MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

MIL has a life too.

Certainly religions get buried within 24 hours.

Wow….

I’m quite sure the funeral wasn’t arranged for that day purely to mess up your childcare plans.
If my DH told me to ‘tell my mum she can’t go to the funeral’ I’d tell him to p*ss off.
It’s not yours or your DP place to tell her what she can and can’t do. You are most definitely BU and entitled.

Is this a wind up!
You TOLD your partner to tell MIL she CANT GO?
You are most definately out of order!
Give your head a wobble!

She wants to support her sister-in-law, nobody chooses to go to a funeral for fun. Make other childcare arrangements if you think your MiL is not dependable - you will probably need to pay for someone you can order around.
Congratulations on getting so many job interviews. I just hope they are not positions requiring empathy or kindness.

YABU. She shouldn't have to justify it but funerals are not really about the dead, it's for supporting the living. She is showing up for her SIL regardless of how well she knew her brother.
Awkward for you but you can't have it both ways. If you want to be part of a loving extended family that supports each other you show up at times like that.

Looks like we are raising a nation of selfish entitled brats!

You are being a knob.

Can't you book them in holiday club for the day?

Wow you ungrateful ungrateful woman. Selfish is an understatement. Your MIL doesn't owe you anything and perhaps pay a babysitter for childcare. YABVVVVU! Who cares if she has not seen family who died for years. You sound like a selfish woman who cares little about anyone but themselves. Who do you think you are telling someone they can't go to a funeral you cruel lady. Go look at yourself in the mirror and realise you are not allowed to force people to look after your children aka your responsibility. And big deal husband is taking leave. It is equally his responsibility!! Such a stupid question 🙄

You should pay your MIL to look after her grandchildren given your nasty attitude

She might be very close to the sister in law though and want to show support.

What the fuck.
yea you are out of order. A funeral is more important than childcare and it isn’t your place to say how important her attendance is. Also who are you to tell her she can’t go. Disgusting!

I really hope this is a reverse …if it’s not you need to do some thinking about the situation and be less self involved.

How entitled are you ?

Exactly some of my parents family are close to their in-laws family because they all grew up together and saw eachother a lot. They’ve known each other literally 70 ish years. The exact name of the relationship doesn’t matter, what matters is the MIL wants to attend and it’s on her to decide what she priorities.

Blimey OP, I hope you can see now that you are being very, very unreasonable.

When my Dad died, lots of my friends, who barely knew my Dad, came to his funeral, to support me and my brother, and family. It's irrelevant how recently she last saw the deceased.

It's also massively entitled to think you can tell her what she can and cannot do with her time, whether or not she is technically or contractually employed by you. Employees do have rights!

This has to be a joke! It's a funeral FFS! 🤦🏻‍♀️

This can’t be for real. Why should being your (presumably unpaid) childcare be more important than paying her respects to someone who, you know, died?! If it’s so difficult for your DH to take time off to look after the children, maybe think about getting a babysitter?

Why does that thought surprise you though?

1. If she was employed she could take a half-day of annual holiday, like the rest of us do to attend funerals that aren't covered by bereavement leave.
2. You're not employing her so that's an invalid comparison anyway.
3. You can hire a nanny for one day like everyone else has to.
4. If you can't cope with needing to pay for childcare for half a day for interviews, how are you going to cope with needing childcare to cover a full-time job?

If my partner told me to tell my mum not to attend a funeral in order to cover childcare, he'd be an ex-partner with immediate effect.

I don't think anyone disagrees that the OP is being very unreasonable but the increasing level of competitive insults towards her is really getting very funny.

I hope you dinna get the jobs you are interviewing for. 🎻

Do you pay your MIL for childcare? That’s the only reason I can think it would be relevant to compare this to her taking time off work.

Okay, so it wouldn’t be a close enough relationship to get compassionate leave, but there would have been nothing to stop her booking annual leave from this theoretical job.