MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

Random man?? Sometimes relatives don’t speak for a while but f**k me how can anyone begrudge someone going to pay their respects is beyond.
flaky relatives? Like the person she’s relying on to do her a favour allllllll the time by the sounds.

You don't get to tell people they don't need to be at a funeral, it's personal choice.

She’s supporting her SIL. Isn’t that a good enough reason?

Sure, it's personal choice . But I still think it's a bad one, when she is the person who pushed OP to apply for these jobs, by offering childcare.

If sister in law genuinely has no one else there to support her, then I will revise my opinion. But I think it's very very unlikely.

I agree with most people - your MIL offered to look after your children, but can't now. I've been in your situation - you can't just have Plan A, you've got to have back up.

I can't see if you've said that you will be paying your MIL for childcare while you work. If so, I would make sure you are both on same page about what you can rely on. If she is doing you a favour rather than it being income she needs, you absolutely need back up arrangements.

I didn't have any family around when my kids were young, and it's really hard. A sickness bug can wipe out the whole family and leave you out of options, so you can only do your best.

Now I'm in the other position - offering childcare, I was happy to do whatever was needed, but childcare is hard work when you get older, so I wouldn't blame anyone who found it a struggle and needed to step back. Definitely worth thinking about worst case scenarios and having as many options as possible.

Yabu

Oh poor poor ooor OP! If OP thinks she's that utterly awful at providing free childcare then don't go for a permanent position and go back to not working.

Problem solved, no need for interviews and childcare issue sorted.

Are you serious because I don’t think you possibly can be? Imagine thinking a funeral is less important and then writing in such a way that this op has - I’ve told him to tell her she can’t go??? Also we are only going on what the poster says in regards of her hardly knowing him?
the rest of her comments regarding it are enough for people to think op is being entitled and selfish to be honest.

@Noglitterallowed the deceased isn't mil's relative - its sister in laws brother I think, so tenuous at best. Obviously if they were actual friends, I'd think differently but when people mean a lot to you, you tend to see them, I think.

Or maybe I just have an unusual view of funerals. I think they are for people who are actually grieving, not people who didn't care enough about you to see you for years. For example I didn't go to my uncle's funeral - I was sorry he died but honestly I would have felt it inappropriate to be there since we hadn't seen each other in years.

I think OP is probably just stressing about her need to attend these interviews - people get psyched up for them and likely needs the money. I think frustration sometimes comes across badly. But she hadn't been the nastiest person on this thread. Some people on here have no moral high ground to be yelling at OP from!

You've got a warped view!

Stop with the poor OP, if she needs the money and childcare, she should be a bit more bloody grateful for what she has and not tell her MIL that she can't go to a funeral, unless she's sanctioned it's ok.

OP has had every opportunity to back down and say, yes I now see IABU, as 95% of people say.

But in your view it's ok, the way she's is acting as entitled and ungrateful because she's "stressed"?

It would depend on how well if she knew the deceased, it’s not immediate family. I’d be annoyed as it’s not as though you’ve asked her to babysit whilst you go to a girls lunch, it’s 3 interviews but it would depend on her relationship with the deceased.

Are you on glue? How do you know (a) he's "some random man" and (b) that OP's MiL hasn't been specifically invited to the funeral? And as for other people sounding nastier than the OP does, that's an impossibility, as if her original post is genuine, she's obviously had an empathy bypass and is a strong contender for the Most Entitled Person of the Year award.

And for the benefit of the hard of thinking, the kids are the responsibility of OP and her partner.

Yes I think you’re in the minority. Very strange view on it. My mother in law died recently for example and my husbands old school friends all made an effort to come to show respect - they hadn’t seen her for years but they wanted to support my husband and just show how sorry they are:
if my uncle died and I didn’t attend I’d imagine my family would all think what a heartless cow - even if I hadn’t seen him in a while

But that's my point. The 'issues' need to be ironed out if she (and you) want her to do the childcare.

She wants you to work, that's fine. But if you and DH want to depend on her, then you and she need to come to an understanding of just what she means by 'do childcare'. Does she mean making that a priority over just about everything or does she mean 'unless there's something I want to do more'?

We used paid childcare with DS1 as both our mothers were still working. My low late MiL provided childcare (also at her insistence) for DS2 as an infant as she was retired by then. But she honoured her commitment and was there every day unless she was ill, and we bless her for it. You need to be sure you can depend on your MiL in the same way or find alternative care.

'Warped' is a bit rude. Not all people think that funerals are a good thing or appropriate for anyone other than people who were close to the deceased.

We're all different, but I'd take the view that if someone I knew wanted to attend a funeral of someone they knew (however recently they'd seen them), that it was their prerogative and not for me to have the damn cheek to dictate if it was acceptable.

Others however think like you, that they've got the right to own their unpaid childminder and that they should acquiesce to your demands.

Strange old world isn't it!

Not all people......

Which clearly doesn't include the OPs MIL, it's warped that you think everyone should think like you!

Yes you have an unusual view of funerals…..a very weird one🙄

I'm not big on funerals either, but it's irrelevant whether I or anyone else would go. What's relevant is that OP's MIL does want to go, so she should. OP has children and needs to find childcare for them - it's how it is. If you have children, pets, a business or whatever and you need to be somewhere, you have to make arrangements. And have back ups.

I sympathise with the OP's situation, but the attitude is unreasonable.

Funeral must have been arranged weeks ago but she’s only just decided to go.
She shouldn’t be dropping you like.

"Are you on glue?" Yawn @DriftingDora

I don't think that everyone should think like me. But I do think people should honour their commitments, particularly if it was their idea in the first place.

This had been covered numerous times, not all funerals are arranged weeks in advance.....