Page 25 | MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

StaunchMomma · 14/02/2024 18:15

Jeez, it's a FUNERAL!!

Some things, in fact MANY things, are more important than your childcare!

Ohlookwhoitis · 14/02/2024 18:15

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I don't think it is. If you read OPs other threads, you'll see she's been here for years. I actually feel quite sorry for her after reading them. Her partner is a grade A asshole.

momonpurpose · 14/02/2024 18:17

Ohlookwhoitis · 14/02/2024 18:15

I don't think it is. If you read OPs other threads, you'll see she's been here for years. I actually feel quite sorry for her after reading them. Her partner is a grade A asshole.

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I still stand by hoping it's a reverse. Seems like 99% of posters her are also shocked by the entitlement.

Silvers11 · 14/02/2024 18:18

Is this real? If so,YABVVU Can't believe you actually asked your partner to tell his Mum she can't go to a funeral! Funerals trump almost everything in terms of other arrangements having to be changed

CadyEastman · 14/02/2024 18:21

@Ohlookwhoitis can you look at previous threads on the MN app? I sometimes see posts like yours but can never figure out how to look for them.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 18:22

Minimili · 14/02/2024 17:53

You would be surprised at how many people are exactly like this.

My sister has two kids and expected my mum and dad to pick them up from school every day and look after them most weekends. Her husband sometimes finished work before the kids finished school but refused to pick them up because he said he’d been at work all day and wanted to come home and relax.

My parents were both still working and had to fit their hours round my niece and nephew, they couldn’t ever do anything together on their days off and had to take separate days off to have the kids in the end. They were desperate for a break and to go away on holiday but any suggestions of it and my sister would get hysterical. When they did finally book holidays in the half term my sister insisted she was entitled to a holiday as well and demanded she join them with her husband and kids.
If my parents tried to refuse she would say she would quit her job to look after them and said if she and her husband couldn’t afford their mortgage and living expenses she would have to move in with my parents. This had already happened when they were previously renting a house so my parents knew she was being serious.

My dad died from cancer (whilst he was dying my parents were still looking after my niece and nephew) and after he died and my mum was alone it got so much worse.
My mum had the kids almost every day and overnight over half the week and almost every weekend and was so tied down and could never see her friends and she became isolated. I got sick of never getting any time alone with her and begged her to say no but she was too scared of upsetting my sister.
My sister was also financially supported by my parents right up until they died. She would claim she didn’t have money to survive or feed the kids but then would be buying champagne, going away for mini breaks with her husband, buying clothes, having massages and her nails done and basically living the high life as though she was childfree.

If my mum said no to having the kids my sister would cry and beg or blackmail my mum saying if she didn’t want to look after her grandkids she’d never see them again. I told my mum that would never happen because my sister needed her too much but she was vulnerable and didn’t want to deal with the fallout of saying no.

The most shocking thing was when my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer and STILL was expected to have the kids. I went round to see her once and she was too ill and weak to get out of bed. My 7 year old nephew was standing on a stool trying to cook beans in a frying pan over a gas cooker with the heat turned up as high as possible.

After my mum died so many of her friends told me how much they had wanted to spend time with my mum, my sister had messaged several of time telling them to back off and stop pressuring my mum to not have her kids. A few friends didn’t even attend the funeral because they didn’t want to deal with my sister.

I could see my sister writing a post that would be far more shocking and entitled to OP’s, there are definitely people like that walking amongst us!

My sister tried the same thing with me after my mum died but I didn’t comply. She even expected me to give up my inheritance “for the kids”
When I said no she suggested putting it in an account for them and she would save and give it back when they were adults. When I refused and said she should just save money from her own inheritance for when they were adults she knew she’d been caught out that it wasn’t for the kids!

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Family friends, their only child, a daughter was spoiled and entitled her entire life, always said she didn’t want DC but got pregnant and had 2 boys. Parents offered to do childcare for her as she and her DP worked in film and TV. That was fine at first. Then her parents moved to SW England as they’d retired and wanted to be near close family. Sadly after only approx 4-5 years living there the father sadly passed away from a heart attack. He’d been advised to go for an operation but it was risky and whenever he saw us he was upset and scared about it, but he wasn’t the type to make a fuss, lovely man. Anyway after he died his wife lived in this big house and then her daughter and DP and 2 boys moved in with them and took over the house and still used the mother as childcare. The mother had very limited use of her right hand as she had nerve damage due to an accident. She was also grieving for her DH who’d died and felt very lonely. Her daughter and DP wanted her to sign the house over to them even though it was her house bought with her and her late DH. She felt trapped but didn’t feel she could do much. Her grandsons went to the local private school, similar to their mother. Her parents went without a lot in life to send her to an exclusive private school in SE London.

Sadly the mother developed cancer and didn’t really want to fight it and ended up dying with her family and friends (we went to her bedside to see her before she died). You’d have thought her daughter could’ve been kinder to her rather than taking over her house and expecting her to be fine as a newly bereaved widow. Daughter has the house now though and benefitted from years of unpaid childcare.

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 18:29

2mummies1baby · 14/02/2024 18:12

OP, you realise precisely no one on this thread was concerned about your childcare issues? This is not the update anyone is interested in. I, for one, would love to know if you have reflected on your behaviour even a smidgen.

