MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

I was diverting back in time. You are right employers have to give compassionate leave.

I can’t believe the deceased had the blimmin cheek to die at such an inconvenient time. Some people are so selfish.

Tell her she can't go??!!
Who made you the boss?
Ridiculous.

just as ive took on a new job on her insistence that she could do childcare.

This is information that you really should have put in your OP. It changes everything that she has invited you to ask her for daycare and then let you down.

I would not get a job that relies on her delivering on that offer, that's for sure!

Mumsnet is full of mothers who would never except or ask for help yet love to complain about how they don't have child free time for 7 years.

If I could have help, I would definitely make a most of it (both mine and my husband families are in different countries, so it's not optional for us). If someone says they will do something, I would expect them to do it. But! It's a funeral! She wants to attend, and your husband can take a day off. No harm done.

However, I would not take a position (I guess full time?) based on my MIL look after my child. She might offer, but it's a big responsibility and a lot of things can happen (illnes, more funerals etc). You should try to find a part-time nursery where you can add extra time if needed for emergencies.

Gosh, have some compassion

There are employers with sickness policies that can cost you your job if you are off sick too often. Don't recommend that people pull sickies.

Yes partners job is a place that pulls you up if you've had certain amount of sickness in a month. I was ill and asked him to take parental leave as we didn't have anyone else and I struggled to leave bed (suspected COVID) and he refused as he was worried about what HR would do.

I wouldn't have took the job/interviews if she hadn't agreed to do it. Like I said she's ok with not going if it jeopardised his job...

yabu.

Don't go for a permanent position then! Simple! Don't go for the interviews, you don't have childcare you're happy with, so why bother?

Your friend is going to look over the children for you on this occasion, but find some official childcare and don’t rely on your MIL in the future. This arrangement isn’t going to work for anyone, and will cause friction in the future.

But he actually has a job that's the difference, you don't, yes you have some interviews but that does not guarantee you a job.

Probably another entitled brat.

This is a funeral, someone died and your MIL wants to pay her respect. Get a grip. There are plenty of childcare options out there, you come across as an entitled brat….and before you start with the excuses again, there aren’t any which are relevant.

Absolutely none of your business when she last saw them! Also if she wants to take a trip she’s entitled! I’m assuming you don’t pay her for looking after your children? You are very unreasonable and ungrateful by the sounds

I think you need to learn to adult on your own two feet !
don’t rely on your mother in law !
she is entitled to holidays, afternoons out with friends, funerals, or just generally not wanting to be your unpaid slave !

if you can’t do it, don’t work.
Or as you have build up a friendship of favours where you help each other out. But remember you have to help friends for them to keep helping you or it’s someone else you’re walking all over!

out parents have helped us with childcare, still do a bit, but what they want to do takes priority and we have to rearrange to accommodate them, sometimes with notice, sometimes with none. ….. much like if you had a paid employee you is entitled to holidays, sick leave and compassionate leave, but with even more good grace because you know, you’re never actually paying them !!

YABU So your MIL provides you free childcare but she needs/wants to attend a funeral and your moaning, your husbands right in what he’s saying, you have no right in telling your MIL that she can’t attend a funeral get a grip of yourself.

I’d say in this instance, you’re being a massive dick. And that comes from someone who’s MIL can do NO right here!

I've no comment on your mil or your childcare arrangements but your comment on your mil not having seen the deceased for years got to me, when my mother died there were people at her funeral who hadn't seen her or any of our family for a decade or more, people she had worked with, people I'd worked with,old school friends of hers, of my father and myself, people from various clubs and organisations that she had been involved in years previously, all of those people brought comfort to us simply by turning up and surrounding us with memories of my mother, I had people tell me lovely things about her that I'd never have known otherwise so please don't think that just because your mil hadn't seen the deceased for quite a while that her attendance at the funeral won't be appreciated, it will.

He can use annual leave or dependents leave or something but he can’t call in sick, he is not sick.

Are you insane! A funeral!! You’re kicking off about someone attending a funeral???? Wow wow wow!!
how entitled and gross can you be?

Drip drip drip op. Well done.

Definitely being unreasonable what’s wrong with you?!

Glad you’ve sorted an alternative OP.

as an aside it is probably wise that you and your husband do not take jobs where you can’t take emergency time off for childcare or wfh.

it’s not realistic with multiple small children.