MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

If you want to treat her like an employee, employ her!
And as others have said, of course employees get time off for funerals. Heck I'm self employed and the company I was working for last year gave me time off for a friend's parent's funeral, because they knew it was important for me to be there.
I really hope this thread is a wind up as I don't like to think there are people this cold hearted walking amongst us.

I don't care if you agree with me or not. The whole point of AIBU is to garner opinions. Naturally people with have different ones.
But no need for personal abuse or rudeness just because you don't agree

When my mother died, one of her closest friends couldn’t attend her funeral because she was regular child care for her daughter and there was no flexibility for her to not do it. She was extremely upset as was I.

If you rely on grandparents for child care you should accept that there are times they will not be able to do it. A funeral overrides usual arrangements unless you were a single parent going into hospital or something similar. It’s inconvenient, but if you get child care for free you cannot expect it to always take precedence over anything else.

Have you always been this selfish and unreasonable!

My gob has been truly smacked.

@Notacrescentcroissant your view that people are going to botch and moan about the deceased, is that what you anticipate happening at your funeral?

Which says a lot really.

I've not experienced it at any funeral, I've always found them respectful and peaceful.

Strange family/friends you must have, all sounds very Jeremy Kyle.

Just because that's your experience of a funeral, luckily it's not everyone's.

You are very mad, and have no one to tell you.

you cannot tell MIL she can't go to her family funeral. Of course your husband has to do it. You are wrong to even make a fuss about this and extremely ungrateful.

Woww.

Some places would at short notice, she may well have had to use annual leave.

Maybe you should pay for childcare?

You've got to be taking the piss??

Your children, your responsibility.

@tinatsarina what an absolute madam! Have some empathy and in plenty of work places people attend funerals.

I only hope your children are learning kindness and empathy from her and not you. If it was me I would never help you with childcare again.

Bloody hell, do you even have to ask?? You are being V V unreasonable! How very inconvenient for you 🙄

@Notacrescentcroissant to be fair, you were extremely disrespectful to the MIL in your post accusing her of drama and only going to bitch and moan about the deceased.

You're going to get backlash for that.

Yanbu from me. Sister in law's brother is a tenuous link unless they were actually close friends in their own right. Since she hasn't seen him for years, this is clearly not the case and I think she ought to stand by her commitment to you. Different maybe if you were just going out socially but job interviews are essential.

Woah, I think that is, surely, a joke?
It's a funeral! Not lunch with her friends.
I would imagine if your partner did tell his mum she "wasn't allowed" to go she'd rightly tell him to get lost and then stop all childcare completely!

What on earth is wrong with you?

I didn't accuse her - I said that some people enjoy the drama of a funeral

It's not usual for people to attend funerals of people they haven't seen in years, or even don't know that well, out of respect for their family and friends (the dead person doesn't get any benefits) and the fact she wouldn't be able to attend if she was employed is irrelevant (and not necessarily true - I work 4 days and can offer to make up a day if I wish to have a work day off or take unpaid leave).

I think your issue is around relying on one particular person to provide your childcare. You should be grateful for what she can do and have back up for when she can't. Do you have no one else at all who could have one or more children for an afternoon? No friends you can call on for a favour? If it's half term, won't any of their school friend's parents be available? Or pay for someone from an agency.

Would you really not go to a funeral you wanted to go to because you were meant to be looking after someone else's kids? You're being fucking ridiculous. It's not her fault you don't have childcare options.

I don't get the posts saying mil is doing the OP a favour. Surely it's only a favour if she actually does it? Otherwise she's not doing anything for OP at all.

YABU, you can't tell someone they can't attend a funeral, what is wring with you

@Notacrescentcroissant you were referring it to the Mil, don't backtrack, you may act in that way but the vast majority don't!

And honestly "she can live stream it, whilst watching the children"!

Just how disrespectful and entitled can you be.

From the OP's posts it's clear that MIL does quite a bit of childcare for them-in one of them the OP mentioned that previously the MIL took a week off. I guess the skivvy is fighting back-good for her but bad news for the OP. I hope this continues. Shit on those that give you help you might just find they are less willing to put themselves out for you. Maybe MIL would be more willing to help if OP wasn't so dictatorial (telling her DH to tell his mum that she isn't allowed to attend the funeral).

Let's put it another way. She could be asking you to re-arrange the interviews as she needs to go to a funeral. Whilst frustrating, this would be far more reasonable. You can always find other interviews to attend. A person's funeral only happens the once and can not be re-arranged on a whim.