AIBU with this? - Child looking over the fence!

[Dmanny30]

AIBU with this - everyone says I am, including my husband!

I have a 2 year old son, soon to be three & next door we have a year old boy living with his parents, now I must stress he’s such a lovely little boy & we have an alright relationship with his parents. But our fence is about 5 foot high.. & over the last few summers the little lad has pulled up a piece of garden furniture & literally stares into our garden. And I mean literally for hours on end whenever we’re in the garden, he’s always asking questions like “will you pass me that ball” “can your son play with that & that” I’m started to feel like free childcare cos his parents never ever come outside to play with him.

one instance during a particular hot few days I went into the garden early one morning at around 8ish to play while it was still cool but the bit of furniture had been moved so when he came out I could just see a little bit of his head & hands on the fence, I went inside for a sec & I came out to his father putting the bit of ratan furniture back at the side of the fence so he could state over.

now, even after a long day & my child is in bed and I go out for a glass of wine & a vape (I’m trying to stop lol) he’s still on the fence saying “what you drinking? My mummy drinks that” “are you smoking that’s disgusting” even once when I was sunbathing with my headphones on I looked slightly through my eyes & could see him staring…. He was there literally 20 minutes before he left… just been started at!

now, my husband says I have to remember his age, my father said the same & he went be like this forever but I think some boundaries need put in place and I’m not the ones to place them. I think it should be his parents but sometimes when he’s on the fence I can see them just laying on the sofa while I’m playing Barney the purple dinosaur.

i can’t make the fence higher & or put trellis panels up without it being obvious & im not 100% sure how his parents would take it if i did say something. I did once say to him that im having some chill time & it was time for him to go back to his own garden but he didn’t move.

AIBU for wanting some privacy or should i just remember he’s a toddler & grin & bear it?

The kid would be told not to stare and I would be straight round next door. Put some trellis up.

I would definitely put up trellis, I think a 5 foot fence is too short regardless!

Can you start asking him where his mum/dad are in response each time? The poor kid sounds bored and neglected.

@PutMyFootIn ha ha that brought back memories very common where I grew up!

Some of these sound so mean! It sounds like he's a curious and lonely little boy. Please don't treat him any differently to how you would your own child in a few years' time. He's just in his garden looking for friends which is so normal at his age.

In the daytime I'd just play along with it - this stage won't last forever. In the evening when you're looking for some downtime, just let him know that you don't want to chat right now, and could he find something else to do so that you can enjoy your garden alone as you've had a busy day with your 2 year old.

Put the trellis up. Make it obvious, who cares?
You aren’t there the entertain other peoples kids

YANBU. Agree that the kid is too young to know better, but that’s what parents are for! The dad moving the furniture so that the child can stand and stare was appalling behaviour on his part. They sound like lazy parents who are more concerned about their child not annoying them than about their child’s wellbeing and development.

Put the trellis up, be obvious.

Do you know his name? Just chat to him for a couple of minutes (if you want to) then tell him to get down.. most kids respond to adults in authority telling them what to do, if his parents are ignoring him and actively facilitating him pestering you then you need to just tell him.. if he doesn’t get down when told then completely blank him like doesn’t exist.

i had one like it and I used to chat for a while but when his questions became repetitive, I used to say (loudly enough so his parents would hear) be a good lad and get down now I’ve got things to do, then just kept saying ‘get down ‘name’’, his parents were really good at telling him to get down too though.

my MIL tells of someone who used to stand and peel the kids fingers off the fence until they got down, but MIL put trellis up instead with plant cover to stop her nosy kid next door.

dont feel embarrassed about it, it’s horribly intrusive!!

Definitely put the trellis up.

I had similar pre-children except it was the front garden. There was only a short fence and the second you went out there they appeared. I got to the stage where I felt housebound because all they’d do was stare at you. I feel your pain!

It is appalling. They know and don't care. And actively encourage it. Bloody weird.

