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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guy made a comment on my parenting

136 replies

bubbles1994 · 13/02/2024 13:14

Hey everyone so, I'm a single mum with a 2 year old daughter, I decided i wanted to start dating as I'm lonely as hell. So I've been texting with a guy who has 2 little girls 7 + 4. We've been really getting on for the past 2 weeks. Last night he made a comment and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but my daughter has been unwell all week so her sleep pattern has been a bit messed up and she was up at 9pm last night, and has been waking up because of her cough a couple nights too. Obviously the guy knows this because I've told him. So anyway, I've put a couple screenshots of his and my messages and I just feel like he was kind of judging me, but I don't know if I'm overreacting and i really do my best as a parent. What do you think?

Guy made a comment on my parenting
Guy made a comment on my parenting
Guy made a comment on my parenting
OP posts:
titchy · 13/02/2024 13:16

Twat. He's clearly never looked after his kids when they've been ill. Which is a bit of a red flag in itself.

pbdr · 13/02/2024 13:17

I think he's a smug git who lucked out with easy kids who sleep no issue, and thinks other kids not all being exactly like his means his parenting is superior. Leave him to it, but when the time comes that one of his little angels starts acting up in the future make a big deal out of his different his parenting style must be.

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2024 13:17

I don't see the judgement there tbh.

Sounds like a light hearted quip designed to offer a moment's passing relief. Maybe make you smile.

After all, his child isn't likely to be standing in front of him shouting boobies...

TheSnowyOwl · 13/02/2024 13:17

I’d guess that his relationship with the mother of his children ended when they were both very young and his lack of parenting contributed to it.

KreedKafer · 13/02/2024 13:18

I think you’re overreacting. He’s not criticising you - he’s just saying you do it differently. He hasn’t told you what to do.

sprigatito · 13/02/2024 13:18

He's going to be an utter cunt to your kids if you ever try to "blend families" with him. Take the warning and run for the hills.

MILTOBE · 13/02/2024 13:19

He's an idiot who clearly doesn't look after his children much and never at all when they're not well. He's also a judgemental twat for talking to you like that.

sexyandsmart · 13/02/2024 13:19

KreedKafer · 13/02/2024 13:18

I think you’re overreacting. He’s not criticising you - he’s just saying you do it differently. He hasn’t told you what to do.

He's suggesting her poorly dc is awake late because of her parenting style

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2024 13:19

Ah didn't see the last comment...

I'd think he was a bit of an idiot that.

JMSA · 13/02/2024 13:20

This would have annoyed me, OP. The only suitable response from him would be 'sorry the wee one is unwell, and I hope that she/your sleep gets back to normal soon.'

Idiot.

Wildhorses2244 · 13/02/2024 13:21

I think that he genuinely doesn’t know that kids don’t often sleep well when they’re poorly so he is assuming this is your normal.

Have you asked him how often he has his kids? I’d suspect every other weekend for one night and mum cancels or swaps dates when they’re poorly….

IncompleteSenten · 13/02/2024 13:23

I'd be asking him to help me out by sharing his secret
How has HE dealt with bedtimes. What does he do every night.

If the answer isn't actually it's their mum that's dealt with all that, I'll eat my hat!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/02/2024 13:24

He sounds more smug/clueless than judgey. How often does he have his child?

ToastyToes101 · 13/02/2024 13:25

How often does he have his kids and how old were they when he split up with their mother?

I'd be inclined to think, if he sees them every other weekend for an overnight, he has never had to deal with sick kids.

No way would I want to be with someone who, after a couple of weeks, thinks it's appropriate to comment on someone else's parenting style.

Talipesmum · 13/02/2024 13:26

You said that you have a poorly non sleeping child, and he immediately blames that on your parenting style. Then he says that his “parenting style” is that his children always sleep. Sounds pretty bad attitude to me. No sympathy, straight to unfavourably comparing you to him, about something that isn’t a “parenting style” issue at all. Also your child is TWO, his are 7 and 4. I would be v suspicious of his understanding.

Cocacolacarrie · 13/02/2024 13:26

Has he made a typo and said mine are always asleep instead of mine are always with their mum?

MarnieMarnie · 13/02/2024 13:26

He's a twat, but all of those stupid laughing emojis just make the whole 'conversation' look so juvenile. And why are you telling random Internet men that you have a 2yo dd? Paedos target single mothers on dating sites.

pastypirate · 13/02/2024 13:26

It's hard to tell nuance witg textibg but this would get my back up. Smug is such an unattractive quality.

However.....I've dated men with older children and noticed they found the higher needs of my younger children hard to accept. Boot on the other foot I feel privately frustrated sometimes too. There is also the only child/siblings difference in dynamic too.

If you get the ick just from texting I'd throw him back and move on x

This gives me the ick.

WiIIoww · 13/02/2024 13:26

Sounds like a knobhead comment to me, why would a grown up pass comment on your parenting style. The normal reaction would be "hope your DC is better soon"

Hankunamatata · 13/02/2024 13:27

Would be helpful to see the whole thread of the chat. You auvergne laughing emoji in once of the messages you sent him that he responded to. Perhaps he thought you guys were messing about

Bladwdoda · 13/02/2024 13:30

Personally I think his messages show a lack of empathy. If someone sent me that I’d ask if they were ok and listen to them or ask about what is happening. He seems to have skipped straight to quite a patronising/negative response.

Doesn’t bode well. So early on too. Also if your approach to parenting is very different, and he is vocal about that, I can see that being an issue in the future.

Hotgirlwinter · 13/02/2024 13:30

It hasn’t come across well no, but generally dads DO have differing parenting styles.

Whilst I’ll hug and cuddle and indulge my little ones at bedtime, their dad is story, hug, lights off. Caring but efficient and no nonsense 🤣

If he’s otherwise nice and good chat I would maybe let this slide because it’s very hard to judge tone from a message. If it is amongst other messages that make you question him then bin it off

DrFoxtrot · 13/02/2024 13:30

It would definitely rub me up the wrong way. It's a dig dressed up as a laugh. And the diagonal laughing emojis would further finish it off for me!

Lovemusic82 · 13/02/2024 13:31

He sounds like a twat. Your dc is poorly, it’s pretty normal that they don’t sleep when coughing.

I’m guessing you haven’t even met this guy? I would block and move on.

Gloriosaford · 13/02/2024 13:32

sprigatito · 13/02/2024 13:18

He's going to be an utter cunt to your kids if you ever try to "blend families" with him. Take the warning and run for the hills.

I'm inclined to agree with this, he will always be wanting to put his children above yours.