MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

Yes. Very.

Yes I agree, but she said in her post that her husband would have trouble taking it off because he took it off last time when she let her down, my daughters paid nursery closed for a day when one of their colleagues passed and the staff attended the funeral. If his job is permanent and hers temp then his should take priority imo. Regardless of her and her hubby the kids aren't the MIL responsibility!

Jesus wept you are not coming out well in this. Who are you "to tell" someone to A) be your babysitter, and B) not to attend a funeral? Give your head a wobble.

Maybe they do, I don't doubt that. But she's already agreed to look after the grandkids, which are her sons children. Yes it's dil who's got the interview but then dh should be stepping In. She's not got a hen party to go to, it's job interviews. If someone offers to be a child care option (she's offered it not been asked) then she should stick by that.

Dh needs to be pulling his finger out and taking some time off to look after his kids aswell instead of just giving his opinion

I think YABU. This is a funeral, not a party or celebration.

Yes I agree, but she said in her post that her husband would have trouble taking it off because he took it off last time when she let her down, my daughters paid nursery closed for a day when one of their colleagues passed and the staff attended the funeral. If his job is permanent and hers temp then his should take priority imo. Regardless of her and her hubby the kids aren't the MIL responsibility!

YABVU

You know best how close she is to the family... sounds pretty tenuous to me (sister in law's brother.... I wouldn't even know my sister in laws' brothers' names).

Good luck with the job interviews.

@Nikki8762 but the partner dies do childcare. He took the week off recently! Honestly, there are few posts by the OP, but you seem hell bent on saying anyone but the OP is wrong.

This has got to be a wind up. No adult is so entitled, surely

I have my SIL's DSis as a friend on Facebook. I think we have only met once but we share a Dniece and Dnephew and that's important. Edited to add that she lives overseas and her DM, DF and DSF are people who have been part of our lives for nearly 20 years due to family gatherings.

I think the interview is for a permanent position which would make the whole family financially better off. I do agree it's not the mil responsibility but if she's offered then drops her in it 5 days before the interview then I think the op is entitled to be upset. Her husband should call in sick that day rather than asking for time off of course they will say no.

A funeral is a very legitimate reason for cancelling on something and yes she probably would get it off from an employer ( they would be a very harsh employer if they didn’t give it).

YABVU selfish and entitled. You don’t get to tell your MIL what to do and what not to do.

Normally I would agree people shouldn’t cancel but funerals are an exception to that rule. Funerals are not generally planned far in advance so you can’t really give notice.

YABVU

How much notice do you want to get about the funeral??? It’s a shame that the deceased didn’t for see the op’s interview and warn people of her death date in advance

My daughter's primary school headmistress wasn't kind at all. When I told her about my grandmother's funeral I asked if it's okay to take them out early so they can attend after the funeral she said it's a slap in the face to take them out an hour early. The funeral was two hours away from where we lived and she said no. She was asked to leave eventually ofsted received 180 complaints about the teachers and headmistress.

How many hours does your mother in law look after your kids? You see the way I see it is that if your mother in law doesn't go to the funeral then she doesn't go, she misses it, someone else could go "for her" maybe, but then she doesn't get to go and say goodbye to her friend.

If you mother in law looks after your kids 168 hours a week every week (every hour of every week) then maybe she should prioritise your kids because there is clearly only her that can be with your kids. If she spends less then this however, then there are clearly other people that CAN look after your kids.

This would means prioritise the funeral which only she will only be at if she goes, over looking after your kids which clearly could be done by others if she weren't there. I'm shocked that there are actually people as rude and self-centred as you. Hopefully your MIL will re-think providing childcare now, as working for someone 100% rude and self centred, must be a right ball ache.

But he had to take it off last time because her temp job said no, she could have gone sick then, anyway she's got a friend looking after them so happy days, my point is things come up and people get Ill etc even with paid childcare it's part of being a parent. Most employers will allow unpaid leave for caring for your children if need be.

Jesus wept OP. you sound so beyond entitled.

Doesn't matter how long MIL hasn't seen the person who died for. They are dead. She wants to pay her respects and to go the funeral.

Your MIL is not your paid nanny. Nor is she your slave.

Your DH has put his big boy pants on, done the right thing and took a day off so you can go to the interviews.

Now it's time to put your big girl pants on, grow up and get on with adulting.

Never read such selfish crap in all my life. YABVU!

@Carpediemmakeitcount well that was just desserts for the awful headmistress! Good!

Her husband should have called in sick that day rather than ask. My mum died last year on 13th March and her funeral was on the 14th April. I don't know why it took so long to have the funeral it took just over a month to plan and to set the date. I think it depends on the funeral. My dad died on October 30th then two weeks later he had a small cremation funeral. Her husband should be picking up the slack and calling in sick.