Definitely #TeamTrellis or wall with broken glass. Happy memories of Liverpool

Have you thought of asking his parents to get him to stop? ‘Hi, do you realise Bob stares at us in our garden for hours everyday. Can you get him to stop? It makes me feel like I’m in a goldfish bowl in my own garden when I just want to go out there for a bit of peace.’

I live in a ground floor flat and for a while last summer I had a girl about age 7-8 who would come and stand outside my garden area and talk non-stop at me for hours. She wouldn't take a hint, she wouldn't go and find some friends to play with, she started shouting in through the door of my flat when I wasn't outside. I tried being kind, gentle suggestions to move on, etc. She actually ruined a friend's visit because she stood outside and talked and talked over my friend and I and would not go away. In the end I told her that I wanted to be left in peace and would no longer be responding to her, and then I did that. After ten minutes she went away. Came back a couple of times, was ignored and then that was that. It felt mean to be ignoring a child who was just lonely and maybe a bit lacking in social awareness, but it ended up the only way I could get it to stop. I think you have to toughen up, OP. Make it uninteresting to stand there and stare.

I would have to buy a lawn sprinkler and put that up near the fence.

This was me, yes I assumed a typo but then this sentence at the end confused me: "...or should i just remember he’s a toddler & grin & bear it?" That's why I was just checking!

Thanks so much for your comments so far - I do know his name & like I said he’s a lovely little boy and we do get on but I feel like it’s getting a little too much now.

I do feel sorry for him cos it’s just obvious he wants to play & have some interaction which he isn’t getting with his parents which I do understand they’re at work all day but so is my husband & he gets in and straight out in the garden with my son.

funny someone said Liverpool as I’m about 15 minutes from there 😂

Shit! Yeah sorry I thought the toddler age ranged higher but just googled it!

It's not an issue! I just wanted to know as I feel like telling a one year old to stop pestering is a bit mean, a six year old not so much 😂

Anyway I'm sorry, I'm derailing!

I don't understand why you can't put up a taller fence. I certainly would!

1. Ignore - Guarantee his parents are aware he is annoying you but they are not bothered.
2. Put trellis up/plant pot
3. Put music on.
4. Ignore. Don't answer him. Don't respond. The parents are CF.

Hose down your side of the fence at regular intervals? That should sort the little shit out 😀

We had this and the child would be there constantly, talking, then progressed to throwing things at the fence and it got worse over the two years we lived there, until we moved! Turns out he continued that way into adulthood. He was 8 when we moved.

Poor lad is bored and ignored by his parents. What a shame. Nevertheless, it is not your problem. Put up some trellis and grow something pretty on it.

Is it your fence op? If so, I'd string some lights (or fecking barbed wire) along it, hanging baskets, or anything that you can then say "please don't climb up there, it's not safe, and your going to damage my lights/plants etc". I know people will say "awww he's just a lonely little boy, be nice" but that's not your problem, you've got your own child to contend with, and have the right to enjoy your garden, with your own family uninterrupted, or alone for some peace and quiet, without having to entertain the neighbours kid. I think you're just going to have to start being really blunt and abrupt with him, otherwise he won't get the message. I'd even be tempted to put the lights up and then next time he climbs up say "Charlie you need to stop doing that, you knocked down my lights and broke them last time you did this, and I had to buy new ones. Don't peer over the fence anymore".

Ha ha. Our neighbours bought a very tall climbing frame for their little girls, who would spend hours using it as a vantage point to nose straight into our garden, and worse still our conservatory and beyond into the house. I told the mother that we were naturists, so if the kids persisted in looking into our house, they might get an eyeful. Which sadly went straight over the stupid woman's head, she said they didn't wear much indoors either......fortunately they moved not long after.

Buy a shade sail or a very large parasol. Both can be angled to give you privacy. I think if you put trellis on top of the fence he will just peer through the gaps.

Have you told him to go away? If you have, does he? My mum would always say "I think it's time for you to go home now" and it worked without failure. I'd talk to the parents about it next time you see them. I think expecting some level of privacy in your own garden is acceptable.

If you can grow something up a trellis then that might help, but you can still see through a trellis.