MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

That C**T for chat, french for cat. Meow.

presumably she’s there to support the family and not the person who died? Why why why don’t you just grow up and pay for childcare for your own children? I hope your MIL never babysits for you again. Honestly I can scarcely believe your bratty and entitled behaviour. Your kids, your responsibility

Or, even worse, to tell your DP to tell his Mum she can't go. I know the MN mantra is that 'he' should always deal with his family but that's crazy.

OP, did you also take omelette off her plate to give to your son?

Of course she's going to attend the funeral! She's going to support her family who have lost a loved one! It doesn't matter if she "hadn't seen the deceased for years".

Look I've read everyone's replies and I get it, I do. For those who have read my previous threads it's been hard for me to get back to work. I only went back as MIL suggested to us she would do childcare. I have looked at alternatives but nurseries and after schools are all full ATM if she hadn't agreed childcare I wouldn't have took my current position. Usually MIL only does pick ups but agreed the full afternoon initially.

Normally it's a fortnight round my way.

When my husband died, it was a month because another crematorium was under repair and ours had to take the extra capacity.

There was one slot available to me, but I refused it since it would have meant exiting the building in the dark on a winter's afternoon. I already had relatives not coming because they chose not to come during lockdown and I couldn't bear the though of exiting in the dark on top of everything else.

Who do you think you are??? You and your husband made the children. You and your children are responsbile for their care. You work it out between yourselves. It is your and your husband's responsbility.

None of that is an excuse for your appalling selfish entitled behaviour.

The facts are these. You and your husband made love and out of that came a child. This child is your responsibility, nobody else's. If someone agrees to support and then has to withdraw that offer, that falls back on you and not them. Suck it up like the rest of us and accept that if you wanted any of these three jobs then contraception should have been on your mind all those years ago.

But you said you had three job interviews scheduled for that day? If it was a weekly occurrence and she was always messing you around I would understand but surely the funeral is a bit of a one off?

That is not true as legally all parents get parental leave. Normally unpaid. The fact your partner is unable to get time off is questionable but either way, even if true pay for a babysitter. Your MIL is not your damn unpaid babysitter ungrateful woman

Then the parents should say 'no'. How can your husband's cousin 'make them' do it?

Sorry to burst your bubble OP but whether YOU think her reason is a good one or not is irrelevant, they are YOUR children and therefore YOUR responsibility.

That's the crap side of being a parent, when things go south YOU have to adapt.

Personally I think you're being an over entitled brat who probably just lost her childcare. What are you going to do when you get a job and she won't babysit for you?? Better dig deep.

YABVU, and I can't believe you even need to ask.

The OP is a delight. I hope there was a refund from the charm school she attended

omg you're a seriously messed up individual.

Your not being serious are you????

Your partner has taken the day off so you can do your interviews so I don't see what the issue is here! It's also a funeral not a party! Why aren't your family helping out?

So you're currently working? And MIL currently facilitates this? But can't do this occasion because she's attending a funeral and you're angry about this?

Oh my days, get over yourself, this is the real world

cause like the poster I was quoting they use emotional blackmail and are not able to say no. not everyone can

I only went back as MIL suggested to us she would do childcare.

I'm not going to get into the funeral vs childcare thing. You've found your alternative and that's good.

BUT, if you're going to be depending on MiL as your regular childcare I think you need to think again or at the very least you and your DH need have a serious sit down talk with her. IMHO a grandparent who agrees to take on regular childcare needs to view it as 'a real job' whether they're being paid or not. You need to get it straight with MiL whether or not she's going to treat it as such and whether your ideas of 'a good reason to call in sick/take a day off' match hers. And whether or not you can trust her to 'stick to the bargain'. And if they don't or you can't, you need to find another childcare option.

DH and I do NOT plan to do regular childcare because we travel a lot. But if we DID, we would view it as a 'real job' and would expect that anything else would have to come second to our responsibility and that any time off would have to be scheduled way in advance, not willy nilly 2 days in advance. Of course we absolutely would if do it it was a financial necessity, although we'd probably help them pay for it before taking it on ourselves.

I get where you're coming from. I am one who honers commitments, I'll help any one at any time and i don't like to let people down, i do also expect the same from others, althou it doesnt happen.

Something tells me this isn't the first time she's let you down. Funerals can't be helped and yes she's made the choice to go. If it was me I wouldnt go, I'd be there for the living who need me, but I don't know the relationship or how close her and her sil are etc. I've a parent who does these things just to be seen and they'd drop me in a secound because they think it's a social occasion. They might not even know the person or have met them once 20 years ago, but because other mutual people go they have fomo.

Luckily your partner is able to take the time off now so at least that's something. If she is known for letting you down then I would try not to use her for important plans. I know who I can rely on and who I cant and sadly family tend to not be the most reliable x

Just how selfish are you?