Guy made a comment on my parenting

[bubbles1994]

Hey everyone so, I'm a single mum with a 2 year old daughter, I decided i wanted to start dating as I'm lonely as hell. So I've been texting with a guy who has 2 little girls 7 + 4. We've been really getting on for the past 2 weeks. Last night he made a comment and I don't know if I'm overreacting or not but my daughter has been unwell all week so her sleep pattern has been a bit messed up and she was up at 9pm last night, and has been waking up because of her cough a couple nights too. Obviously the guy knows this because I've told him. So anyway, I've put a couple screenshots of his and my messages and I just feel like he was kind of judging me, but I don't know if I'm overreacting and i really do my best as a parent. What do you think?

It's one of the problems with messaging rather than actually talking, it's really difficult to tell if someone is joking, thinks you are both kidding around or is seriously commentating. Would need to see the whole thread to have a clue what the tone was. You were probably tired and stressed he might have been a bit amused by your predicament in a been there sort of way, who knows. Talk to him?

I love the instant judgy assumptions that this is a part time dad and the mother of his kids does all the parenting. Perhaps he is a full time dad? And perhaps he has dealt with sick kids many a time.
My kids have had good sleep routine since few weeks old and illness has rarely affected their sleep. But then they have also rarely been ill. I've never had either of my kids stood infront of me screaming 'boobies'. So sounds like a completely different parenting experience to be honest, let alone style. That doesn't make me a part time mum or mean their dad does all the work

I don't think he necessarily is, though. It's hard to pick up people's real meaning by text. This is why weeks of texting someone doesn't really work as a relationship starter, in my opinion.

Ultimately, though, if the OP already feels judged, and it's only been two weeks of texting and they're not even dating, then I doubt they're compatible and I'm sure she could find someone better for her!

I have to admit I’m confused why you told a strange man she was screaming boobies at you, yes that is odd surprised so many haven’t picked up on that!

Kids sleeping well since a few weeks old and rarely being affected by illness isn’t necessarily a “parenting style” thing though. Two kids here, and they’ve both been very different with their sleep and how illness affects it. A large portion of that is your child and pot luck, just as much as your “parenting style”.

My kids sleep more when they are ill. One would wake up to vomit (everything led to vomiting with him, coughing, sore throat, etc) but aside from that they would sleep. Anyhow, it would be possible for me to surmise that it is a result of my 'parenting style' rather than dumb luck. I was also an excellent sleeper as a kid, my brother was up at night climbing the walls and screaming. I recall that my parents raised us the same so I'm aware it is just how the child is!
Also time dims the memory. Most toddlers are hard work but we forget it once we are out of that stage. Especially if we weren't the primary caregiver.

i read this as him saying he’d be shouting/telling off his kid if they were “driving him up the wall” standing there shouting at him

You shouldn’t be discussing your baby with any random bloke, exercise extreme caution when picking a boyfriend, prioritise safeguarding your child. As a PP mentioned, predatory males target lone mothers.

Your other threads show two huge factors that make you deeply vulnerable, are you receiving any professional help?

YABU for the boobies comment. I wouldn’t be impressed by that. However his smug judgmental comment would give me the ick and that would be game over for me. He’s either lucky to have compliant children, excessively strict or does very little parenting. He’s also a bit thick to make comments about your parenting so early in the relationship

It’s a wierd conversation to have with a strange man who you so far have only been texting with, about your two year old child.

And I don’t understand why you have responded to his comment about his children always being asleep with a heart/like if you’re feeling offended or judged.

You don't know this guy at all. He doesn't know you. It's only been two weeks. He can't judge your parenting as he's not got the first notion who you are or how you parent. This is all just shit you're texting each other to pass the time so either you enjoy it and take it with a pinch of salt until you meet and see if there's any more point to pursuing it, or he's annoying you and you cut it off. Regardless of these specific comments, I don't think it's worth investing this much effort in messaging a guy if it's making you feel anything negative at all. I hear you on the loneliness, but building a friendship with someone you know would be so much more productive than messaging guys from dating sites and expecting much good to come from it.

