AIBU with this? - Child looking over the fence!

[Dmanny30]

AIBU with this - everyone says I am, including my husband!

I have a 2 year old son, soon to be three & next door we have a year old boy living with his parents, now I must stress he’s such a lovely little boy & we have an alright relationship with his parents. But our fence is about 5 foot high.. & over the last few summers the little lad has pulled up a piece of garden furniture & literally stares into our garden. And I mean literally for hours on end whenever we’re in the garden, he’s always asking questions like “will you pass me that ball” “can your son play with that & that” I’m started to feel like free childcare cos his parents never ever come outside to play with him.

one instance during a particular hot few days I went into the garden early one morning at around 8ish to play while it was still cool but the bit of furniture had been moved so when he came out I could just see a little bit of his head & hands on the fence, I went inside for a sec & I came out to his father putting the bit of ratan furniture back at the side of the fence so he could state over.

now, even after a long day & my child is in bed and I go out for a glass of wine & a vape (I’m trying to stop lol) he’s still on the fence saying “what you drinking? My mummy drinks that” “are you smoking that’s disgusting” even once when I was sunbathing with my headphones on I looked slightly through my eyes & could see him staring…. He was there literally 20 minutes before he left… just been started at!

now, my husband says I have to remember his age, my father said the same & he went be like this forever but I think some boundaries need put in place and I’m not the ones to place them. I think it should be his parents but sometimes when he’s on the fence I can see them just laying on the sofa while I’m playing Barney the purple dinosaur.

i can’t make the fence higher & or put trellis panels up without it being obvious & im not 100% sure how his parents would take it if i did say something. I did once say to him that im having some chill time & it was time for him to go back to his own garden but he didn’t move.

AIBU for wanting some privacy or should i just remember he’s a toddler & grin & bear it?

You didn't actually say how old he is.

I would just ignore him. Don't engage at all.

"i can’t make the fence higher & or put trellis panels up without it being obvious"

I bloody would!

His parents aren't showing you any consideration by allowing him to stare into your private space, why are you worried about what they would think if you put up some trellis?

If it makes you feel less obvious grow some climbing plants up the trellis but if it were me I would simply add some of that bamboo panelling stuff up top and if the parents ask about it (which would be weird if they did), just say you wanted some privacy in the back garden, nothing more nothing less.

His parents leave him outside unattended for hours at a time? And during all hours of the day?
Very bizarre and careless behaviour? And thoughtless of them.
I wouldn’t hesitate to erect massive fences.

sorryi apologise the child is around6ish!

Reed fencing on your side...

He's a year old? Or is that a typo?

Either tell the parents their kid is being annoying and intrusive (in nicer words, obviously) or stop answering his questions and tell him to stop pestering you. If nothing changes, get the bamboo/trellis etc.

But you said toddler? I'm confused

Yes sorry I meant to put 5 year old but forgot to add the 5 haha

Put up the extra fence

Go naturist. His parents will stop him looking over!

Yep, erect a big tall fence, headphones on, ignore any voices from next door - result - peace.

I’d get some huge bamboo in big pots and stand them all along the fence . Might cost a bit but a lot less hassle than refencing . Also don’t ever answer or interact in any way and he will get the message eventually . My neighbours kids are a bit like this and my husband always answers them so they always ask him stuff - I ignore them and they don’t bother me at all now .

I don't understand your passivity here? The kid is just bored. Ask him not to stare because it makes you uncomfortable. Or taller fence, with trellis, and you don't have to say anything.

You don't want to out a higher fence up without being obvious???

Just get a higher fence!! You don't owe them anything, you need your privacy, you're not going to get it any other way.

Sorry I should have proof read haha my child is 2 next door is 5 6ish I’m not sure tbf

Bamboo fencing topping the height up, with something pretty that will climb quickly.
If parents ask why, be honest - we'd like some privacy when enjoying our garden, isn't it going to look lovely once the honeysuckle is in flower?

If the fence isnt yours, you may not be able to attach to it, so be prepared to go for full height screening just inside the original fence.

I'd hate this.

I'd put one of those brick walls up with broken glass stuck on the top 😂

Gawd. I literally have a recurring nightmare of kids like that peering over and then they start coming into my house...don't worry, it's only a dream. Haha.
It seems really sad that he does this, surely he must have more interesting things to do. Could you have a gentle word with the parents? Or otherwise you will just have to tell him it's not polite to climb on things to stare into people's gardens and asking questions, and please can he go away and play in his own garden or house. He may well burst into tears but I can't see what else to do. Buy a taller fence?

I'd just make the fence higher and sod what the neighbours think. They obviously don't give a shit about what you think and are happy to let him carry on.

He’s 5- just tell him not to stare.

Doesn't matter if it's obvious you putting trellis up. It was obvious to you when dad moved the box over to let him see over your fence. What's good for the goose etc.

Parents probably think they're doing you a favour letting you hang out with their kid all day. I couldn't be doing with it.

Big spiky plants in strategic tubs.

I know I'm getting on bit my children would have been told off for doing this! It's so rude.

I feel sorry for him. I agree. He won't be doing this for ever. In the meantime, I'd tell him to go and do something in his own garden and to stop looking over the fence and say it every time you see him.

Its pretty obvious the OP missed out the number before "year old". What toddler or one year old would be doing or saying what this child is doing ffs. Common sense people!

OP I wouldn't care if it was obvious why you were putting up a trellis or making your fence higher and I'm baffled as to why your DH and DF think this is OK. Won't be quite so endearing when he's still doing it as a 10 year old because nobody has taught him it's rude!