MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

Wow so precious. Did anyone agree with you?
Poor MIL

Good grief ! They are YOUR children !!! sort it !

getting him to tell her, no no no and you might lose your childcare if he does !

Ask MIL, very nicely, if she wouldn’t mind asking the family to rearrange the funeral for a day when you’ve not got interviews.

😂😂😂

I think I also feel sorry for the partner in this instance - imagine being married to someone with an attitude like this. Entitled Brat Syndrome to a very high level.

can you book them into a holiday club for an afternoon? If not then absolutely your husband should take the time off so she can go.

So suppose we pretend for a minute that really she didn’t need to go to funeral, she just wants to for whatever reason. It’s crap, she’s let you down, but your DH has offered to get time off. Just don’t rely on her in future. Then it’s resolved yeah?

And we laughed all night at the best thread ever,
we read every line, now we can’t remember,
How it goes,
but I know that I won’t forget her,
because we laughed all night at the best thread ever.

I think she said oh oh oh
Then we said yeah yeah yeah
Then we went ooohh

Got to watch this thread.

The OP must have realised how unreasonable she is, surely?

Hilarious. She thinks she is so important that she trumps a funeral.

Of course YABU. Unbelievable!

@Georgyporky

What funerals are you attending??

Where do you think they store the bodies all that time??

catholic - 3 days ideally
protestant - a week max
jew/Muslim - 24 hours as a mark of respect

I’m sure other religions are similar.

Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go

Do this, and don't listen to this lot telling you that you're unreasonable.

Then come back and tell us what happened.
😄

She isn't employed, so what's your point? Does she have to ask your permission to breathe? You really are entitled, aren't you? Once again, for the hard of thinking: YOU AND YOUR PARTNER HAD THE KIDS, IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

And breathe....

Oh my goodness.

You are a terrible person right now.

Who on earth are you to decide who should or should not attend a funeral - your MiL wants to go and say her goodbyes. End of.

If your MiL wanted to go day drinking and get a wax next Monday you would still be unreasonable as it is her choice, her time. She doesn’t owe you an explanation. She is not your skivvy, slave or hired help.

Do better OP. Much better.

I’m presuming from the way you speak about your MIL that you pay her the going rate for childcare and have a contract detailing her leave entitlements?
Otherwise this is one of the most entitled, unpleasant things I’ve read on MN.

This can't be real?
No one would actually think like that...would they?

This is bullshit, right?
Or a reverse because only a twat of the highest order would try to tell someone they weren't allowed to attend a funeral.

If someone I was hugely helping out with childcare dared to tell me that, it would be the last time I ever looked after their kids.

Non issue. Your partner can look after his and your kids

What are you talking about? Are you a funeral director? This is utter rubbish, funerals can take place in a week here and in loads of other places too.🙄

Totally entitled. If I were your MiL, I’d withdraw all future childcare

This cannot be real? Surely this is a joke post? If this is genuine then you are mean. Sorry, but you really are ....

I thought this was going to be a situation where you're also at the funeral! In this case no, family childcare doesn't trump your MIL wanting to attend a funeral.

Is your MIL your employee (ie do you pay her a salary and pay NI and pension contributions; does she have a contract of employment and paid leave entitlement etc) or is she a volunteer?

If you're her employer, then it would be reasonable for you to allow her to take a day's paid leave to attend a funeral of a distant relative. If you refuse, then she could apply for unpaid leave - or would very likely just call in sick on the day. It would be best all round if you permitted the paid leave.

If she's doing this childcare entirely voluntarily, then it's down to her to decide when she can and cannot attend. Obviously, for something like childcare you need a reliable provider, so it might be worth your while considering whether a volunteer is the best option for you. When using volunteers, you have to accept that they could simply decide they don't want to work at any time and could just not turn up.

I don't think I've ever seen someone been so UR. YABU. It's up to your MIL to decide if she wants to go to a funeral or not. Either let your DH do childcare or pay for other childcare yourself.

Do you pay your MIL the going rate for childcare? I mean, since you seem to think she's your employee.

Get a massive grip and sort out alternative daycare. Your entitled attitude is not it.

Let's not hope this is a reverse eh? Or it seems DIL is seeing MIL as paid help when we don't know if it's voluntary by MIL or paid by DIL/SIL.

Either way, DIL wants MIL to dance to her tune... As @betterangels says (and other pps) the entitlement on this stinks.

My DB and SIL occasionally use MIL (my DM) and FIL (stepdad) and me for childcare but she'd never refuse this for any of this, as she's not an entitled b*tch and appreciates the help we do give her.

Let me help you....

Some funerals take 3/4 weeks to arrange

The MIL would appear to be constantly looking after the children based on the second post, so it means that anytime something comes up, it's an inconvenience to OP and causes her an issue, therefore a nursery or paid for childcare would be more appropriate.