Also this: You shouldn’t be discussing your baby with any random bloke, exercise extreme caution when picking a boyfriend, prioritise safeguarding your child. As a PP mentioned, predatory males target lone mothers.

I'd leave your boobies out of the parenting convos too. What reaction are you trying to provoke?

Having a child that's unwell isn't a "parenting style" it doesn't exactly suggest he is understanding or that involved with his own children if in 7 years of parenting he hasn't had a interrupted night to some degree where his children have been ill?

Instead of relating oh it's so tough when they are unwell he went straight to blaming your parenting style? at best that's a weird nonsensical thing to say at worst it's a red flag that he always blames the mother/woman in his life.

Is he following the same script that his previous relationship didn't work out because of the mum? Or is he taking accountability for himself?

Sounds like you're doing your best parenting op illness is hard going. I'd not say he was judging you as such but it doesn't put him in a great light. If you choose to proceed do so with caution.

I mean he's not just a random guy, he's a friend of a friend and I'm not exactly going to get to know someone I'm intending to date without letting them know I have a child lol

How long have you been texting him? If he has this perception from 3 weeks texting I don't feel he's as big an asshole as if he has it from just this week. None of mine would ever have been up and wild at 9pm even when sick so it is hard for me to imagine that. Up writhing in pain or frustrated they can't sleep, but I wouldn't be on the phone then. So if his kids are like mine it is hard to imagine.

The other thing is my perception of bonkers could be different from someone else's. So I'm imagining a child running from room to room shrieking. You might mean she's wide awake from calpol and no interest in sleeping and screaming boobies from her cot. It's hard over text especially when you don't know each other.

Also if his children weren't breastfed a 2 year old screaming boobies is silly behaviour as opposed to screaming for milk/cuddles.

He sounds smug and annoying. My children sleep well -to be honest being ill usually makes them sleep more. But l don’t go on about it or start talking about people’s “parenting styles”, a lot of its luck of the draw anyway

Thanks for everyone for replying to this.

Most of you seem to understand why I'm a bit unhappy with his comments, now how do I go about saying something to him about it but I've had it on my mind since yesterday and I also think it's a red flag, like if we were to pursue a relationship, would he judge me around his own kids etc. Feel I must point this out to him in some way or just cut the guy off, he seemed so nice before this comment. I don't tell him the ins and outs of my day and he doesn't know much about my parenting style. I've never made comments towards his children. He has them every weekend at his mums where he is staying currently and he's much more well off than me financially. I have no family to help with mine either so, I find it odd that he'd compare us in anyway.

Urgh honestly don't waste any more of your time.

I can already tell you Mr knowfuckall will be the expert in all things the women in his life take care of.

I know the type.

Tell him he's pissed you off and when he's a single parent who takes care of everything then he's got an opinion you're interested in listening to.

He is coming across as a immature Dick head,
with these kinds of text messages

Beware !

Red flags are waving about strongly

He seems to be a hands on dad, has his kids every weekend, something I liked about him in the first place. I've never commented on his parenting but I didn't expect the comment because only a few days ago he told me his 4 year old was bouncing around awake at 11pm..
And the boobies thing I don't feel I need to explain, she's 2 and was just trying to make mummy laugh because I couldn't help but laugh the first time she came out with the word.

@IncompleteSenten

Spot on you've nailed it,

Hot foot out of this relationship as soon possible promto for your own sanity sake.!

So he has them at his mum's? Hardly looking after them on his own, then, is he?

I think the time to say something was at the time: "Sounds like you've never looked after a sick child" - I would have said that and then stopped the chat, tbh.

Just stop texting him. You already know he’s a deadbeat. Deadbeats should not appeal to anyone.

Heal from your recent upsetting event, and are you receiving professional support? For that, or your disorder?

Are you still bf your toddler? Did he know that?

It IS possible to come across badly over text without meaning to, so if everything else in the chat has been brilliant I would probably meet up with him as planned but just keep this comment in mind. Then maybe if things go well, and you get to the point of possibly deciding to be in an exclusive relationship with him, you could bring it up and ask him what he meant by it. He might mean something quite different from what we all think - could even be a typo or something? OR, he might actually be a massive twat. Only way to know if to meet him.