MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

Yes and she murdered a relative to ensure that was facilitated!

What a reach this is!

Nah I call reverse. Otherwise who on earth do you think you are 😂😂😂😂

Of course you are.

Or maybe the OP doesn't want the MiL to to anything else other that childcare so scheduled 3 interviews on the same day as the funeral.

Well, good luck with the interviews, but I hope you are not aspiring to go into one of the caring professions, or any job that requires basic management skills.

This has to be a reverse no one would be that insensitive

It dies sound like you're part of it and see it as the norm to be fair.

You're extremely disrespectful about someone wanting to attend a funeral and give that as your reason.

Such disrespect would make it seem like you think this is acceptable and play a part in it.

I would never even if I witnessed this assume that anyone else would be so awful.

I think it's you that's jumped to conclusions and can't actually believe you're saying others have!

I'm with you OP, there is nothing more annoying than someone dying and ruining your plans for the day.

Definitely put your foot down with MIL and tell her you won't allow her to mind the children (for free presumably) again if she cancels.

🙄

Just so you know, I've never had free childcare from my parents, in laws either. You're extraordinarily spoilt.

You are not entitled to free childcare. It's lovely that she is able to help on some occasions, but it's a kindness and not her responsibility. I understand its frustrating if she is committing to things and then changing the plans but if you aren't happy or feel she is unreliable then you need to find alternative childcare.

YANBU I cannot believe that someone had the gall to be buried on the day you need free childcare.

The state of the world these days.

Says the person jumping to the conclusion that the Mil is unreasonable for wanting to go the funeral and its probably because of people liking to bitch and moan

@Naunet I don't believe that grandparents should be doing lots of childcare - it's massively restrictive for their own lives and it does get taken for granted. I'm not saying that the OP has a good attitude generally. But if a grandparent (or anyone really) does commit to it, then it has to be treated as if it was set in stone (bar exceptional reasons) because working parents do depend on it. There often aren't as hoc childcare providers that parents can use. So childcare has to be reliable.
And OP is going to job interviews, it's not a normal day at work.

Now, a lot of people on this thread believe that the funeral of someone mil hasn't seen for donkeys years is more important that the dil's job interviews and the fact she made a commitment to having the kids. I don't. Obviously different if it was a relative or close friend.

That's not to say I don't agree the OP might be taking mil for granted generally or that mil should continue being the main child care provider. Maybe that should change. But in this particular circumstance o do think the mil should stand by her commitment to the OP.

I can believe that the OP is genuine. She sounds just like my very entitled DIL who has gone NC because I refused to cancel a long-standing arrangement with my GD to jump to her request.

I always allow staff to take some time off for a funeral. You’re so out of order it’s unreal

At what point does a MIL become the personal slave of her DIL? Is it

at the time of the first bonk
when the couple move in together
the date of the marriage
the birth of the first child?

Just curious, that's all.

I can't believe you are so rude. It's not for you to judge whether or not she should be going, or if it's been too long since she last saw the deceased.

And funerals tend to have this habit of coming along at short notice.

Yes it's shitty because you have job interviews and they are important. But you're completely out of order to expect your partner to tell his mum she can't go. I'm absolutely gobsmacked.

If your DP can't take the time off, ask your parents to do so?

Wow, genuinely wow.

You are incredibly unreasonable and entitled let alone lacking empathy.

It's a funeral and I strongly suspect her SIL respects her a lot more than you do. It wouldn't be difficult.

Can you really not understand how entitled and self absorbed your request is? I understand you might be anxious about interview or really need the job but can you see nothing wrong with your thought process?

You are so wrong, it's not even debatable.

Of course YABU.

A funeral is a one off. A one off occasion to show respect and mark the end of someone’s life.

Your husband needs to take the day off.

Everyone is entitled to parental leave surely? He has to take the day off to care for his children...

If she was employed, she could request the time off!

You need to look outside of your own bubble!

But if a grandparent (or anyone really) does commit to it, then it has to be treated as if it was set in stone (bar exceptional reasons) because working parents do depend on it.

Even if you accept that principle (I don't), it's not then up to the parent to determine what an exceptional reason is. It's not up to you to say that only certain types of funeral are sufficiently acceptable for childcare to not take priority.

If you want that level of control over another person then you have to have paid childcare. I get that childcare is hard for working parents but grandparents aren't your staff, and it's really not on the way some mums act like they're employers considering a leave request.

I think the OP might win the prize for today’s most entitled poster!

Even on rare occasions formal childcare closes at the last minute for unexpected reasons. So yes, YABU.

Let’s hope your MIL doesn’t have the audacity to have a heart attack or die because that’s clearly also likely to be completely unacceptable to you.

It's half term, isn't it.

This can't be real!