AIBU to consider a massive pay cut?

[SisterA]

I currently earn £70k in a role with no management or budget responsibility but it’s high risk work and my output can have a direct impact on the whole organisation. I work in an industry that just has a lot of money.

I’m miserable. Feel out of my depth all the time which is mentally draining and part of that is because I just don’t find the work interesting. I have no interest or passion in this field.

I’ve been offered a role doing something totally different but something. I’ve always wanted to do (term time position) but it’s a massive pay cut (50%). My husband earns well also but not as much as me and we have 2 young children. One will be starting school this year but we will obviously have wrap around care to consider and the other still in nursery for another 3.5 years. His funded hours will kick in next year.

my husband is dead against taking this job and is adamant we won’t survive. We do have some debt but it’s not outrageous. I think the term time working will be a bonus as we won’t have to think about holidays in future. We might accrue some new debt but I think we can balance it and be super frugal until funded hours are in next year when things will become much more manageable.

would you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job. AIBU for seriously considering this offer or do I need to just continue to be unhappy for another few years until we are more financially stable?

You have debt on your current salary and expensive childcare in the immediate future. Maybe there is more complexity here than you’ve posted, but on the face of it, cutting your income significantly would be pretty foolish if you can avoid it.

You have a husband who cannot match your income. This is a set up which will always be bringing tension because he has it so easy now. Sorry, not wanting to be judgemental to him. He should be happy that you trust him to take on a pay cut and him to prove himself but is it so?

35k is still above average and you won't have to pay for holidays.

And 90k is top 10% or something silly. So he's being ridiculous tbh.

And finally if he pays pension contributions surely you can claim child benefit in full again.

Beat me to it!

I totally get your husbands apprehension about accruing debt & not wanting to lose a big chunk of family income, but not his dismissive attitude. You need to talk this through properly because leaving you miserable in a high paying job is unfair.

My DH had a mini breakdown & announced he was jacking it all in to be a SAHP. I was shitting myself as he's by far the breadwinner, but we sat down & worked out a plan (sell up & move to cheaper area/ I would go FT etc.
...Turned out he felt better quite quickly, quite liked his house & lifestyle & so didn't give up work (thank fuck, it would have been squeaky) but above all I hope he felt supported & his mental health was the primary concern, not cars & a big house.

You need to sit down with a proper spreadsheet of predicted income & all your existing& potential outgoings and make an informed decision together.

Is there a middle ground? A different job but one that doesn't require such a drastic cut?

Or coaching/mentoring at work to reduce your stress and imposter syndrome?

You need to sit down and work out exactly the impact on your household budget as it may not make that much difference when considering tax implications. You can also claim child benefit if you are both earning less than £50k (even if he is slightly over that you will still be entitled to some).

It sounds like you are more upset about your husband’s general lack of support in your change of career… there will never be a perfect time but you should be able to sit down and work out together whether it’s a financially viable option - and if it is he should be supporting you. If it means getting into more debt though I can understand why he would feel uncomfortable with it.

Your situation sounds a little bit similar to my situation last year. I was seconded to a higher paid job for the year with the expectation that I would likely continue in the role once the secondment was over. I felt over worked, overwhelmed and miserable. I was crying most evenings. At the end of the secondment, I hot footed back to my old job. It was a £15k pay cut but now I'm back working term time hours, feel valued and have the time to do the job properly. The difference is that my husband has been very supportive of this, having witnessed me getting pretty low and upset whilst in the seconded role. I think however I would have had to switch with or without his support, it just wasn't worth the toll on my mental health. You are earning a good wage in both roles, significantly more than our household wage to be honest. If you can make the finances work, I would really consider it. Being happy is priceless

Like what the others have said, do up the budget and see whether the paycut is really feasible.
Meanwhile, perhaps you could find a way to adjust your mindset towards your job. Eg countdown to your planned resignation in 2 or 3 years. Sometimes realising that a situation is finite gives you hope and makes you feel better about the current arrangement, even though nothing has changed materially. Also, since you're going to quit in the foreseeable future, you may also feel more dissociated from your job and less stressed about your work impacting the whole organisation. Work is just a tool to make money. Make time to do interesting things that make you happy or excited, eg start networking or volunteering to prepare for your next gig.

