MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

Most employers would allow people to take time off for any funeral, they may ask them to take annual leave or have it unpaid if not immediate family but funerals are mostly not refused!!

YAB so unreasonable it's not funny, your DH should be taking the time off or you need to ask a friend, most friends would help out for interviews. If you don't have anyone else to do this then perhaps you need to rethink future childcare!

Every funeral I've been to had been a warm and supportive event. And OP can hardly support her brother and SIL from her living room.

I'm sorry that your own family and friends are so bitchy.

Narcissists can't read the room...

But, OP, she is not your employee! You really are very entitled.

This is true

If this is true op, then you are behaving appallingly. This is a horrible horrible thought process. You need to do sone serious work on your entitlement or you'll wind up with no friends.

But she’s not employed, unless you are paying for the childcare which I very much doubt. MIL is entitled to spend her time as she sees fit and attending a funeral can be very important to some people for whatever reason.

When you use family for childcare (which I guess you're not paying for ) this is one of those times when you have to take the hit.

Warning - you're going the right way about pushing her not to provide you with childcare at all.

Genuinely jaw-dropping. But she isn't employed. She's not your employee, much as you'd love to be able to control what she can and can't take 'leave' for.

They're your children!

Words fail me

YAB grossly U! You've mentioned she has cancelled another time recently which is her choice but I would suggest the childcare is no longer working for you if you can't cope with cancellations. Therefore maybe you need to look into alternatives for the days she is supposed to have your children.

You can't honestly expect her hot to attend a funeral.

Also most employers I know who allow someone to take time off for a funeral. It may be as annual leave or unpaid leave but I know of few employers who would say 'no you can't go and pay your respects'.

I am reeeeally hoping this is a reverse.

It seems the easy option here is for the MIL to refuse to help with childcare anymore given she is expected to be at your beck and call. You can pay for childcare

Op someday your priorities will right themselves change. It doesn’t matter the last time you’ve seen someone etc in relation to a funeral. I’ve missed funerals over the years for work/ kids and I still regret them now. It’s about paying respect, it’s about honouring memories, sometimes it’s just a tick box that you know in the end you gave them a nod. I honestly thought this was a reverse. Good luck in your interviews

All of this. You're probably stressed with the upcoming interviews and it sounds like your MIL has caused you some problem in the past. Focus on your interviews and let your partner support you in dealing with the childcare issue - after all, they're his children too. 🌹

YABU her SIL just died! That’s also your partners aunt so you would think you would all attend the funeral actually or your partner also go and you look after your own children. A death in the family comes first and a bit of compassion and checking your MIL is OK too.

Tell you what, OP - at your interviews, try to break the ice with some small talk. Say, "I'm so glad I was able to make it, my mother-in-law was supposed to provide childcare but she had the nerve to prioritise attending a funeral." Then see the interviewers' reactions.

people go to funerals for lots of different reason other than super closeness to the deceased. usually as support for other who knew the deceased, to be on hand the help the family or even to pay their last respect to someone they remember fondly even without immediate family closeness.

she is an unpaid help to OP who has a partner who should take the time off.
If you have children your job should be aware that sometimes you have to take leave at short notice.

grandparents are not indentured servants and this tendency to treat elder women in our families as childcare pack mules, who can never say no or have last minute plans than must remain enslaved to your offspring until you deign to pay for childcare is disgusting.

This is a wind up post?

None of you are being unreasonable.

The unreasonable party was the deceased, who should clearly have given you all much more notice of their impending death so you had plenty of time to make other arrangements.

Maybe you should start paying for your child to go to a registered childminder, instead of paying for your mot.....oh wait

We have a total 🏆

Unbelievable

What do base all this nonsense on? Your own very poor attitude towards people.

Shameful!

Glad I'm neither related or friends with someone like you, but I guess birds of a feather flock together.

Looking at OPs other posts it's par for the course with her attitude.