AIBU with this? - Child looking over the fence!

[Dmanny30]

AIBU with this - everyone says I am, including my husband!

I have a 2 year old son, soon to be three & next door we have a year old boy living with his parents, now I must stress he’s such a lovely little boy & we have an alright relationship with his parents. But our fence is about 5 foot high.. & over the last few summers the little lad has pulled up a piece of garden furniture & literally stares into our garden. And I mean literally for hours on end whenever we’re in the garden, he’s always asking questions like “will you pass me that ball” “can your son play with that & that” I’m started to feel like free childcare cos his parents never ever come outside to play with him.

one instance during a particular hot few days I went into the garden early one morning at around 8ish to play while it was still cool but the bit of furniture had been moved so when he came out I could just see a little bit of his head & hands on the fence, I went inside for a sec & I came out to his father putting the bit of ratan furniture back at the side of the fence so he could state over.

now, even after a long day & my child is in bed and I go out for a glass of wine & a vape (I’m trying to stop lol) he’s still on the fence saying “what you drinking? My mummy drinks that” “are you smoking that’s disgusting” even once when I was sunbathing with my headphones on I looked slightly through my eyes & could see him staring…. He was there literally 20 minutes before he left… just been started at!

now, my husband says I have to remember his age, my father said the same & he went be like this forever but I think some boundaries need put in place and I’m not the ones to place them. I think it should be his parents but sometimes when he’s on the fence I can see them just laying on the sofa while I’m playing Barney the purple dinosaur.

i can’t make the fence higher & or put trellis panels up without it being obvious & im not 100% sure how his parents would take it if i did say something. I did once say to him that im having some chill time & it was time for him to go back to his own garden but he didn’t move.

AIBU for wanting some privacy or should i just remember he’s a toddler & grin & bear it?

Speak to the parents and explain it’s making you uncomfortable. Hopefully they will be suitably embarrassed and put a stop to it. Failing that I’d be watering my garden every time his head appeared over my fence.
Plant some spiky plants too. Other people’s children must be annoying when you just want to enjoy your garden in peace.

We live in the country and there was a child who used to go into the field behind our house and hide behind the hedge and repeat everything we said when we were in the garden. One day I had had enough of it so got up and went indoors (signalling to the others to keep talking), filled a bucket with water, tiptoed to the back fence and chucked it over - he never did it again

Brilliant 😂

Add the trellis with weed control fabric attached to it, I wouldnt care if it was obvious or not

I would say this is quite normal behaviour for a child that age, the parents need to do parenting so he doesn’t become overly noesy when he is older, he will get to an age when he can play with friends out on the street and will loose interest in what you are all doing. Kids that age think everyone is their friend and don’t really understand boundaries hence a word with the parents about when you are in garden with out your kid you would like to have privacy to have a drink and a vape with out being stared at. Would maybe say can my son come over to play with your son, I can grantee they won’t let ur kid in their garden with out you. So may set the boundaries with out directly saying. But remember your child will become a little nosey person to especially between ages of 3 and 7.
the whole asking kid to play with certain toys is actually typical behaviour of a child who wants to play with the toy themselves so they take second best thing and watch another child playing with it. How much of an age gap is between ur kids? It would maybe be helpful for the next few years for your child to have a little friend who clearly wants to play with your child. Your family is right about remembering the age of the little boy, kids are nosey they learn by watching others and this is what he is doing, it’s up to the parents to parent and tell the child it is rude to stare. But you also need to chill alittle and remember kids age

My Mum had the same, and was getting really dragged down by the neighbours kids standing on a trampoline looking into her garden. She got a cheap windbreak from Amazon that was 150cm tall, and nailed it in half way up the fence. It was very obvious why it was there, but did the trick and the ndn's moved the trampoline as a result.

His name isn't Damien is it? 😀

Put up the trellis!!

The parents shouldn’t be allowing him to do this. Just put a higher fence up or ignore him, horrible as this sounds needs must. His parents sound awful I would be horrified if my 4 or 5 year old were doing this.

The parents sound lazy. They’re using you and your son to entertain and occupy their own child because they can’t be arsed to do so. If you don’t want to say anything, then put up trellis, preferably with something brambly and spike running through it.

We had an older child do this continually in our first house. It was bloody annoying! In the end we put up a 6ft fence behind a wire fence (so he couldn’t get close to it) and the first day it was absolute bliss to be able to potter around the garden without the constant comments from the boy next door. He even used to look into our kitchen window by peering over the original fence. He also called out to us when we were eating and had the back door open in the Summer.

Act now else this is what you’ll be dealing with in 5 years!

I know this isn't the point but - you're in Liverpool, and you're in your garden all the time? It's February and the weather is crap?

This is a joke, right? Play along? No. Tell him it's rude to stare. Put trellis if potted plants in his way. Fuck that shit.

If allowed make your fence higher or put tall plants like bamboo in pots. If the parents take offence, that's OK, they will definitely know why. I wouldn't say anything to the parents, they could get nasty.

Ask him over to play, my neighbour's kid did this, they're all now in their 20s and they have lovely brother/sister type relationships from growing up together.

We didn't buy a house because when we were looking around it the kid next door was on the fence looking in. A couple of other reasons as well but that was the main one.

Buy some 10ft high Laurels from E bay, plant along your side. Ive just done same.

We had a lad on our street used to stand annoying our ddog at the gates. Threw bits of rubbish in and she would go up to the gates every time. Was quite worried he would give her something dodgy... Obviously brought her in if I saw him. He used to stand swearing at me. Hosing the yard bit one night I accidentally wet him. First time was accidental anyway... His df came stomping along. I just said he had no business snooping on my property and I was just cleaning.. He was about 11..

Get a trellis. Who cares if its obvious.

Wear headphones and when he talks to you just be direct "I'm listening to music right now sweetheart so you'll need to speak to your mum or dad instead" then blank him or turn away.

tell him sharply to go away, every time. If he ignores, knock on his parents door.
surprised your husband thinks you’re being unreasonable-this would drive me bonkers!

This would drive me up the wall. I’d be putting up a taller fence- I wouldn’t be confident that the trellis would stop him peaking through.

I'm with you, OP. I am not a fan of other people's children, even when I had a small one.

I like my privacy, but many people believe it's the social norm to just accept small children wanting to interact with you.

The child's parents should be respecting your privacy. I would add trellis to make it obvious.

Have you considered a Supersoaker OP?

Taller fence, trellis. I have been know to use artificial ivy. It works. In fact you can buy the trellis with the ivy for instant privacy.I certainly wouldn't worry about upsetting them. Alternatively you can put up a sail screen.