MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

You lost me at "told my partner to tell his mum she can't go"

Fucking hell OP

I hope you've got your hard hat on

What’s with all these posts?

‘my parents won’t get up with my baby everyday to protect my sleep’
‘Mum looked after my child for a few days. I sent her a drunken rant at 3am as I didn’t like that she answered for my child’

It’s so weird. Some people are really bizarre.

Bloody hell, consider yourself lucky you've so much notice. In my culture we bury within 24 hours.

Surely this is a reverse?

Also if she was employed she'd most likely be able to take annual leave? I've never known it be refused for a funeral even if too many people off etc

Eh?

YAB MASSIVELY U

I don't care if she hasn't seen him for decades, if she wants to go to the funeral then she should. She may only be going to support her SIL and that's also fine.

Awful!!

In fact if anyone wants to go to a funeral and they have the time to do it (some of the older generation have the time to go to the funerals of people they've lost contact with or distant relatives who for whatever reason they've not been able to see etc. Shows respect and love/respect to the wider family and friends. Respect which OP obvs does not have.

You really don't sound at all nice, OP.

I can’t believe this is real. OF COURSE YABU. VVVVVVU.

Bloody hell OP, it’s a funeral!

You’re being massively unreasonable.

And so what if she hasn’t seen the deceased in years? She can still want to go so that she can support her SIL, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do.
Plenty of people who don’t know the deceased very well go to funerals to show support for the bereaved relatives.

Yes yabvvvvvvvvvvvvvu

Bloody hell. I've ZERO, and I mean ZERO, extended family support for my three kids. Over the years, I've had to navigate so many situations because of this and have had to call in favours from my friends in exceptional circumstances (think very important job interview in school holidays while DH also away for work type scenario).

If I had someone regularly helping me, I would be so grateful. I cannot for one moment imagine resenting that they had to go to a funeral rather than look after my kids, just because it happened to be quite inconvenient timing.

The whole point is that to say 'funerals take 3 or 4 weeks to arrange usually' is totally incorrect.

Just because in someone else's backyard things take 3 or 4 weeks to arrange doesn't hold good for the rest of the UK, so it's incorrect to assume this applies to MIL's situation. People make these statements as though they are fact, but they cannot possibly know. Personally I doubt that 4 weeks or over is the norm anywhere.

Are u for real ? 😦

I refuse to believe this is real. Surely nobody can be this spoilt and entitled??

Only 3 days? Gosh, how on earth is there time to arrange everything in such a short time? I can only suppose that funerals in Ireland are very different.

Where I am (England), it would take at least a day just to get an appointment with the undertaker to discuss options for coffin etc and it's extremely unlikely they would be available to conduct a funeral just 2 days later.

Then of course there are lots of decisions to be made, including whether to have a burial or a cremation and which crematorium to choose or which burial site to choose. Making those decisions involves firstly researching what's available - often it can be discussed at the initial meeting with the undertaker, but not always - and then visiting the sites, some of which may require making an appointment. I guess, if the death is expected then that could be done in advance.

There's also the decision as to what sort of funeral it will be: whether secular or religious; whether to have music or not (and if so, what music to choose and when it should be played); what readings, poems etc etc; who will actually conduct the funeral etc. So you might need to book a celebrant (or a church minister if it's a religious ceremony) if you don't want to conduct the funeral yourself and they may not be available for several days.

Once you have it booked, you then have to let everyone know - and find out if they're coming or not, so you can arrange catering for the wake.

Arranging the wake (in England that's usually held immediately after the funeral) will probably involve booking a venue and some caterers which, again, means you need to go and visit possible venues and speak to possible caterers and then find some that are suitable and are also available on the day.

I just can't see all of the above being arranged in just a couple of days. It would be an exhausting schedule of visits and phone calls - and enormously stressful!

I think arrange different more reliable childcare.

I’d be irritated too knowing the distant connection between her and the deceased, but I think you’re unreasonable in complaining as she would be doing you a massive favour doing childcare.

How dare that bloke mess up your childcare by selfishly dying? Don't stand for such blatant arseholery OP.

That’s not correct, a lot of workplaces would give time off for a funeral. And anyway, you aren’t her boss, or are you actually employing her?

Let me get this right, you told your partner to tell his mum she couldn't go to a funeral? How rude and bloody well entitled, I'm outraged for her!

Username checks out

This!
insane….

Wow you are shocking!!