AIBU to consider a massive pay cut?

[SisterA]

I currently earn £70k in a role with no management or budget responsibility but it’s high risk work and my output can have a direct impact on the whole organisation. I work in an industry that just has a lot of money.

I’m miserable. Feel out of my depth all the time which is mentally draining and part of that is because I just don’t find the work interesting. I have no interest or passion in this field.

I’ve been offered a role doing something totally different but something. I’ve always wanted to do (term time position) but it’s a massive pay cut (50%). My husband earns well also but not as much as me and we have 2 young children. One will be starting school this year but we will obviously have wrap around care to consider and the other still in nursery for another 3.5 years. His funded hours will kick in next year.

my husband is dead against taking this job and is adamant we won’t survive. We do have some debt but it’s not outrageous. I think the term time working will be a bonus as we won’t have to think about holidays in future. We might accrue some new debt but I think we can balance it and be super frugal until funded hours are in next year when things will become much more manageable.

would you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job. AIBU for seriously considering this offer or do I need to just continue to be unhappy for another few years until we are more financially stable?

No, if you're going to acrue more debt of course this is not a good idea. Stick it out for longer, until all you debts are paid off.

All those posters arguing OP would be happier - is it not more stressful to accrue more debt, be able to afford less and constantly worry about money? Sometimes you have to suck it up for a bit to pay the bills, mortgage and provide for the kids!

have you seen all the recent posts of women worried about money, rising costs, rising mortgage and who can’t make pension payments?

Write down a detailed list of what things truly cost and what you spend, areas to save. Eg can you do nursery term time only? If not you could look at a childminder instead? I know lots who take term time only kids as there are always lots of parents who need help in school hols so they can make up their money then. School holiday clubs add up in cost and may not cover your whole day at work so you may need wrap around cover for those as well as term time. Less tax to pay etc. etc I’ve been miserable in a job and it was awful, life is too short but as others have said make sure you aren’t swopping 1 type of miserable for another, it’s easy to think money doesn’t matter but if you end up further in debt, struggling then that will affect your happiness as well. That salary to me is huge but I don’t know your personal situation/ehere you live etc

I’d divorce him. Happiness is far more important than money. You will always work it out, even if it’s a rough ride getting there. My husband used to be in a really high earning job and hated it. I told him over and over to quit. He finally listened to me and although he’s earning a lot less than he was he is so much happier which means we are happier as a result. It was difficult to begin with, but you manage and it works itself out in the end.

I'm guessing you're looking at some kind of teacher training on unqualified rate initially? If you have a STEM back ground, these opportunities will come up again and again. The new apprenticeships will make that easier and schools will get paid to train you, if you are secondary STEM.
However, it is a very demanding 1st year and tough to do with a tiny child.
I'd spend a year living on the income you will have, thereby getting rid of your debt, then make the move.

This is good advice.
if you weigh up the tax aspect and the childcare costs that you'd save due to working term time it might be less of a drop in income than you think and if you cut back in other areas it could be doable.
Depends on where you live and circumstances but we live in the North and manage on a combined income of half of what your husband is on.

I don’t think my children would be “happier” if I worked term time only - of course children who have parents who work in the holidays can be just as happy as those who have 1 or 2 parents around in the holidays

I think children prefer to be in their own home over the school holidays with a parent than getting up 8am to get to holiday club. So I would disagree with this. It's nice for them to be able to switch off from the daily grind. Unless you have grandparents to hand which of course helps. What is your plan for school hols once they are both in school?

I also think you're on a really high family income & have got used to that. Your joint income with your preferred job would still be considered high by most people.

Yeah as others have said don’t compare 70 to 35 - that makes it sound massive but actually isn’t the case.

at 70 you are probably getting around 40,800 per year when tax taken away? At 35 you’d be getting about £26,500 so a reduction of £14k.

so factor in all your savings on childcare and the funded hours - plus you can probably get a few £k child benefit when you’ve dropped under £50k - would you also be saving any transport or others costs?

would your salary go up from £35 any time soon - eg if you’re going to be a teacher you can take on extra duties for more money

can you consider any other ways of shifting money for a couple of years like taking an extra mortgage to pay childcare and then paying back a much smaller amount per month but over the life of the mortgage? Or putting your debt into interest free credit cards?

I would say as with anything in life, where there’s a will there’s a way but you just have to convince your husband to have a will

You only have one life... donit if it makes you happy. The rest will follow. No childcare costs in school hols that's bonus no.1

Is a bonus paid if you have resigned and are working notice?

