MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

It's even worse because I bet MIL would be happy to have the kids any other time too.

You might not even get the job.

This ^^ is exactly what I was going to respond with.

Your sense of entitlement has me gobsmacked!

So you use her for childcare when you and DH are at work too?

Why are you not more grateful?!

Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go

Very entitled and very unreasonable. If your DP has made himself available to do childcare then leave it at that - your kids, your responsibility and very rude to effectively tell someone that a family funeral takes second place.

I can’t believe for the life of me that this is actually real. Jesus fkn Christ!

Maybe where you are, but a lot of places take at least 4 weeks. Some recently here have been more like 6 weeks.

You told an grown woman she couldn't attend a funeral as she's your childcare. Your a cf..if I was here that would be the last time I'd do childcare you.

What's wrong with you? You want her not to attend a funeral because of you needing her help?

When my relative died there was a gap of 4 weeks between the death and the funeral. It takes a while to arrange everything, in my experience. Also, finding a date when everyone is able to attend often means looking further ahead than a week or two.

Oh that’s a real shame OP. Have you tried contacting the grieving relatives and asking them if they mind moving the funeral to another day as it is causing you great inconvenience? I am sure they wont mind, after all these days we all have to be flexible and prioritise things don’t we.

Looking at OP's pps it seems as if OP is bank staff which means either occasional days work (if at actual work) or it's bank staff meaning e.g. NHS etc.

Her DS is at school and she wasn't working (SAHM) as of September 2023. Can't really see offhand what childcare is sorted by seems her MIL is helping out, paid or unpaid can't see offhand.

Oh just seen this is for interviews. and OP will just have to rearrange them. That's life. Or C'est La Vie as an old song went back in the day.

OP - either pay for childcare for the afternoon, or use DH or rearrange interviews - totally valid excuse if you can't get childcare. Are interviews in person or on Teams? If in person, switch to Teams/Zoom.

It's MN - the entitlement seems to get more and more each day/week it seems. Better not be a reverse!

It is half term I suppose, so possibly a wind up. I certainly hope so!

Eh.. yes they would.

Pay for childcare if you want to call the shots!

Wow! You are so rude! She isn't at your beck and call. Your husband should take the day off....

*Where do you think they store the bodies all that time??

catholic - 3 days ideally
protestant - a week max
jew/Muslim - 24 hours as a mark of respect

I’m sure other religions are similar*

I dont know of anywhere that does Catholic/protestant funerals in that time frame. It's certainly not the case here - central Scotland - nor do I remember it being

I'd say 3/4 weeks is absolutely the norm. Any less than that is unusual.

In fact my friends FIL died recently in another part of Scotland. Earliest they could get was 22 days after his death

Of course its unreasonable. Your husband is right , she doesn't owe you anything. At least he is watching the children and you can still get to your interviews!!

@BodiesHitTheFloor if you check out the other posts by OP, I sadly don't think it is a wind up..... unbelievable I know.

It’s not always the mother in laws that are in the wrong…. I would be horrified if my daughter in law told me I couldn’t attend a funeral!

Has OP said where she's living?
In Ireland funerals are, more often than not, within 3 days.
A friend's father died over Christmas and his funeral was 5 days later - in Ireland that's a VERY long amount of time.

You are a total CF.

Who do you think you are telling her she cannot go?!

She has a legitimate reason why she can no longer provide childcare. If she was working then she would have been allowed time off so you are wrong there.

Your partner can take a off wort too look after YOUR children. YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR PROBLEM!

If I were your MIL, I would not be offering any further childcare based on your selfish entitled shitty attitude.

I’m in Ireland an it’s 1-2 days here for a funeral and MIL would bring the kids along 😂
(and also, employer WOULD probably a give her the time off for a funeral here )

But your MIL is not employed and you are not the boss of her.

This is either a joke or a serious case of I hate my MIL and will find anything to attack her with...I hope your OH tells you to stop being so mean.

Wow.

Pay for childcare from now on. That'll sort your issues. Your poor MIL. Jesus.