AIBU to consider a massive pay cut?

[SisterA]

I currently earn £70k in a role with no management or budget responsibility but it’s high risk work and my output can have a direct impact on the whole organisation. I work in an industry that just has a lot of money.

I’m miserable. Feel out of my depth all the time which is mentally draining and part of that is because I just don’t find the work interesting. I have no interest or passion in this field.

I’ve been offered a role doing something totally different but something. I’ve always wanted to do (term time position) but it’s a massive pay cut (50%). My husband earns well also but not as much as me and we have 2 young children. One will be starting school this year but we will obviously have wrap around care to consider and the other still in nursery for another 3.5 years. His funded hours will kick in next year.

my husband is dead against taking this job and is adamant we won’t survive. We do have some debt but it’s not outrageous. I think the term time working will be a bonus as we won’t have to think about holidays in future. We might accrue some new debt but I think we can balance it and be super frugal until funded hours are in next year when things will become much more manageable.

would you back down? Or would you insist on taking the job. AIBU for seriously considering this offer or do I need to just continue to be unhappy for another few years until we are more financially stable?

Do is a dick. What you said about salary and cuts isn't huge..m it's the difference between you being excited to work and you being miserable and it will mean you donr need childcare cus it's term only.
Is he jealous?

We have some residual maternity leave debt we are actively clearing. In the region of £5k. I’m due a large bonus (of course not 100% guaranteed but it is 99% a given in my company & industry) but definitely enough to clear it and get us back to zero. This is paid out end of April.

I have done the numbers and although it would be tight I do believe it’s doable but he’s got bigger ambitions that require some additional financial support which he won’t get from me if I were to change roles.

I do have experience in education; it’s been my most enjoyable aspect of my current job, getting the opportunity to support school pupils/uni students and new graduates by mentoring, giving presentations etc. I’ve always tried to keep up with my volunteering so I have some experience for whenever I can see an opportunity to get out of this industry.

I am away that this change would impact 4 people but I don’t think it would only benefit me. Just doesn’t feel like he can see past the drop in salary. He liked his job. So I don’t think he really gets it.

Ultimately the timing just isn’t right and I won’t be taking the role. Fingers crossed next time there’s an opportunity the timing works out :)

So...I did similar. I was mentally unwell and I knew my job was a major factor.

To summarise:
I'm happier and off antidepressants

The kids are happier

Dh was initially very happy to see me well and the family functioning much better. However he is now starting to resent the fact that the luxuries have been cut out of our lives. Having never argued about money we have now started to. Unless the cost of living improves or my wages improve I can see this becoming an issue in our marriage.

I do believe we will look back and know this was the right choice for our family but the everyday cutting back is hard. You really need an understanding dp.

I work PT in a job I enjoy making much less than my true earning capacity. Whist money is important, being happy in your occupation is equally so in terms of mental wellbeing. Take the leap.

Good update OP and yes, timing is everything.

A little way down the line with more financial security (no debt, a good bump of savings, bit more off the mortgage, bit more in the pension pot), you can still go for it. There will always be a need for teachers so I wouldn’t write this off as your only chance and it sounds like you’re building up some experience while you’re in your current role.

You mention your DH ambitions that require your support - hopefully these will lead to promotion/payrise for him so he can in turn support you.

Is it teaching you are looking at doing, OP? if so I would urge you to make sure the job in reality is how you are picturing it based on your experiences in allied roles. I am in a really supportive and proactive workload-managing school and love it BUT it is still tough and my school isn't typical in that regard, many aren't as considerate as mine. To the extent that I can't see me leaving this job as their attitude is so exceptional locally. Not having to worry about the holiday childcare is a real plus, we only have the odd day here and there that we don't match up so they just have a daddy day, but equally I won't be able to nip out and see my kids in their nativities and such. I missed dropping my daughter off for her first day in reception because I was welcoming other people's children into my own school. That is really tough (but then having the holidays together soon makes up for it).

It is a massive salary drop for you with little to no potential to get anywhere near your current salary in future. You've got to be really sure you want to do the actual job, not what you think the job is. Apologies if that sounds patronising but I've mentored many PGCE and NQT/ECT over the years and had the 'ita not what I thought it would be' conversation more than a few times.

Unless it's not actual teaching but I can't think of many non-teaching TTO jobs that pay £35k, I'd be keen to know of any, asking for a friend 🙂

Oh just read your update properly OP, sorry. Definitely don't give up on it, the time will be right in the future I'm sure.

I would be tempted to take the paycut. It would still be a decent salary and term time only with little ones would be amazing. I was lucky enough to not work in school holidays when mine were younger and it was brilliant. No worries or expense of childcare and able to spend quality time with them. I am so so glad I had that opportunity. Now my work doesn't allow that and even though they are teenagers I miss spending days in half term etc with them. If the current job is making you miserable and you have options either quit or maybe go part time. Also I am sure you are doing a great job. Don't fret about your competency though of course easier said than done. You can always take a cut now and move into a higher paid job later on. Nothing is fixed or permanant. x

If you're losing that salary because you're going into teaching, as you enjoy working with students- don't. You're currently getting to work with students interested in your subject. You won't have that luxury in a school.

I have a love/ hate relationship with my job. I fell into it, for lack of any other ideas, then got hooked on the salary and the high points. I do wish I'd been brave enough to pack it in after a couple of years though. Very envious of my higher earning friends who don't work endlessly.

Ultimately the timing just isn’t right and I won’t be taking the role. Fingers crossed next time there’s an opportunity the timing works out :)

OP, there will be other opportunities down the road. Almost guaranteed if teaching is what you want to do.

If your current job allows you to WFH, that is another reason not to give it up yet. Don't underestimate the luxury and flexibility of WFH with young dcs.