I totally agree, I was in the same situation with my family, I became emotionally and physically exhausted so took a huge pay cut and left my job, it was a struggle for a while but we soon started to live within our means again. I was becoming resentful to my partner before I left my job so it’s a very difficult situation to be in.

OP, it is so refreshing that you have come to the decision that you have. You have put your family's needs above your own. So rarely you read about stoicism and duty. I can tell you your family will benefit from this in the long run. We cannot all love our jobs all the time and sometimes, it is just putting up with less than ideal situations until the time is better.

It is good discipline to get your finances in a healthier state before making big career moves. And glad that you are grown up enough to see that your dc will not be happier if you only worked term time. Mine are teenagers now and I don't think they could tell you what they did during school holidays when they were little. They will thank you for having solid finances going into university. Your decision will reap time compounded dividends.

And BTW, having a high paying job without managerial responsibilities is an absolute dream. Cling on to that for as long as you can.

I gave up my £70k job recently to retrain as a nurse. I did it to protect my mental health, managing staff, managing budgets, over 100 emails per day.
Although the money situation is a bit of a worry, (I have a £220k mortgage) I am so, so much happier and at peace with myself.
You can't put a price on your mental wellbeing

This is what really shocks me in a country like the UK. People turning down good salaries because they are “miserable” at work. Do you think being a waiter or shop assistant for £25k pa is not miserable? Do you think in the new job you will be happy all the time? There will be stress and frustration anyway. But by cutting your income you are also limiting opportunities for your kids and living with the stress to have debts and not been able to cover monthly expenses. Only people who have grown up like that can understand the kind of stress of being a kid in a poor household where money is always short, you can’t afford anything and any little hiccup (car breaking down, washing machine breaking down) means having to cut even more. This is the real stress and as a kid is awful. Grow up and learn to deal with your high pay job stress and misery so your kids can have better opportunities and not having to feel the stress of living frugally.

Sit down with a spreadsheet and work it out with real numbers. List all your actual outgoings and what you can cut back on? numbers speak volumes on whether you can actually afford it or not.
Getting into debt would not be an option for me personally but each to their own.
I’m ‘stuck’ in my job for another few years because of the security and flexible working it offers but have a plan to look elsewhere when the kids are at school. Sometimes the opportunities come up but it’s just not the right time yet. Yes it’s important to be happy at work but family is more important and another opportunity will come up elsewhere when the time is right. Everything happens for a reason.

Hmm. So you've already decided not to take the job? Without a spreadsheet and a full analysis of the effects on all of you?

How old are your kids. Yes childcare costs matter a lot, but that's only for a short time, before you knie it they're in nursery, then primary school. Won't you want the higher income then?

YABU because you have debt. You need to get your heads down pay it off and build up some savings.

But op will have a 90k household income after the drop. Which is only about a 12k reduction when tax and child benefit are taken into account. Prob less than 10k when tt only childcare taken into account.

Are you saying 90k, over top 10% household income, is poor?
Are you saying all teachers, nurses, junior Dr's etc don't care and are poor because their household income in highly unlikely to exceed 60-70k ever? Which is still above average?

I’d sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Maybe work out what budget would look like on new pay and as others have suggested highlight potential savings or ways to cut expenses. If he’s still not on board I’d ask him to compromise on the waiting years and see what you can agree on. Money isn’t everything but financial hardship if you’ve been used to a high standard of living could cause other stressors. Good luck with it all. I think it’s so difficult as women trying to be everything to everyone all the time x

We both did this- I took a pay cut and was more or less earning nothing for a few years, then my husband quit his horrible but reasonably paying job and took a 25% pay cut. We had to move to a much cheaper area to make it work. Then shortly after, I got promoted and then promoted again, and now we've got more money than we've ever had before. Our mental health will always be more valuable than money.

The only thing I'd caution against is that if this is in a school, especially teaching, you need to be aware that it's not family friendly and expect to be working 60+ hours a week.

You need to be happy in your job. Money isn't everything. Have a good look to see how you can cut down on expenses. Meal planning, clothes, take away etc. Good luck.

By the time you pay less tax which will be considerably less, no school holiday care and by next September 25, childcare will be funded, so you should surely break even. I say go for it x

Of course you’re being unreasonable. Clearing debt should come before thinking of reducing your income! After that, if you can afford it, go for gold!

I can understand your husbands concern. My thoughts would be, if you're already in debt on £120k between you, then how will you manage dropping £35k?

If you're in debt now, it's going to be worse when you've taken a 35k pay cut.