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I think we were supposed to absorb the gravity of what MIL has occasioned: all the family, it would seem, work for uncommonly rigid employers and now a friend is lamb to the slaughter. For goodness sake OP: just pay a babysitter and stop imposing on people to mop up your problems.

ttcat37 · 14/02/2024 18:30

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 17:55

Just an update, partner can't get the day off, not even a half day, both my parents are working and can't get it off, luckily a friend has agreed to sit with the kids for the interview times. Usually they would be in school but obvs with half term they're off hence MIL agreeing to have them but like I said a friend is now doing it.

Nobody cares about who you had to emotionally blackmail into looking after your children. I’d like to know how your poor MIL responded to your entitled demands though. Hopefully it was “if you’re going to be like that, you can forget any more free childcare”

Has this experience prompted you to plan professional childcare for your children in the future? No, didn’t think so.

Ohlookwhoitis · 14/02/2024 18:30

CadyEastman · 14/02/2024 18:21

@Ohlookwhoitis can you look at previous threads on the MN app? I sometimes see posts like yours but can never figure out how to look for them.

Sorry I don't know about the app, I do it on a laptop. Go to advanced search, put username you're looking for in the 3rd box down and search.

puzzledout · 14/02/2024 18:32

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 17:55

Just an update, partner can't get the day off, not even a half day, both my parents are working and can't get it off, luckily a friend has agreed to sit with the kids for the interview times. Usually they would be in school but obvs with half term they're off hence MIL agreeing to have them but like I said a friend is now doing it.

🤷‍♀️

Any comments on 99.8% of people saying YABU? No??

Lilacanemone · 14/02/2024 18:33

Ohlookwhoitis · 14/02/2024 18:09

It takes an average of 3 days here in Ireland.

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Yes, Ireland seem to be very quick compared to here. My uncle’s funeral was arranged in four days, my mum’s which was here in England took just short of 4 weeks. Don’t know which is better, I don’t think I could have coped with arranging a funeral so soon as my uncles, but almost 4 weeks was far too long.

telestrations · 14/02/2024 18:34

Absolutely not.

She is perfectly entitled to a day off for whatever reason she chooses or to stop the arrangement all together. And your DH is doing exactly what he should and parenting his own children so you can go to your job interviews

Bs0u416d · 14/02/2024 18:36

OP is the very definition of an absolute C**T

Trulyme · 14/02/2024 18:37

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 17:55

Just an update, partner can't get the day off, not even a half day, both my parents are working and can't get it off, luckily a friend has agreed to sit with the kids for the interview times. Usually they would be in school but obvs with half term they're off hence MIL agreeing to have them but like I said a friend is now doing it.

Have you thought about when they have holidays, inset days or sickness?

You sound like you’re already the default parent and I urge you to discuss it now before you start working so your DH doesn’t take the piss.

Mellieg11 · 14/02/2024 18:42

lost for words wow wow wow.. this is a joke thread surely?

Pluviophile1 · 14/02/2024 18:44

Wow. I haven't RTFT but I'm sure you have been torn a new one by other MNers now. As you should.

venus7 · 14/02/2024 18:47

trooc · 14/02/2024 08:38

I'm not sure why, but it still surprises me to come across people like this.

I'm the same; plenty of evidence of entitled behaviour, but still, somehow....surprising.

Zucker · 14/02/2024 18:47

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 08:32

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

"Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go"

The audacity

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 14/02/2024 18:50

Ohlookwhoitis · 14/02/2024 18:15

I don't think it is. If you read OPs other threads, you'll see she's been here for years. I actually feel quite sorry for her after reading them. Her partner is a grade A asshole.

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I think the OP has become one too.

TerfTalking · 14/02/2024 18:52

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 08:46

She can visit the family after. It's not easy for him to take time off. If she was employed they wouldn't give her the time off.

For a funeral? If she used her annual leave? Very likely they would.

thebestinterest · 14/02/2024 18:54

OP, You are being unreasonable. She’s given you time to sort care and you’re making these demands and stipulations!? Are you insane? If your husband has offered to stay home, why not just accept that, instead of starting shit?

Georgyporky · 14/02/2024 18:54

Hatty65 · 14/02/2024 11:49

I really hope that you fail all your interviews.

Karma.

I think that this is the nastiest, bitchiest post I've ever seen - MN or elsewhere.
OP might be an entitled twat, but has she ever harmed @Hatty65 ?

Xmasbaby11 · 14/02/2024 18:57

Sorry but that's totally fair enough. I think when you rely on relatives for regular childcare, you need to have at the back of your mind the possibility they will occasionally let you down because of other commitments. Totally reasonable that DH takes a day off work.

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 18:57

Bs0u416d · 14/02/2024 18:36

OP is the very definition of an absolute C**T

I think that’s way OTT. But she hasn’t got her perspective straight on this issue.

StockpotSoup · 14/02/2024 19:02

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 17:55

Just an update, partner can't get the day off, not even a half day, both my parents are working and can't get it off, luckily a friend has agreed to sit with the kids for the interview times. Usually they would be in school but obvs with half term they're off hence MIL agreeing to have them but like I said a friend is now doing it.

That’s good. Hopefully none of her loved ones will be selfish enough to peg it between now and then.