels resentful.

In your position I would either take a step back at how you are viewing your job (sometimes helpful to see it as working to live and not living to work), look for another job with a similar salary, or look to reducing hours temporarily for a set time as this would give you more time at home and perhaps a bit of perspective.

£90k is livable! What are your out goings?

The less you get paid, the less taxes go out esp if you drop below the 20% tax band.

I am working part time, we make it work. Your H is being selfish. We both had career changes (not at same time) and both supported each other during those hard times.

Oh, the other option is to go part time, you still work but it doesn't consume your life.

Are you not in England?

20% is the basic rate of tax. To pay less than that, you’d have to be earning £12500 or less.

It’s also really incorrect about a lower wage being better because you pay less tax. You are always better off for being on a higher wage because you only pay the higher tax % on the higher amount.

Also whether 90k is livable depends entirely where you live & lifestyle. Living with school age kids in a 180k house, yes, but living with paid childcare at 2.5/3k a month and a 450k house, probably not.

I have a friend who had a similar situation. We all knew how much she hated her job, were excited when she got offered something she really wanted to do but her husband had a fit and put his foot down. She told me years later that listening to him was the worse thing she ever did. I bet if it was the other way around, he would not stick with something he hated.

You need to spreadsheet it, do the math and see how you fair. It might work out the same , you could be better off or worse off but until you properly do the numbers you won't know. If you're no worse off your husband doesn't have anything to object to

Don’t be miserable. Life is too short.

No you wouldn’t. I can’t believe you are even considering this when you have small children and debts. It’s selfish and naive.

We did this years ago. DH wanted to change career, his salary had already fallen behind and he took a drop. We were so short of money that he also took a Saturday job (he could earn more than me). We had a few tough years but it proved worth it in the end. My parents were very upset that he left a secure job but we decided his mental health was more important. But we were short of money - we did nothing to the house, had no holidays and couldn’t always afford to repair the car.

If someone was on here stressing about whether they could afford to TTC on an income of 90k they'd be told to go for it, not risk their fertility, and they'll make it work financially because they'll just have to. I think the same advice might apply the other way, BUT OP has to do the sums. If it's genuinely unaffordable, it's a no-go. But I'd be surprised if the childcare cost and term time, time savings don't offset it. It's not necessarily selfish or naive.

I think you'd be mad to take a 50% pay cut based on what you've described, especially in the current economic conditions (inflation, recession, etc)

Perhaps looking to be better at and more confident in your current job should be your focus instead ... for your family's sake and benefit.

I'd carry on in the current job and save save save everything you can (act as if you're on the reduced salary and bank the excess) pay off any debt and then consider what to do once your debt is clear. I think if you are debt free and you have proved that you can live on that reduced amount then your husband has less argument about why you both need to earn so much.

Being around for your children is a wonderful thing. I took a pay cut and changed role for my mental health and the good of the family. But I didn't have debt and our outgoings are low, so it's different.

"Enough is as good as a feast" is the mantra I always think of when I'm considering financial issues. If you can get by on less, then do it.

I would never ever ask my husband to stay in a job he hated. Even if it meant we lived on the breadline every single month. I couldn’t want for him to be unhappy.

this is so foreign to me to think he’s saying not go for your dreams really.

I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even ask or consider it. If you multiply the loss of earnings (including pension) over your entire working life, the amounts will be astonomical.

Particularly if you have debt. Why are you in debt and if so, what is your plan for getting out it? Will this not put you in greater debt and/or you end up paying more interest on your existing debt?

It depends what you mean by living frugally. Is that no holidays and no treats or is that being at the point where there’s a gap between the kids needing new shoes and you being able to get them new shoes?

If frugally only means no luxury then take the pay cut, do something you don’t hate and see your kids more. Your husband should want to see you and the kids happy.

As others have asked: how did the debt come about? Because if it wasn’t planned then that’s big a red flag for being unable to live frugally!

This won't end well without full buy in especially since no one really wants to decrease their standard of living. Sounds like your husband wants to keep pushing career and finance wise and expects you to do the same, whereas you're thinking of going term time as its getting too much already.
A 50% pay cut sounds pretty extreme especially without firm numbers to show how you'll continue to live at least as well as you do currently. Also career switching is a gamble since its moving from the known to unknown with unknown problems. All jobs have some shit aspects.
You would have to show him the benefits to his life with this decision as it sounds like he'll need to pick up the shortfall and he doesn't want to.

you’ve already got debt on with your current income
I think you need to clear debt then save the amount you would lose as see how you get by on the reduced income
the thing is your choice impacts 4 people but only benefits 1

Personally I could never. Just because you never know what will happen, what if you get a divorce in the future?? could you live nicely on your own salary if you changed jobs?
and less wage means less pension right

Those saying "life is too short to be unhappy", I get what you're saying but OP and her DH are already in debt. She has said that taking this new job will likely lead to further debt, even if they live very frugally. I don't think her DH is necessarily being "selfish" for not wanting them to get deeper in debt.

The main breadwinner taking a 50% pay cut, when they are already in debt and have two young children is a risky move and not to be taken lightly. I would be willing to bet that at least some of the posters cheering OP on would be pretty concerned if their DP's came home and said they wanted to take a 50% pay cut, and they thought it would probably be ok but they hadn't actually run the numbers properly.

OP, are you planning to leave your job to go into teaching? If so, do you have any experience working in schools, even on a volunteer basis? A significant number of ECT's quit the profession in their first year. It may be that your DH is worried about risking your families financial security for something that might not work out.

I think people are saying that you earning over the 40% threshold so it’s not as easy as halving your gross equals halving your net.

having said this I can’t give advice as I have no idea how much debt you are in OP.