I meant to add, it is the right decision 💐

Tricky one. Honestly, I would probably try to struggle through on a hated job as the money is good. I am terrified of debt though and am always squirrelling money away in case of disaster/illness/job loss etc.

Does it have to be quite so extreme? Could you look at other jobs or a smaller pay cut? Halving your salary when you have DC who are only getting bigger and need more is not a choice I would actively make.

Do you have investments or anything or are you solely relying on salaries?

This!

You are on a very healthy income but still have debts you are unable to clear- reducing that income by £35k will mean the debt grows or at least doesn’t go away. Financial stress and worry shouldn’t be overlooked,this together with the added strain to your marriage would not make this a sensible option to me.
Your MH matters, but if you think the new job is the only option for your improved health then i think you need to reduce outgoings, and make some massive changes - think about a move to a smaller home/another area. There would need to be a significant drop in outgoings otherwise the resentment on quality of life, debt and pressure on others would be too great for this to work as you’d hoped.

I think that’s a fail on the ‘not wanting to be judgemental to him’ front. It’s 2024 not 1954, why would a man (who is earning £55k, not sitting on the sofa in his pants playing Call of Duty) need to ‘prove himself’ exactly?

Make a spreadsheet!

we did similar 8 years ago but it was hubbie who left his job being paid over £30k a year more than me. Part of that decision was around school runs and school holiday care.

we did a spreadsheet of all our outgoings and then our take home (and considered benefits … I was the one with company car and private health care so they weren’t impacted).

remember to look at it after tax and NI as remember over £50k you are paying 40% tax so the impact on salary is not as large as the impact on take home pay.

look at it now but also what it means for the future (work out what school holiday care would cost and include with and without nursery funding).

we found we could easily see where we could make changes to make it work … we just had to live within a different budget.

It was the best decision we made - hubbie was happier and I took the opportunity to progress my career and my earnings as he took on more of the home responsibilities we were previously splitting as he had more time.

In the current climate with current rising costs I think you’d be mental to take the cut and a bit selfish to if I’m honest. I can understand why your husband is against it, the impact would be significant.

it doesn’t really sound like you can afford to ( who could?!) and honestly there is more to being a good parent than being happy and around in the holidays I’m afraid. There is also finance stability and future planning.

you need to sit tight until you can afford the move without any financial stress.

90k joint income is great. Childcare is over 1/2 of my wages so I get it. I went part-time after DD1 so lost 40% of my salary. It’s not thought really is it. Once you take tax, pension, NI contributions into consideration drop isn’t AS big as it seems on paper.
Do a take home pay calculator. Also adding in the extra cost of childcare in the holidays. Would your nursery offer term time only contract for the youngest? Both of mine have had term time only contracts (because I ask) and it saves a fortune.
Wont your child get 15 hours this September?
Hopefully that will make a small dent.
Then 30 hours next September?

Is there a third option of a job move that doesn’t involve a 50% pay cut?

Are you giving up your dream in order to financially support your husband to fulfil his?

Hang on a second - what exactly do you mean by this?

I have done the numbers and although it would be tight I do believe it’s doable but he’s got bigger ambitions that require some additional financial support which he won’t get from me if I were to change roles.

What bigger ambitions are you talking about? What is it exactly your husband wants to do that requires this financial support?

I can understand his hesitance. Have you sat down & budgeted everything out very carefully, in terms of what your new monthly net incomes will be & what all of your essential expenditure (per month & annual one offs) is & how you will meet it from the reduced income?

Personally, I would also be thinking about whether we’d have enough leftover for savings for us & the kids & for pension contributions & for some enjoyable activities like family outings & an annual holiday, but that’s just me & you may be less fussed about that.

I’d also query how you know for certain that this new career is definitely the job for you & won’t end up leaving you feeling burnt out & miserable down the line too, but with significantly less money to help ease the burden of it all.

My FIL always wanted a more fulfilling & rewarding job than the high paying job he was in when his kids were younger - he used the high pay to build up a great pension & savings & then took early retirement & went into his ideal fantasy job at the end of his career. & he really loved it & thought he might stay on in it for 10 years or so, but then ultimately after about 3-4 years he decided he was done with it & didn’t want it to become his second career, as it would take the joy out of it, & he’s been happily retired ever since. I suppose I just mean that the new job might look very different in reality to how it does in your fantasy 🤷‍♀️

Also interested in this.
Do your wants always come second?

I think YANBU.... BUT dont go into teaching right now! Trust me and all the pps who have said the same on that.
But, clear your debts and financially do what you need to do (overpay mortgage etc) so you're not tied to this exact job much longer and make it very clear to your husband that you are the priority for training/career moves, not him. You hate your job, he doesn't.

Quite honestly I’m just annoyed at myself for getting so trapped into this industry. From a young age I’d always wanted to get into education but was always strongly encouraged by teachers and other trusted adults to do something different because I had good grades. I wasn’t confident back then to do what I really wanted & was fearful of disappointing other and I suppose now I have a better sense of self I am left wondering “what if”.

I have read every comment & I do appreciate the input. We’re finished having kids so we are going to work on saving up as much as possible and taking proper stock of what’s coming in/going out and in a few years once we feel more financially secure if this is still something I want to explore might be in a better place to consider something different with my working life.

At least if I’m unhappy in my work life it’s in a job with little managerial responsibility and good support & amazing benefits. I know this is a fortunate position to be in and I do plan on making the most of what I’ve got for the sake of my family and our lives. It’s not a bad place to be in.

I fee better having taken advice and talked it all through so thanks everyone :)

I haven't read the full thread but term time working when you have young children is worth it's weight in gold, they're only little once.

I voted YANBU. I hope you can change his mind 😊