The offset in savings you would make on tax and childcare in the holidays may well mean that you're looking at far less of a reduction in wages than your husband fears. Agree with the idea of doing a spreadsheet and effectively doing a means-test (income vs outgoings, including where you can make any savings) of your financial situation. Not only is life too short to spend it doing a job you hate if there are other feasible options on the table, but also you may end up resenting him because he cost you your opportunity for your dream job.

Would be a no from me. My salary allows me to have the lifestyle I currently have and that’s important to me.

I earn similar to you, in a job similar to you in that I’m on £75k and no managerial responsibilities. It’s a bit dull at times but it pays well and has good benefits and good hours which keeps me there.

What stood out to me is that you have debts on your current salaries. A significant cut to that would surely squeeze you even more?

YABU - It doesn't seem like the right time to be taking a big pay cut.
But work out the difference in your bottom line, i.e. take into account the tax and see what the net change is.
The problem is if you do this without his support, it's going to be held against you whenever money is tight.

Do you have a clear understanding of all the finances in the house or does your DH do that? I manage all the money in our house down to the last £, pension planning, the lot. If one of us were to take a pay cut it would be me that would work out that implications and I'd be pretty annoyed if I told DH we wouldn't afford it and he did it anyway.

You need to do the sums properly. What would be the difference in take home. Would your child benefit entitlement change? What would be the impact on other costs? Commute? Childcare both short and longer term cost?

Would the new role offer any scope for progression and is there any room to negotiate the salary even a little? Are there any other benefits you would gain or lose? Pensions / healthcare / car?

Then do a very clear budget, make it realistic and build in space for some unexpected costs, foreseeable things like any remortgage that might mean a rate change etc. and a little bit for general cost of living rises.

If it's workable then you can show your DH you have a plan.

If not then you need a new plan, staying in a job you are miserable and stressed in is no good. We spend a lot of time at work it needs to be at least tolerable. So, is there a different job you could look at? Is there a different job DH would consider to give you more wiggle room? You should be working together on it.

Someone needs to work out the details.

Sounds like you'd be entitled to child benefit, remember to take that into account as well as the savings in childcare.

If he's decided you can't afford it without actually doing the sums, I'd be a bit disappointed.

Agree with pp that you need to make (and keep to) a REALISTIC budget. Can you live for a while on what your new salary would be to give your DH confidence?

The debt also worries me, if you managed to to accrue debt on a 120k salary, you need to be able to make sure it isn't going to get worse on 90k. You don't mention how the debt came about, but you may need to do a significant long term mental shift, are you sure this new job is worth it?

Do you have a decent savings buffer (at least 3months earnings)? If not, your budget also needs to consider how you'll save.

would There be potential for a pay increase in the new role if you took it

How do you know you would love this new career

I have 2 friends who did career changes in the last few years, they moved into jobs that they thought they would love….they both hate their new careers, one has already left and the other is considering leaving

Devil’s advocate: what happens if you take the new job with associated paycut… and the grass isn’t greener on the happiness front? What would you do then?

Is your husbands concern perhaps not just about the financial implications?

Although you using the term phrase “super frugal” implies this really would negatively impact your quality of life in other ways.

Personally I’d stick in the current role, clear the debt and get some decent savings behind you as a buffer before I’d go chopping my salary in half. And yes I’d be utterly pissed off if my OH was thinking of doing this.

Oh and when you sit down and budget as PP have said, factor in whether your drop in salary would affect your ability to remortgage if you need to.

Your husband thinks you can't 'survive' on 90K?
Take the job you want to do.............

In today’s climate I wouldn’t. But you need your partners backing either way.